Third Time's the Charm
by Leanan Sidhe
Summary: COMPLETED ENTIRE PIRATES HILARIOUSITY! Two girls are sent back to the Caribbean, where Vicki tries to keep from touching Will, and Rachel tries to keep from stealing all of Sparrow's lines. Rated M for language and some sexual scenes.
1. Third Time's the Charm

Disclaimer: I don't own the story or the characters from the movie (damnit I hate admitting to that!) but I DO own my character Rachel and some of the liberties I've taken with the character Vicki who is shared with fanfiction writer, and our crazy antics. Please be of note, these are the original chapters from Pirates Hilariousity and Vicki finally saw fit to send them to me. I will be praising her name to the highest heavens for forever now, and you should do the same. So for all of you who wanted to know what happened in our first seven chapters that you missed…have at it!

* * *

It was a normal night…to begin with that is. Pirates had just come out on dvd and of course that meant…PARTY! At least that was the case for my dearly obsessed friend, Vicki, and I. I had adorned myself in a gypsy costume, black, with coins jangling from every angle. Black cat eyeliner and lip gloss. I wasn't a pirate wench but close enough. Vicki appeared at my house in full Will Turner garb. Yes, we are those nerdly kinds of girls who dress up for movies, but only in the privacy of our homes.

We sat down to watch the movie. Laughing insanely at how well we knew the lines and could repeat them all word for word.

Whether it was the caffine and sugar we consumed that night or the simple fact that we watched the movie three times in a row, when we woke up we weren't in my house. Come to think of it, we weren't even in the twenty first century…

* * *

Vicki called my name.

"Uhg...I feel like crap." I muttered, not yet opening my eyes.

"Rachel, wake up! There's Jack Sparrow!"

I sat up like a shot.

"What! Where? Where? Oh, where is my sexy Captain of the Black Pearl!"

Vicki's hand slapped over my mouth, "Shut up! You'll draw attention to us!" She hissed, then let go.

Sadly, I was still sort of out of it and was stalled on the fact that no Sparrowy fun was to be found. "Heeeeyyyy!" I whined, "I don't see my Sparrowy Squirrel! You tricked me!"

Vicki looked at me oddly, "Ok, I'm not even gonna ask why you gave him a pet name like that."

I rubbed my eyes tiredly, getting the crusty sleep out of them, "I call him that because seeing him turns me into a rabid squirrel." I explained

"Oh, now it ALL makes sense…but we've got more pressing matters to deal with…"

"Um Vicki…?" I began, looking around.

"What?"

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

This had to be a dream. It looked as if we were in an alleyway. A market bustled with activity just beyond us. It looked oddly familiar too. Can't think of where I'd seen it before.

"Wow, Dorthy," Vicki snapped, sarcastically, "you catch on fast. I KNOW we're not in Kansas anymore (not that we ever were but that's beside the point) We're not even in the same CENTURY!"

I put my head in my hands, "Ok, let's just think about this rationally," I murmured.

Vicki gaped at me, "RATIONALLY! We're in the freaking 18th century! YOU be rational, I'M going Turner hunting!" She got to her feet, I pulled her back down.

"Do NOT leave me here." I warned her, "We have to have some sort of plan."

"Psht! Forget a plan, I want Will! And besides, this is probably a dream anyway." She got up again, I pulled her down yet again, "Ow, hey!"

"And what if it isn't a dream, Vicki!" I shouted in a whisper, "We have no idea what the HELL we're up against here. We need to show some caution…"

"Caution…smaution," she scoffed, "If I say it's a dream then it's a dream."

This time she got up I let her go. Getting to my own feet I dusted off my black peasant skirt. "Fine. We'll just go our separate ways then."

"Now you are thinking around my lines!" She said, grinning from ear to ear. She turned to go, walking from the alley. I rushed after her.

"Wait! Ok, ok hold on! I think we should find a meeting point, so we don't lose each other."

Vicki paused thinking, "Ah, I have it!"

"In other words 'Eureka!'" I exclaimed. I think the sugar was still influencing me.

"The Blacksmith shop! Jack and Will meet there!"

"You're right. Ok, have fun tracking the elusive wild breed of Turner, I'll see you there." She grabbed my arm as I turned away.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm in a dream about the Pirates of the Caribbean. Somewhere out there is a very inebriated Captain Jack Sparrow. Where do you THINK I'm going?"

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, "The docks. You are soooooooo BAD!"

Winking, I turned away, "I know."

* * *

I walked down to the docks jingling jovially. It was hot as hell and I silently exhaulted in the fact that I was a girl and could wear skirts. There was a pleasant breeze below which kept me cool. I entertained myself greatly by trying to imitate Sparrow's famous drunken swagger on my way hoping to meet the infamous buckeneer.

As I made my way to the water and the boats (sorry I mean ships) on it, a loud call rang out.  
"Ey! You there!"

I spun around on one foot, trying to keep true to the nature of Sparrow's walk. But it seems the shout wasn't meant for me, but for a man aboard one of the nearby ships. A vaguely familiar man.

Two royal guards dashed on board the ship, "You're not allowed up there!"

My face broke into a wide grin as I hurried down the docks and boarded the ship.

"Wha's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?" The chubby guard asked.

"Yes," Piped up the other, "and no lies!"

I struggled up the wooden plank to the ship, breathless in anticipation.

"Very well then, I confess, "A deep rich voice rumbled from behind the ship's wheel, "It is my intention to commandeer one o' these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage and plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts ou'."

There was a stunned silence that followed this statement.

"I said no lies!" The small, guard exclaimed.

His companion turned to him and whispered, "I think he's telling the truth."

The other guard sighed irritably, "If he were telling the truth he wouldn't 'ave told us."

The temptation was just too much. "Unless, of course," I cut in, climbing the steps to the wheel where they were all gathered, "he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even if he told it to you!" I finished brightly, stepping forward.

I was face to face with Captain Jack Sparrow. In the flesh. And really the movie didn't do him a shred of justice. He did look like Johnny Depp, but harder, more drunk, and if it were at all possible he looked more attractive. He looked like a true pirate.

Sparrow's brows furrowed suspiciously, eyeing me, "My words exactly, lass. Speakin' of which…who are ye?"

That was a damn good question and my question was 'How the hell would I answer it?'

"Yes, who are you!" The dopey but sweet guard (I was pretty sure he was Murtogg) asked, "This deck is off limits to civilians!"

"Oh yeah?" I countered, "Well, what about him? Is he not a civilian? What, is he some giant canary!"

"A giant what…" The guard asked, confused.

"Ey, wait just a moment…!" Sparrow began, insulted, "…I don't even know what a canary is…"

"It's a big yellow bird," I told him, "Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I have the right to be here just the same as he does." I said pointing an imperious finger at Sparrow.

"But who are you?" The guard asked again, putting his bayonette closer to my neck.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I exclaimed, "I have a fear of anything sharp and pointy within cutting distance of my throat, thank you!"

"She looks like a wench." The guard remarked to his companion.

"Or a pirate…" The other added (most undoubtably Mullroy).

"No, no, both of ye are wrong!" Sparrow commented from behind the wheel, "Wha' she looks like…" he grinned wolfishly, "…is a strumpet."

"Ok, no, no, and…" I said coldly to each in turn ending with Sparrow's perverted guess, "definitely NOT."

Sparrow pouted adorably. I smiled at the sight. I turned to the two guards, "I'm a gypsy. Why else would I dress this way?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

Jack answered without permission, "Ta please the customers?"

I walked over to him, leaning down into his face, making him lean back his eyes widening comically.

"Another comment like that," I threatened, "and you will be slapped five times instead of four in the next few days."

"Is tha' so, love?" He grinned foolishly.

I rolled my eyes and pulled back to regard the soldiers.

"What brings you to Port Royal, miss?" The chubby one asked (okay so his name was Mullroy but I like giving out nicknames, as I'm sure you'll come to see in later progressions of this adventure)

"My business, of course." I replied.

"Aha! I knew it!" Sparrow exclaimed.

"Shut up, you!" The dopey one called over his shoulder at Sparrow. Turning back to me he pressed, "…and what business would that be?"

"I'm tellin' ye she's a bloody strumpet!" Jack cried.

Ignoring him, I continued, "Magic. I read palms, fortunes, your…future is an open book to me!" 'Or an open movie' I thought silently.

"Sure it bloody is!" Jack exclaimed staggering over.

"I'll prove it then, savvy?" I sneered at Sparrow, sweetly. He made a sweeping gesture with his hands, asking me to continue, a smug smile on his lips.

"Here give me your hand, " I asked the dopey guard, as I reached out and caught it in my own hands, "Let's see now…a long life line, oh a marriage to a kind woman who falls for your sweet and gentle nature…" The guard beamed at his comrade. Sparrow had his arms crossed over his chest and it looked as if he were bored to tears as he rolled his eyes heaven ward as if it could save him from this, "…but what's this?" I asked no one in particular, "I see you holding something in your hands…why, I don't believe it!"

"Neither do I…" grumbled Sparrow.

"What? WHAT!" The guard squeaked.

I laughed, "Well it looks…like a pink corset!"

Sparrow perked up hearing this. "Tha' sounds more like it!" He exclaimed, "A pink corset, eh?"

He came over and clamped an arm around dopey guards shoulder, "Ye sly old dog, ye!"

"I…I...I would never!" The poor guard stuttered. "You must have made some kind of mistake!" He stated desperately.

I shook my head, still laughing, "I'm sorry, I don't make up the fortunes, I just read 'em."

"Well then…do his!" He exclaimed, gesturing wildly at Sparrow.

Jack's eyes met mine. All the times I had gazed at them really didn't prepare me for this though. I gulped, "Alright then…" I murmured, "Give me your hand." I commanded, putting my hand forward. He eyed it warily.

"Yer not goin' ta curse me, are ye?"

"Not yet…now give me your hand."

He did. It was callused, rough, and warm. I cleared my throat loudly, "Alright, let's see here, many duels…I see a beer bottle hitting you over the head…"

Jack winced, "I bet tha'll hurt."

"Oh it will…" I continued, "…what else…I can see you calling a dog to you with a bone…I see a woman in red, a woman in blue, and a woman dressed as a man. The first two will slap you." I told tell him good naturedly.

"An'…" he asked hesitantly, "the third?"

"Oh, she'll slap you twice…"

His face scrunched into a grimace of pain. I smiled.

"I see you being hit by an oar…marooned on an island full of rum…"

"Doesn't sound like you have much luck." The chubby guard remarked.

"If it's an island full of rum, I consider tha' very lucky." Jack replied.

"Now a woman burns the rum…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sparrow wailed. The two guards sniggered.

"Look, oh no, the rum is gone…" My smirk widened considerably.

"But why is the Rum gone!"

I laughed delightedly, "You'll find out later."

"Tha's it, I've 'ad enough!" He exclaimed pulling his hand way and turned to go.

"Wait!" I snatched at his hand, turning back, I brought his hand closer, "I see something wonderful in your future…"

"Not all the Rum was burned!" He said happily.

"Um…no…sorry…"

Jack's face fell.

"What I DO see is a setting sun on the sea's horizon. Something flies across the water to land on a ship with black sails."

The guards gazed at each other nervously, I faintly heard one of them murmur the words, "Black Pearl."

"What is it? What is the thing that flies?" Dopey guard asked.

"It's a bird of some sort," I claimed, "A Sparrow…" I looked up at Jack, who was regarding me with a look of strange uneasiness, "I believe."

"Is it now?" He asked, his voice thick. His eyes were narrowed again, surveying me seriously.

I shuffled my feet nervously and dropped his hand suddenly, "Yes well, I could just be making it all up."

"One can only hope." He murmured, rubbing his jaw as if thinking deeply.

"So…" I sighed uneasily, "what are you supposed to be?" I asked Sparrow.

"Now he looks like a pirate…" The chubby guard said.

"No, he looks like a STRUMPET!" I laughed, jeeringly.

"I do not!" Jack retorted, insulted. But really no one was paying attention as both of the guards were leaning on their bayonettes to keep from falling on the floor, laughing.

It seemed Sparrow could not keep a straight face either as he then pretended to BE a strumpet. He walked swinging his over zealously from side to side. He went from guard to guard, fluttering his lashes, hanging all over them, saying such things like, "Lookin' for some fun, soldier?" and "Bring several bottles of Rum and meet me in me room, savvy? I'll be waitin.'" Afterwards both of them were slapped by Sparrow the Street Prostitute when he accused them of being, "Bloody drunken scallywags and scurvy dogs!" And that he had to fake it in bed because, "Ye were so bloody awful, mate."

I did fall on the floor laughing and crying at the same time. Somewhere in my mind I knew that he wasn't making this up off the top of his head. He knew all this from personal experience.

"Say!" He exclaimed, "Tha' reminds me of the time I…"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and sat up, listening to Jack's tale.

* * *

"An' then…" He claimed proudly, moving his hands around like scuttling spiders, "…they made me their Chief!"

A resounding splash echoed in our ears. Jumping to their feet, the men gathered toward the side of the ship to see Miss Elizabeth Swann sink below the choppy waves. I took my time getting there.

Jack looked as if he really didn't particularily want to jump in there after her, "Erm…would ye be savin' 'er then?" He asked the guards.

"I can't swim!" The chubby one said.

Jack swung to look at me, "Wha' about ye, lass?"

"I'm not the hero type. I'm more the watch-you-get-drenched-and-laugh-uproariously-type." I told him, shrugging my shoulders.

"Saucy little tart…" He muttered, flinging his hat at me, turning back to the guards he mumbled, "Some pride of the Royal Navy ye are. Do not lose these!" He demanded, shoving his effects in their hands, and in a single bound he dived from the ship.

"Well, come on chaps!" I exclaimed putting Jack's hat on my head so that it tipped to one side precariously, and slapped them both on the back. "Let's go down to the dock, shall we?" I jumped down and made to unboard the ship.

"Why?" The dopey one asked, following me in fast pursuit.

"Because that's where they'll resurface." I told them smartly as I stalked toward the end of the dock.

"How do you know this?" The chubby one panted trying to keep up.

I stopped at the end and gestured to my clothes, "Uh, hellllllllllllloooooooo…gypsy?"

Dopey's face broke into a cute smile, "Ohhhh…right!"

A shudder came from beneath us. The medallion calling from the depths.

"What was that?" Dopey asked.

"That, old chum," I said seriously, "was trouble."

A second later Jack broke the surface of the water with Elizabeth in tow, slung over his shoulder. It was a tangle of limbs as the guards hauled her off of him, laying her down on the wood. I offered Jack my hand, laughing.

"Thank ye, lass." He said, using my force to get him out of the water. I smiled warmly.

"Not breathing…!"

Jack's head snapped to look at Elizabeth, "Move!" He commanded, shoving the guards aside, kneeling over her. Taking out his knife he made to cut the corset open, but then dropped it suddenly and decided to just rip it open instead.

Elizabeth jerked to life, rolling over on to her side, coughing up water and breathing deeply, gasping for air into her lungs. Jack threw the corset to Dopey.

"Wow!" Chubby exclaimed, "I would never have thought of that!"

Jack looked up at him disbelievingly and worn out, husked, "Clearly ye've never been ta Singapore."

I snorted. Jack looked up grinning, but turned back to Elizabeth as she began to take in her surroundings. His eyes caught a hold of something on her, narrowed, and he extended his hand to her neck. Busted.

My ears caught the sound of running steps and shouts of the Navy. I could see the Commodore running down the wooden boards of the docks to us.

"Where did ye get tha'?" Jack asked her soberly and grim. I glared at her. I knew where she had gotten it, stolen it's more the word.

A sharpened blade sung as it pointed at Sparrow's neck.

"On your feet." Commodore Norrington threatened.

Jack eyed the tip of the sword calmly, but rose all the same, his hands raised at his side.

The governor hurried forward, helping Elizabeth to her feet, "Are you all right?" He asked worridly, putting his light grey blue jacket over her wet and shivering form.

"Yes, yes I'm fine!" She persisted, murmuring.

"What on earth…"He began when he caught sight of Dopey holding his daughter's corset in his hands.

Dopey just now seemed to realize he was holding it, making him look incredibly guilty. He started violently seeing it, his eyes flicked to mine and widened now doubt recalling my prophes, dropped it and pointed at Sparrow.

The governor jerked the coat tighter around Elizabeth, "Shoot him!"

"Father!" Elizabeth shouted.

"What?" He looked exasperatedly at her.

"Commodore!" Elizabeth urged again, "Do you really intend to kill my rescuer?"

Norrington looked at Sparrow doubtfully but finally sheathed his sword, "I believe thanks are in order." He said pompously, extending his hand.

"Damn right…" I muttered.

The Commodore shot me a superior glance, seeming to sum me up and found me no threat. Jack quirked a brow, then turning back to the Commodore, seemed to internally debate shaking his hand. Warily, he made his decision.

I winced slightly as the Commodore turned over his hand and flung up his sleeve, revealing his pirate brand.

"Had a brush with the East India Trading Company did we, pirate?"

Jack grimaced as if any moment he would snap his fingers and go, "Damn."

The governor jerked his coat yet tighter still and said in his extremely high and girlish voice, "Hang him!"

"Gillette!" The Commodore ordered sharply still inspecting Sparrow's arm, "go and fetch some irons! Keep your guns on him, men!"

"Yes, sir."

I wondered if ol' Gillette knew in the future he would be named after a woman's razor.

"Well, well," Norrington murmured disgusted, revealing the tattoo of a Sparrow, "Jack Sparrow, is it?" He sneered dropping his hand.

"Captain Jack Sparrow…if ye please, sir," Jack corrected.

"Really?" Norrington smirked, "Well I don't see your ship…Captain."

Jack tilted his head to one side comically and admitted sadly, "I'm in the market…as it were."

"He said he'd come to comendere one." Dopey said frankly.

"Told ya he was telling the truth!" The chubby one proclaimed. Stepping forward he brought Jack's effects to the Commodore, "These are his, sir."

"Oh and the hat!" Dopey exclaimed, rushing over to snatch it from its perch on my head.

"Touch me," I warned, "and you'll never have children."

The guard blanched and stepped away fearing for his limbs.

"It's all right," Norrington told him, "Unless the fugitive…"

"Standin' righ' 'ere!" Jack protested.

"Unless there is a dagger hidden beneath that hat, there is nothing we need to fear from the girl."

I took off the hat and looked inside, mumbling, "I think I would have FELT it if there WAS a dagger…"

"Silence." Norrington commanded.

"Right ho, gov'na!" I shouted, "Whoops I mean…Commodore…"

Everyone gawked at me.

Standing straight backed and proud, I saluted Norrington.

"You two," He called to Dopey and Chubby.

"They have names ya know!" I defended them, "Well, if they do, I really don't know what they are cause I wasn't there when they were Christianed and…"

"…you men…" He said again pointing a finger at me, "gag her, if only to keep her quiet."

"What?" I shouted, "Back off, Kato! I know Judo!" I hissed at the guards as they approached, frightened.

While I was trying to Judo Chop the soldiers to pieces, Norrington was taking stock of what Jack had in his possession.

"One pistol with no additional shot nor gun powder…" He droned.

"Watch the hair, buddy!"

"…a compass that doesn't point north…"

"EXCUSE ME! I do not believe I gave you permission to put your hands there!"

"Well, if you would stop moving…" Chubby guy complained.

I caught sight of the Commodores slight blush at my blunt words and Sparrow's rakish grin because of it. Norrington cleared his throat trying to clear the rosy color creeping up his neck, pulling Jack's sword from it's sheathe, "And I half expected it to be made of wood," He smirked yet again, "You are, without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of."

I ducked around both guards to get closer to hear this line.

Jack raised his finger, making a very good point, "But ye 'AVE 'eard of me, mate."

I beamed, and holding up a finger I said, "Jack: One, Norrington: not a damn thing."

The Commodore wasn't listening to me as the shackles arrived then and he pulled Jack away from me. Elizabeth rushed forward at the same time throwing her father's jacket on the docks, angrily. I never did understand why she did that. Did she want to be half undressed, surrounded and ogled by men? I still didn't get it. "Commodore, I really must protest!"

"Ah, hell I object too!" I shouted.

"I thought I told you to gag that wench!" Norrington barked.

"Whoa! Hey, there! Gypsy. GYPSY! No need to use slanders!"

"Silence her." Norrington commanded.

Elizabeth seemed oblivious to the fact that no one at the moment was paying attention to her, and stormed on standing in front of Jack, as if she could protect him. Jack was being fitted quite snuggly in a tight pair of irons.

"Pirate or not," Elizabeth argued, "this man saved my life!"

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness," the Commodore reasoned coldly.

"Though it seems enough ta condemn 'im." Jack added, conversationally over his shoulder as Gillette finished handcuffing him.

"Indeed."

I tensed myself expectantly as Gillette stepped away from Sparrow.

"Finally." He muttered, swinging forward and placing the thick iron chain around Elizabeth's neck.

The effect was instantaneous. Startled, Elizabeth cried out sharply, while all of the soldiers aimed their swords and guns at the both of them.

"No!" The governor shouted, "No, don't shoot!" They obeyed, but a righteous fire burned in the Commodore's eyes.

"I knew ye'd warm up ta me," Jack murmured in that thick-sexy voice of his. Elizabeth was so damn lucky! "Commodore my effects please…oh," he added as an after thought, "and me 'at."

No one moved to do his request.

"Commodore!" Jack threatened, pulling tightly on the chains. Norrington yelled at someone to get his things.

"Elizabeth," Jack asked, "It is Elizabeth, isn't it?"

"It's Miss Swann." She growled.

His voice seemed to yawn at her name, "Miss Swann, if ye would be so kind."

The soldier came with Sparrow's things and Elizabeth took them. Spinning her around to face him, he murmured huskily, "Now if ye would be VERY kind."

I WANTED TO BE VERY KIND!

Moving angrily, she dressed him in his effects, snapping tightly on his belt. Jack sent the Commodore a self satisfying smile over her shoulder. One of her snaps almost snipped something because Jack groaned out in a very blush inducing way, "Easy on the good, love."

"You're despicable!" She hissed finishing up.

"Sticks an' stones, love. I saved yer life, ye saved mine. We're square…an' where's me 'at!" He shouted over her shoulder.

"Out of my way!" I declared, pushing through the crowd to stand before Jack and his current hostage.

"Be a good lass, an' bring 'Ol Jack his 'at." He asked pleasantly.

"Depends," I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest. I looked up defiantly at him, "What do I get for my trouble?"

"Tell ye what, I'll think abou' yer reward as ye bring it over, savvy?"

"Savvy." I nodded my head, coming over.

As I approached, he cocked his head, "It actually looks good on ye, lass." He remarked surprised as I walked behind him.

"Not half as good as it looks on you, Captain." I confessed, placing it atop his head.

"Couldn't agree more, actually." He said as I stepped back, "Sorry to inform ye, love, but I 'aven't thought of a reward."

"I have." I claimed, "And there'll be plenty of time to tell you later…So now, I'll just be going…"

"You will stay where you are." The Commodore commanded tersely.

I had begun to walk away but turned slowly on my heel to face him with a furious gaze, "I KNOW you did NOT just order me to do something…"

Jack raised both brows, darting glances between the two of us.

"I did indeed. You just assisted the fugitive. You are now a suspect and you will do as I say…"

"Or you'll do what exactly," I sneered, "hit me with that fisshhhhhh?"

Everyone just stared at me.

"Well, ok, so maybe there isn't any fish but it just reminded me of Dogma then, ya know, when 'I'm the Metatron…"

"She's barking mad!" Dopey whispered.

"And for heavens sake, where is her gag!" The Commodore shouted.

"We tried, sir." Chubby defended.

"Enough of this!" The Commodore snapped impatiently, "You will do as I say or you will answer to the law."

"Gypsy." I told him, "I don't answer to the law."

"Sharp litt'l tart, ain't she?" Jack voiced clearly amused.

"If you will not answer to the law you will answer to a barred cell." The Commodore threatened.

"Not yet!" I whispered, turned fast and sprinted down the docks, I'm sure he would have followed me if Jack hadn't called out, "Commodore! I still 'ave a pretty litt'l lass tha's in need of a rescue 'ere!"

I silently thanked Sparrow's quick thinking as I continued my run. I turned around some hundred feet away when I heard shouts and gunshots, in enough time to see Jack go around and round his own personal merry-go-round. Smiling, I turned and kept running, heading straight for the Blacksmiths.

* * *

I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS CHAPTER, AND WHEN I SAY ME I MEAN "LEANAN SIDHE" ALSO KNOWN AS "THAT CRAZY ASS GIRL BEHIND THE COMPUTER" AND "JACK SPARROW'S BONNY LASS" 


	2. Playing DID and strong female

Disclaimer: I own nothing but me. And Rachel owns herself! That means I, one Vicki Fraser, wrote this here chapter. Please bear that in mind.

Chap. 2

So here's a question: What would you do if you were yanked into a movie? Not just any movie, but the movie you saw 8 times! Well for me, as Rachel already stated, I WAS GOING TURNER HUNTIN' (mmmm salivating)! I mean, wouldn't you, if he was the origin of all your obsessions?

After Rachel and I split up in the alley, I walked out into the open street, which was bustling with activity. I quietly panicked for a moment realizing that this was a market and NOT shown in the movie. I looked around at all the venders; selling things like fruits, jewelry, cloth, and leather goods. It was then that I realized that people were staring at me. I questioned this for a second before realizing it must have been the facial hair I had painted on (with skill if I do say so meself!). I furiously tried to rub it off with spit and my fingers. I glanced down in a puddle to find that I had indeed removed it all.

"Damn cheap makeup! You're lucky I wanted you off!" This outburst only caused more stares in my direction. I did my best impression of a howler monkey which I think worked. The uptight women all turned away, chins held high.

"That's right. Nothing to see here folks, keep walking." I started up one of the streets looking at all the goods as I passed them. Suddenly I heard someone talking to me.

"Oy! You there!" I spun around to see who it was. A rather disheveled looking vendor was motioning me over to his booth.

"What?" I asked him.

"You can't be goin' 'round in pants now, miss! 'S not proper for a lady!" I was going to tell him that I was in no way a lady, I was a teenager, but I didn't.

"So what, good sir, would you suggest?" I questioned him. He reached underneath his booth and withdrew a simple green skirt with a ribbon waist.

"This came into me 'ands last night. I thought it was pretty so I washed it, I did, and now I'm gonna sell it to ya." I had to admit it was pretty. Upon closer inspection I noticed a small flowered print on it.

"Now when you say it came into your hands, you mean you stole it from a whore, right?" I questioned him.

"Yep, tha's it!" He said, unwavering. It was just a lucky guess based on my knowledge of 18th century men.

"So will ye be buying it?"

"I'm afraid I have no money." I confessed, realizing this point.

"Oh, come come. Young lasses like yeself tend to 'ave a least a bit. I'm not asking for much of course." I fished around in my pockets and took out its contents: six pennies, two dimes, a quarter, and nine dollars. I held them out to him.

"What kinda money is this? Where d'ya come from?"

"This money is…uh…they're changing the system here. In a few days this is what we Port Royalers will be using." I said proudly. He narrowed his eyebrows.

"Are ye sure? I 'aven't 'erd nothing 'bout that!"

"Maybe you were with the strumpet when the announcement was made." I offered. He nodded.

"Tha's probably it. Alright, I'll take some of that." I gave him a penny.

"Now, this is the new ten shillings coin" I lied. His mouth immediately fell open.

"Ten shillings! Miss I couldn't ask for that much! I was thinking maybe three!" I quietly thought to myself 'what do you say to three shillings, and we forget the name?'.

"No, no. Really, take it.' I handed him the penny and he handed me the skirt. I thanked him and continued on my way, stopping every now and then to look at the goods. The market soon ended and I up ahead I saw something that made my hear race: the Governor's house. Immediately the thought of Will standing in the doorway, looking so amazing (sizzle sizzle) came into my head. I raced up the street but had to stop dead in my tracks as a carriage whooshed past me. I saw a familiar head poke out of the window: Elizabeth.

"That means," I thought to myself, "that Will's on the doorstep right now!" I ran as fast as my legs could take me to the entrance where I stopped as I found I could not move. There in the distance was clearly Will Turner himself walking down the driveway. I had to think quick. I learned long ago that running up to a guy and jumping on him was not a smart idea. I ran back down the road and sat down. I fussed up my clothes and rubbed some dirt on myself. I looked up just in time to see Will spot me. All the girlish tendencies happened at once. I got goosebumps, a shiver down my spine, maybe one in my nether regions (Arrr! Shiver me nether regions!), my mouth was dry and I lost all control of thought.

"Miss! Are you okay? Do you need some help?"

"Oh… I…um…" I could not muster up any means of talk, I was speechless.

"I'm fine." I managed to choke out. "I must have gotten mugged or something" I stared up into his eyes, they really were that incredible. He narrowed his eyebrows, confused by my stare.

"Here" he said, offering his hand, "I'll take you to the authorities, whoever did this to you must be apprehended. And we must make sure you are not in need of medical attention." I reached for his hand, slowly grasping it. It was rough, like I knew it would be.

"Blacksmith's hands." I thought to myself. I couldn't believe that I was holding his hand, the hands I'd dreamt about, the hands I loved so much. And he was so gentlemanly, like I also knew he would be. "Thank you." I said as he pulled me up. I fixed my clothes and brushed the dirt of myself as best I could.

"I'm sure I'm fine, we don't need to report anything! Oh! I remember now. I managed to fight them off so they took nothing." I told him. I had played "damsel in distress to get his attention, now I'd play "strong female" to keep it. He nodded, seemingly impressed.

"Then why were you on the ground?" he asked. I gulped, I'd been caught.

"I…ah…must have fainted!" I offered. Oh come on! It was all I could think of! He nodded his head, giving me some relief.

"Well if you're sure." He said.

"I'm sure. But thank you so much for your help."

"Of course, it was nothing." He smiled. I was about to faint for real this time.

"Where were you headed when you were…ah…involved in an attempted mugging?" I smiled back.

"I was going to meet my friend. I'm pretty sure she's in town."

"Would you like an escort? I'd like to make sure you're okay."

"YES!" I cried, immediately realizing my outburst. "I mean, thank you that would be lovely." I said in my most lady-like voice. Will offered me his elbow, and I intertwined my arm in it. I grinned, thinking about how jealous this would make Elizabeth.

"May I ask what you're grinning about?" Will asked as we started on our way.

"Oh it's just such a beautiful day. I'm new here, never been to the Caribbean before. It's gorgeous!"

"Yes it is." Will admitted. "Where are you from?"

"Um…Scotland" I answered, remembering my heritage. Well it's true! The Fraser clan of Bonny Scotland!

"Really? You don't have an accent." I gulped. "True dat," I thought, "True dat." He had me.

"I was born in Scotland, raised in England." I said. He gave me a questioning look.

"But you don't have a British accent." I gulped again. Damnit, he was just to smart for me, my little smartie-pants McHot.

"When I say "Raised in England" I mean until I was two. Then we moved to Greece, then Italy, then Spain, then France, then Switzerland, then Ireland, and then," I knew I had to end this; I was nearing the "unbelievable story" line. No wait, I crossed that five minutes ago. "…I joined a traveling troupe and here I am. I guess in all that moving I lost any definable accent. But I'll warrant it's there somewhere!"

"Well it seems you have a very interesting history." Will smiled. HEART……MELTING We continued our walk and Will pointed things out to me. He pointed to the two Royal ships and I cried out.

"The Dauntless and the Interceptor!" Will stared at me in shock.

"How did you know their names?" He asked in disbelief.

"Well… look at them! I mean take that one," I said pointing to the HMS Dauntless. "It's just so…so…undauntable!" Will looked at me, one eyebrow raised. I continued.

"And the other one, it looks to be good at intercepting things like sharks and small mammals…" I rambled.

"Of course." Will said. He chuckled a bit (that's it ima faint!) and once again we continued on our way to town. We entered the town and I began to recognize things; buildings signs. I saw the large sign over the shop window comes crashing down on the pirate holding Will. I know those lines! "Say goodbye!" CRASH "Goodbye!" AHHH I love it! And then I saw it. The statue in the nook in the wall, the double doors, the sign of two crossed tools: The Blacksmith Shop! I was so excited.

"I almost forgot! I'm Will Turner, and..."

"I know you're Will Turner!" I yelled. I heard that name in my dreams, in my thoughts all day!

"How do you know me? You're new here!"

"Well, I'll tell ye, I was walking around the market before I met you. I asked someone where I might be able to find a sword for myself, and after a long argument of "Ye don't need a sword, you're a wench!" Yes I do!" "No ye don't!" "Yes I do!" "No ye don't!" "Yes….I do!" "No ye don't!" "Yes—"

"Alright!" Will interrupted, "I get the idea."

"Right, so he told me that Brown's Blacksmith shop was the place to go, He said that there was a young man who worked there named William Turner. Said you make the finest swords in Port Royal. Swords where the tang is nearly the full width of the blade..."

"I just made on like that!" Will cried. "So you seem to know a bit about swords. Are you any good at sword fighting?"

"I'm alright," I said, a bit smug with myself, "but I bet you're loads better than me. I bet you practice like three hours a day!" Will looked surprised.

"Actually, I do. But anyways, what is your name?"

"Fraser. Vicki Fraser"


	3. Crossed Blades Equal YUM

Disclaimer: Same as before, yada yada yada…I don't own any of the Pirates characters, but I do own myself erego ( hehe visa vi, concordedly…) RACHEL, and certain liberties with the lines and actions of one Vicki Fraser.

* * *

I ducked into the shop, staring at it, my eyes came to rest upon the donkey. Making my way over to it I patted him on the head twice, feeling sorry for the brand it would very soon endure at Sparrow's hands.

Looking around I found a hay stack up in the corner of the rafters. Perfect. This way I could hide AND watch the fight to my great advantage. I was just heading toward it when the knob of the door turned, opening into the shop. I threw myself behind a large barrel, jarring my elbow.

"Ow, shit!" I whispered the curse.

Someone entered, sliding a sword into a sheathe. Walking across the shop, the jangle of beads and coins chorused. Sparrow.

Something like a bottle fell. The jangle of beads moved its way over to the source of the sound. I got to my feet slowly, moving out behind the barrel to find Jack tapping on the sleeping Mr. Brown.

"He won't wake," I said quietly.

Jack spun around, drawing his pistol. Startled, I took a few steps back, nearly cursing again, "Holy friggin…put that thing away!"

"Oh, it's ye lass. Ye shouldn't be sneakin' up on Ol' Jack." He put away the gun with a sigh of relief, "Are ye followin' me, lass?" He asked suddenly suspicious.

"Yes. And I wasn't sneaking up on you. I was merely telling you he won't wake up anytime soon."

"Is tha' so, love?" He asked darting a glance at Mr. Brown's slumped form.

I bowed with a flourish of limbs, "Be my guest! Try your luck and win a prize! Be our guest! Step right up and be our guest!" I sang merrily, prancing about singing the song from Beauty and the Beast with a few revisions as it suited me to put them in.

Jack eyed me oddly, turning back to Mr. Brown and did his weird rebel yell, "Whoa!" Cocking his head to the side he turned to look at me while Mr. Brown snored ever more loudly.

"Told ya." I quipped still jumping around.

"Tha' ye did, lass." He replied getting up and taking off his hat and taking up the irons from the anvil. He began to hit at his chains.

"That's wasting time." I told him looking over his shoulder.

"Aye, an' wha' would ye suggest, love?" He snapped irritated.

"I'm only saying it would take a silly ASS to get those off." I replied smiling a secret smile, turning away to climb the ladder to my hiding space in the hay loft.

I turned back to see a light dawn in his eyes as the looked from the gears in the ceiling to the mule. His eyes narrowed to look at me. "Are ye givin' me clues, lass?"

"Aye…SEATURTLES!" I burst out laughing.

"Yer an odd one, aren't ye?" He asked me as I continued my climb.

"Aye again, matey!" I called reaching the top. Rolling into the hay, "Oh!" I exclaimed my head popping back up, "Would you like a roll in ze hay? ROLL, ROLL, ROLL," I sang rolling around, "ROLL IN ZE HAY!"

Jack rolled his eyes, "I'm stuck in irons with a wench tha' wants a roll in the hay…actually…"

"Just go and brand your ass, Sparrow!" I called, still rolling.

"Righ'."

I heard the whir of the moving gears and in the next few moments the clang as the chains were broken, followed by the sound of the door opening.

"I need to get a few things from here first before we go looking for your friend, Miss…?" If I wasn't mistaken that was Will Turner's voice.

"Fraser. Vicki Fraser." Came the feminine reply, slightly breathless, "And I have a feeling that we're gonna be here longer than you anticipate."

"Vicki!" I burst out from the hay to find Will and her below me.

"Rachel!"

"So this is your friend…and what is she doing in my hay loft, might I ask?" Will said coming forward.

"Well, uh we needed a place to meet so we wouldn't lose each other," Vicki jumped in and his eyes focused on her, "and…and so we chose this place. But of course I ran into you and…it's just a big coincidence."

"Yeah right." I snorted. Sending me a scalding glance she was telling me not to embarrass her. "Plus, it's the perfect spot up here to watch you fight!" I said cheerily.

"Wha…" He began.

"I…I…I …she means work!" Vicki covered, "Would…would it trouble you terribly if we watched you work?"

"Not at all." Will smiled, "But you should join her up there. Sometimes the hot iron sparks and it could burn you."

"Don't you get burned?" She asked sincerely. I rolled my eyes and fell backwards into the hay. She was even worse than I was, and that was saying something.

"Yes, but then…I'm used to it." It sounded like he gave a small chuckle.

The loft shook slightly as Vicki climbed the ladder to it. When she reached the top, I sat up using my elbows as support, "Trouble you terribly?" I questioned her use of old fashioned words.

"I was playing along!" She defended.

"Sure you were, Miss Fraser…" I teased.

"Oh shut up," she whispered throwing some straw at me.

Coughing on the stale, dusty air, I laughed, "Come on, this is our favorite part." We crawled over to the edge to watch the soon to be occurring events.

"Right where I left you…" Will sighed. Throwing off his jacket, he made his way over to the anvil. Vicki bit her knuckles to hold back a squeal.

Cocking his head, he inspected his tools with a critical and wary eye, "Not where I left you…" His eyes scanned the surrounding area coming to land on Sparrow's discarded hat. Reaching for it, his hand was tapped sharply by the end of a sword, held by a dashing pirate (if I do say so myself, which I will, and just did)

"You're the one they're hunting…" Will murmured stepping back, his eyes hard and accusing, "the pirate."

"No DUH!" I whispered.

Vicki hushed me, her eyes riveted on Will's features.

"Ye seem somewhat familiar. 'Ave I threatened ye before?" Jack asked, leaning forward curiously off balance as always.

"I make it a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates." Will replied coldly.

"Ah, well, then twould be a shame ta put a black mark on yer record, so if ye'll excuse me…" Jack said cheerfully, making to walk away.

Furiously Will grabbed a sword from one of the wooden holders from around the room, pointing it's tip at Jack's turned back. Calling up to us warningly, he cried, "Stay aloft madams! If you value your lives do not come down!"

"Are you kidding, we have the best seats in the house?" I shouted back, Vicki tugged on my arm.  
"Shut up or you'll miss your lines."

I nodded my head in approval. The men of course, exhibiting their high testosterone levels paid us no heed.

"Do ye think this wise, boy," Sparrow threatened softly, "crossin' blades with a pirate?" He extended his sword.

Will moved his own sword forward not backing down, "You threatened Miss Swann."

Jack leaned forward moving his sword along the length of Will's sword and back again, making a dangerous sound of metal against metal. Purring on the words with a low hum, he replied, "Only a litt'l."

It was my turn to bite my knuckles in an attempt not to squeal girlishly.

They parried and traded swift blows as if testing each other.

"Ye know wha' yer doing," Jack admitted, "I'll give ye tha'. But…" another wind whisper, "how's yer footwork? If I step 'ere…" he said crossing his legs in an intricate movement. Will followed his lead expertly. "Very good," Jack commended, "and now I step again…" He did so, trading fast sword cuts.

Jack smiled cunningly, sheathed his sword and breathed out one word, "Ta!" Turning he climbed the steps to leave the shop.

Will, his confidence never wavering, took his sword and threw it at the door, hitting it squarely where the door would unlock, making it stick.

"Nice shot!" Vicki cried out.

Jack's eyes widened, as it followed the swaying motion of the sword, making creaks in the wood. Reaching a hand out, he stilled it, and then began in vain to pry it out of the wood.

I smothered a giggle as his motions became overly frantic and desperate. Finally, spinning around on one foot he made his way lazily back to Will, "Tha' is a wonderful trick. But once again ye are between me and my way out," he continued withdrawing his sword with great exaggeration and annoyance, "and now ye 'ave no weapon."

Will surged to the furnace, withdrawing a red hot poker from the burning embers.

"HOT COALS!" Vicki and I chanted low.

Catching sight of the glowing tip Jack's gaze fell and the fight began again.

"I find it somewhat lacking without the swash buckling music…" Vicki commented. Immediately we shared identical twin smiles. Having seen the movie from six to eight times Vicki and I found ourselves humming the scene's fighting song. We stopped ourselves just in time before we got too loud.

The fight had made its way over to the mill where they circled each other, the wood blocking both of their fighting space. Switching sides, trading hands. Jack called out amazed at seeing the large amounts of well made swords, "Who makes all these?"

"I do!" Will shouted proudly, lunging at Sparrow, "and I practice with them…THREE HOURS A DAY!"

They had somehow switched positions yet again, making their way to the center of the room.

"Ye need ta find yerself a girl, mate." Jack leered, tauntingly.

Vicki pointed to herself and mouthed the words, "ME! ME! ME!"

Down below, both swords met with a sharp clang as they met above their heads, "Or," Jack continued easily, "perhaps the reason why ye practice three hours a day is because ye've already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing," he drew out the word deliciously, "said strumpet." Looking down doubtfully he added, "Yer not a eunuch, are ye?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" Vicki exclaimed from next to me, exasperated, "He is NOT a EUNUCH! All of his man parts are there…wait maybe I should check…"

"NO VICKI!" I interrupted her very naughty train of thought.

"Just a little peeksies…?"

"NO!"

While we were fighting above, below Jack and Will were STILL fighting.

"I practice with them three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can KILL IT!" Will shouted.

"Ahhh!" Jack sighed, disbelievingly, backing up as Will moved forward pushing him onto the wheelbarrow. The support fell away from it and both men where thrown into a rocking motion of their limbs in order to keep a balance. This did not deter them to any near degree, as they continued in a flurry of offensive and defensive attacks.

It all came to a stop though when Will took Jack's chains and caught them up in a sword, burying the sword into the rafter above them. Caught, Sparrow knocked up a plank of wood from the wheelbarrow with his heel, knocking Will to the ground. Using his body weight Jack wiggled the sword free, falling down, sending Will up into the rafters.

Confused for a moment or two, Sparrow looked around trying to find Will. Finally looking up he caught sight of him and smiled.

With a serious gaze Will cut from some rigging a bundle of hay, causing Jack to be thrown up into the air.

"I'm thinking of a number 1-10…" I said.

"Seven." Vicki cut in.

"Damnit!"

The fight continued as they jumped from beam to beam. The swords making the rhythm tangible. Catching sight of us watching, Jack threw us a brilliant wink, never missing a beat.

"Stay away from them you slag!" Will shouted, threateningly.

"I will...if it's wha' they want, lad." Jack replied, grinning wildly, and again they were at it.

"Jayzus!" I murmured, "They're just like the Energizer Bunny. Keeps going, and going, and going, and you know…" I waved my hands about, "…GOING!"

They were both jumping down from the rafters now. Jack taking the exhaust bag of ash blew it all on Will, blinding him in a second, kicking his sword out of his hand in another.

Will picked up another heavy rod and turning around found Sparrow with his pistol drawn.

"Come on." I murmured to Vicki, beginning my way down the ladder

"You cheated." Will accused in disbelief.

"Pirate." Jack reminded him.

A thunderous slamming was coming from the door. Norrington, I remembered. Vicki and my eyes met briefly in a look of worry, even though we knew how this little charade ended…

"Move!" Jack demanded of Will, who was blocking the back exit.

"No!" Will replied unyieldingly.

Sparrow's eyes became desperate with a look of bitter sadness, "Please move!" He begged again.

"No! I cannot just stand aside and let you escape!" Will exclaimed adamantly.

Jack's expression became hard and resolute, pulling back the trigger, "This shot wasn't meant for ye."

Will quirked his head to one side, his…

"EYES!" Vicki and I chorused, low.

…in a questioning glance.

A glass bottle shattered over Sparrow's head, and still holding his gun he pitched forward, the same expression never wavering from his face. Behind him stood the dirty, disgusting, drunken, Mr. Brown.

"Rachel, go find a bag." Vicki said.

"I agree, we need to cover his face." I replied dryly.

Just then the Commodore and over thirty men filled the blacksmith shop, keeping their guns on Jack's still form.

The Commodore approached and stood beside Mr. Brown. "You've just assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

"Just doing my civic duty, sir." Mr. Brown grumbled scratchily in his throat. Will rolled his eyes.

"Oh you SOOO were NOT!" Vicki burst out, "Will here kept him busy by dueling to the DEATH, and you have the SHEER NERVE to say that YOU did it all!"

"Who is this?" Norrington asked turning to Will, pointing at Vicki.

"This is Miss Fraser." Will came forward rubbing the grime out of his eyes, "She's new to the area."

Norrington's eyes rested on me and narrowed in recognition, "The appearance of the pirate and the gypsy…"

"What the hell is he talking about? Who's a gypsy?" Vicki whispered behind her hand.

"I…uh…kinda told everyone I was a gypsy…" I confessed whispering back.

Meanwhile Norrington was arguing with Will.

"Turner, this is none of your concern. It is all too much just to be a simple coincidence. Three strangers come to the Port, two of which are obvious criminals, the same could hold true with the third."

"Miss Fraser has been with me the entire day and I have seen no proof that she is as you claim!"

"Just because you have not seen it, Turner, does not mean it doesn't lurk close to the skin, underneath the surface. Gillette," Norrington called over his shoulder, "bring out the irons, we're taking the women to the fort for questioning. Let us see if we can touch the bottom of this black swamp."

This time I didn't fight with them as they placed the heavy chains around my wrists. A night cooped up in a jail cell with Jack. Heaven. Vicki didn't look quite as thrilled as they snapped on her own pair of cuffs.

"Could you loosen these? They're a bit tight," I asked using every bit of perky sarcasm I possessed, "Ya know…terribly uncomfortable."

Spinning around the Commodore ordered, "And for the last time find a gag for that one!"

"Commodore!" Will protested, grabbing his arm roughly, "This is unjust!"

Norrington looked down at the hand holding his own with a look of barely veiled contempt and uncaring, "If she is innocent, Turner, you have nothing to fear. Now remove your hand from my arm."

Glaring steadily, Will did as he was bade.

"As for him," Norrington said smugly looking down at Jack's unconscious form, "I'm sure you'll all remember this as the day, Jack Sparrow, almost escaped. Take them away." He finished waving an imperious finger for our dismissal.

Escorted out by the colony of soldiers I was under heavy guard. I ran up to Norrington.

"Yo Commodore!" I said.

I could tell his patience was wearing thin as he stiffened and wouldn't answer me. I pulled sharply on his coat sleeve. Jerking away, I caught his look of disgust at my having touched him.

"Hey, I just wanted to say…"

"Does your tongue never stop its ceaseless wagging?" He asked annoyed.

"Very rarely," I answered frankly, "but I just wanted to say that you can be handsome in your own way."

He threw me a cold glance.

"Especially when you smile." I added.

"If you're trying to soften me, I'm afraid it will be to no avail…"

"Oh I know that…I just think YOU should KNOW that you can be quite the sexy beast…"

"WHAT?"

"…when you don't even know it."

"Enough!" He commanded raising a hand to silence me, "You talk far too much, girl." He almost snarled. We had reached the fort then.

"Rachel, stop infuriating the Commodore!" Vicki called up to me.

"Come." Norrington ordered, disregarding Vicki as he opened up a door in the Keep that led downward. When we reached the bottom we were walked to the cell at the far end of the room we were all released of our bindings, and pushed in, while Sparrow was unceremoniously thrown in.

Walking swiftly over to the iron door as they slammed and locked it, I caught Norrington by his jacket again.

"It'll be ok, Commodore, you'll find someone…just not the one you expected."

"Oh…?" He asked sneering, raising a brow, "and how would you know?"

"Gypsy. Remember?"

"All too well. Now kindly release me." He cut in sharply.

"Sure…" I let go and then started when I remembered something, "Oh and I also think the guy who says Jack's 'Got to be the best pirate I've ever seen' he's handsome too. Tell him that for me, savvy?"

"Rachel, leave the poor Commodore alone!" Vicki sighed.

Norrington shot me a glance that read obviously that he thought I was insane and turned and made his way back up the stone steps, leaving us with an unconscious Captain.

"Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?" I asked Vicki.

"I'm X's" she claimed, sitting down on the dirt and straw floor, wiping the straw away and drawing the board.

"Damnit!"

* * *

ONCE AGAIN I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS CHAPTER, PRAISE ME! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! LEANAN SIDHE 


	4. Jack and the Ladies

Disclaimer: Hey yall! I'm writing this chapter with a temperature over a hundred! Go me! No illness can delay me…at least not for long. Same as before you know the drill, gosh darnet I still don't own SPARROW the bugger, I don't find WILL attractive so I don't want him, and I find it out of my capacity to pull off the right to own Vicki, her craziness is all instilled in me from being around her and her obsessions which happen to be my obsessions so LET'S GET CRACKING!

* * *

"Three in a row!" Vicki pointed out.

"Damnit!"

"Ahhh…bloody 'ell…" Came a muffled groan from across the cell.

My head snapped to look at Sparrow, who was just now coming to.

"I feel…" He began.

Vicki's face twisted into a look of mock surprise and pain, "…cold…"

"Holy crap!" I sniggered at her Barbossa-won't-die-immitation.

"Nah. I feel like I've been hit over me 'ead with an ale bott'l…" Jack sat up holding his head in his hands.

"You were." I told him.

Looking up at us through his thick and many dreadlocks, he eyed us, "Do I know ye? Ye look awfully familiar, lass."

"We met today at the docks today," I reminded him, "I read your palm…"

"Still a bit fuzzy…" He murmured, crinkling his face in concentration making him look oh-so-like a raison, but a cute one. (Kidding about the raison, no thanks to the French.)

"I predicted that you would be slapped four times by three different women and that you'd be marooned on an island overflowing with rum…"

"Aye, yes, tha' I remember!" He cried, running his hand through his disheveled hair, "Oi! Where's me 'at!"

"Oh, that old thing? We threw it to the dog to use as a chew toy." I sated nonchalantly.

"YE WHAT!" Jack yelped, jumping to his feet, his eyes were widened in disbelief.

"He was hungry."

Jack sputtered.

"We did not…" Vicki scolded me, "It's right behind you." She pointed at the hat at his back.

Scooping it up in his hands he placed it regally on his head like a crown.

"Thank ye, love." He said sending a dazzling smile of gold teeth at her.

I felt a twinge of jealousy.

"Alrighty then!" I said clapping my hands together, "Now that the Captain is awake the real fun begins."

Jack's eyebrows raised expectantly.

"Not that kind of fun." I amended him.

Vicki tilted her head to one side, "You're not thinking of…"

My smile widened, "Truth or Dare."  
888

So we explained the rules of the great game to Sparrow, who more or less got the gist of it.

"Truth or Dare, Jack?" I asked.

"Why do I 'ave ta go first?"

"Because we said so!" Vicki explained.

"So pick one!" I commanded.

"Aye, aye, yer forceful ones, aren't ye?"

We both nodded enthusiastically.

"Alrigh'…" He pondered his decision for a moment, finally he answered, "Dare."

"Oooo la la!" I cooed delighted, "Huddle!" I cried. Vicki and I conversed for a few moments and decided unanimously.

"We dare you…" I began ominously, and Jack winced slightly at the thought of what our dare might be.

"…to sing 'A Pirates Life For Me!" Vicki finished.

Surprise showed clearly on his features but in a pleased way, "Now tha', I'll consent to!"

Getting to his feet, he began the song with true happiness and willingness, "We pillage an' plunder an' rifle an' loot! Drink up me 'earties! Yo ho!"

Vicki and I didn't need any pressing as we jumped to our feet and joined in, "We're devils!" Vicki sang.

"And Blacksheep!" I laughed.

"And really BAD EGGS!" Jack sang, "All together now!" He commanded, waving his fingers like a maestro in a concert hall.

"Drink up me 'earties! Yo ho! YO HO, YO HO, A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!"

We collapsed into a heap of laughing limbs as we finished the song. Tears were running down my face at the absurdity of what we were doing! Singing with the famed Scourge of the Seas, Captain Jack Sparrow! I didn't realize I had fallen back on to Jack until Vicki coughed and catching my eyes, wiggled her brows suggestively.

My eyes widened as I sat up quickly. Jack hadn't seemed to notice. Thank god.

"I like ye, loves! Any wench who can sing tha' song by 'eart 'as earned me respect."

"What if we want something else from you?" Vicki asked slyly, with a sideways glance at me.

"Wha' was tha', love?" Jack asked leaning closer.

"Uh…she said, 'Your turn, Jack'!" I added desperately, after elbowing Vicki in the gut.

"Aye, now which lucky lass, shall I pick?" He murmured stroking his bearded, "I've got it. Ye," he said pointing at Vicki, "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth." Vicki answered automatically.

"Bugger it…" He murmured after a time of indecision, "it's worthless but….wha' are yer names?"

"Vicki…"

"Tha' would be short for Victoria, I'd wager. And ye, lass?" He asked pointing to me.

"Rachel."

"Rachel…" He mused over the name, slurring it in his mouth. Coming from him it didn't sound so lame. "It's a peculiar name. 'Ebrew, is it?"

"Yeah," I sighed, "Although I'm not proud of it."

"Why?"

"Translated it means…promise not to laugh?"

"Come on, tell us." Vicki encouraged.

Raising a bejewled hand as if taking an oath, Jack proclaimed, "I swear on me 'onor as a pirate, I will not laugh at ye ridiculous name."

"Yeah," Vicki added, "Whatever he said."

"Ok then…" I wavered in my decision to tell them, and then voiced annoyed, "It means 'Lamb of God.'"

There was about a moment of agreed silence before both Vicki and Jack burst into uproarious laughter.

"BAAAAAAAA! BAAAAAA!" Vicki screamed with laughter. Jack was sputtering, trying very hard (I'M SURE, major sarcasm here) not to laugh.

Laughing myself, I slapped him sharply on his arm, "You promised you wouldn't laugh!"

"Ah, ah, ah!" He tutted, " I swore on me 'onor as a pirate that I wouldn't make fun of ye, and it is the greatest 'onor of a pirate ta break 'is word."

"Damnit," I muttered, "I just never win."

"Rachel," Vicki asked, "Truth or Dare?"

It was a dangerous move but, "Truth."

Vicki rubbed her hands together menacingly, "You really are asking for it. OK. Tell us what you think of Jack."

Raising a brow, seemingly interested and intrigued, he asked, "Wha' do yeh think of me, love?"

A moment of panic caught up with me. There was no way in HELL I was going to tell him that I was absolutely crazy about him. But I realized I could get out of this one, and smiled.

"I think you're positively the best pirate I've ever seen or heard of." With the exception of Captain Hook, of course. (still haven't made up me mind about that one.)

Vicki's mouth gaped open, realizing I had eluded the real question she had asked.

"Really, now…?" Jack purred vainly flattered.

"Hold on one friggin' second!" Vicki protested, "You know I wasn't asking that!"

"Ah, ah, ah!" I tutted just as Jack had done, "but you never detailed the specifics of your question, eh, savvy?" I smirked.

"Learns fast, don't she?" Jack commented.

Vicki looked like she would argue and burst out and tell him the real truth when I said, "So, Vicki…Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." She picked grudgingly.

"Payback," I murmured, "I dare you to do your impressions of Jack…right now in front of us!"

I couldn't help but laugh at her horrified expression. Gritting her teeth she threatened me, "You are so going down for this!"

"Yeah, yeah," I laughed, waving aside her words, "Come on, we're waiting."

She got to her feet, wiping off the dust from her back, "Which scene?"

"How about his entrance?" I suggested, "I'll play the old dock master."

"Ok, gotta put on my face." Rolling back her shoulders and clearing her throat loudly three times, she began.

Vicki had a real talent in her. She was smart and quick witted for any situation and thought of things right off the top of her head. So doing Jack was a walk in the park for her. (Vicki pointed out this sentence sounded wrong and I agree, I don't know if she walks in parks…oh and Jack's mine so it holds more true with Will…onward!)

She began to walk across the cell, her shoulders almost back in an impossible angle, swaying drunkenly from side to side.

"Ey, you there!" I called to her, in my character of the Dock Master.

Spinning around on one foot, arm hanging limply to be cast out anywhere, she swiveled to look at me and walked over.

"It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the Docks."

Vicki looked behind me toward empty space where the supposed ship would have been.

"And I shall need to know your name." I added.

"Wha' do yeh say ta three shillings," she husked low in The Voice, "and we FORGET the name?"

"Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Smith."

Bowing with hands clasped in thanks, she walked away, stopped, pretending to pick up a money bag and jingled it for change. Ending our performance we both bowed. Jack clapped enthusiastically.

"Excellent!" He praised as we took our seats again, "but…" his voice became serious, " 'Ow is it that ye 'appen ta know wha' 'appened before I even met ye? So I 'ave a question for the both of ye. Who are ye and where do ye come from?"

"That's two questions." Vicki pointed out.

He sent her a look that stilled her immediately. Jack wasn't playing anymore.

"And you know who we are as we just introduced ourselves." I reminded him.

"Foine," he nodded his head gravely, "but that still leaves one question unanswered."

"Yes but you wouldn't believe us even if we told you."

"I said no lies!" Vicki whined. We were bursting with laughter. Jack simply waited patiently until we calmed, his gaze still steady. I repeated what I had said before.

"I 'eard ye the first time, lass. But why don't yeh try me?"

"She'd like to." Vicki snorted.

I hit her pretty hard that time.

"Ok, so here it is…We are from the future, in a world where this is a movie, don't ask," I continued stopping his unsaid question of what a movie was, "And we had a dream and this is it, due to a caffeine and sugar overdose. There you have it Captain, are we all savvy?" I found the whole situation rather annoying for a dream.

He was silent for a moment, "I don't believe yeh."

"I TOLD you." I shot back, growing impatient with him.

"Ooooooooooooooook, I think it's getting a little angry in here. Let's start a new game." Vicki mollified us, "SPIN THE BOTTLE! Yes! Hold on, I'm gonna go look for one!" She scrambled to her feet to look around for a discarded beer bottle.

I sighed, tired. Certainly I wasn't supposed to be tired in my own dream, right?

"Why don't ye just tell me the truth?" Jack asked.

"Already did!" Vicki cried over her shoulder, rifling through the piles of straw.

"Alright, we confess." I smiled faintly realizing I was quoting Sparrow again, "We're a part of a traveling performing troupe. I'm from Italy, I tell fortunes. She's from Ireland and she does comedic imitations. We became separated from our troupe and are now after our own fortunes."

Vicki popped into my storytelling to chirp, "Isn't it amazing what you can learn in Drama class?" And once again went in search of a bottle for the game.

"See, now that I can swallow." He replied, seeming to relax more, "But why didn't ye just tell me all tha' before? Could of saved us quite o' lot of trouble."

I was opening my mouth to answer him when Vicki walked over to us, "Ok, the guys next door said they don't have any bottles, but they gave me this bone so I guess it will have to do. And I think they wanted my phone number…" She made a face sticking out her tongue, as she held out the bone.

"So…" Jack sighed, taking the offered bone, " 'ow do ye play this game?"

Vicki and I shared secret evil smiles.

* * *

"I think I'm beginnin' ta like this game…" Jack Sparrow claimed, with a look of complete smugness and wickedness on his face.

I exchanged a nervous glance with Vicki. Acting naughty while Sparrow was anything but was one thing. When he was naughty back, it was an entirely different matter altogether.

"I wonder which of ye will be me first?" He mused aloud.

"Neither," I said confused, "I don't know when ye…oh shit…excuse me…YOU had your first but it was long before now."

"Aye…yer right. Tha's the god's truth if there ever were such o' thing!" He chuckled.

"Alright, alright, let's just get this over with!" I exclaimed in an irritated sigh.

"Aye, patience, love, patience." He murmured low. My skin crawled at the sound.

Vicki nudged me as Jack bent to spin the bone, "He is SO hitting on you!"

"Shut up!" I hissed at her. My eyes were riveted to the spinning bone.

* * *

"No, no, I refuse!"

"Jack, the bone landed on that skinny dude in the next cell, you have to!" I goaded him, pushing him closer to the other end of the cell.

"I've changed me mind! I don't want ta play anymore! And ye can't make me!" He protested.

"Oh you'd be surprised," Vicki told him.

"Would I, now?" He sneered.

"Yes," I leaned closer menacingly, "you would." I reached my hand out and tickled his side, my secret weapon.

He jumped back a stunned expression on his face.

My eyes widened, "Oh my god, Vicki! Our Captain Jack Sparrow is…majorly ticklish!"

"Nuh uh…" She quirked her head questioningly, "Really?"

I wiggled my fingers and caught him on the other side this time.

"Wha' the bleedin' Hell are ye doin'!"

"10-4 on that, Vicki. Really, he is."

I reached out for him again.

"Ye stay away from me, yeh 'ear!"

"Fine, Jack. We won't play the game anymore. But hey, who knows maybe the next time you spun, it would have landed on one of us." I sighed feigning disappointment.

Sparrow ran his finger over his bottom lip in contemplation.

* * *

"I'm not bleedin' doin' it!"

"Come on, Jack. It landed on the FAT one this time!" Vicki squealed in laughter.

"This can't all be just a coincidence!" Jack exclaimed.

"Maybe I did curse you." I snorted.

"Ye are a curse!" He shot back.

"Hey now!" I proclaimed.

"An' besides tha', I think yer cheatin'," he said becoming bolder and stepping forward.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

"Ye tricked me inta playin' this stupid game! TWICE!"

"Well, I am a gypsy." I reminded him.

A look stole into his eyes. A look that cannot be described as anything but the Jack Sparrow Look. "Aye," He murmured, "and I'm a pirate."

"I know that." He was making me nervous.

"I don't think ye do, love." He said stepping forward again.

Vicki had gotten bored of us and was playing Spin The Bone by herself. (Come here doggy, the great bone landed on you!) She gave the dog a quick hug before it scampered away to torture the other inmates with the keys. "Drat! I was so befuddled by his cuteness I forgot to snag the keys!"

"Ye best stop pesterin' me or ye'll learn the meanin' of the word. I'll…"

"You'll what?" I scoffed, "Sing the Pirate Song til I die of sheer boredom!"

"I was goin' ta say, lass, tha' I'd have ta kiss ye to put ye in yer place."

Vicki perked up hearing this.

My eyes widened, afraid. Jack of course saw this and his crafty look grew even more, stepping closer.

"I'm not afraid of you." I declared unsteadily as he approached.

" 'Fraid of somethin'. It's just a kiss." He smiled.

But that's the thing: to him it was just a kiss but to me it was more and it was a position I did not want to be put in.

"Oh, romance scene!" Vicki exclaimed, "Someone get some popcorn! What am I saying…KISS HER, JACK!"

Jack smiled at her winningly, and turning back to me he approached one more step and I found my back against the stone of the wall.

"Wha' do ye say, love? Shall I listen to yer friend?"

He was close now and I was freaking out. He leaned in. I pushed him back roughly.

"Let's not." I snapped tartly.

He didn't seem fazed or hurt at all by this news. He just smiled again, flashing a gold tooth, "An' why not?"

"We have an audience." I pointed out to him, looking at Vicki.

"Don't mind me!" She chirped back.

"I don't mind." Jack murmured.

"I do. So I'll just take a rain check, savvy?" I said pushing past him.

"Oh come on! It was just getting good!" Vicki cried, disappointed.

"Show's over!" I snapped again, "What are you looking at?" I bit out at the neighboring people in the other cell.

Turning around, I saw Jack go to sit on the stone crevice in the wall, grinning smugly. Placing his hat over his eyes, but not before he winked in my direction. I came and sat down next to Vicki deciding that we should try to get some sleep as other things were going to be happening that night.

She merely looked at me.

"What?" I asked her.

"You…TRAMP!" She whispered, "You are so playing hard to get with him!"

"Shut up." I told her, rolling over to try to sleep.

* * *

When I awoke, I could hear whistling. My alarm clock didn't whistle; it beeped annoyingly until I beat the tar out of it with a baseball bat.

I groaned sitting up.

"Mornin' love…" Came the deep reply from behind me. Turning around, my mouth dropped open in shock. Jack Sparrow was sitting in front of me, looking as delicious as ever.

"Wha…what…?" I mouthed the words quietly.

"Evenin' actually…" Jack murmured again.

Hadn't this dream ended yet?

The whistling that woke me up was the call of the other inmates as they pleaded with the dog to come closer with the keys.

Jack, without looking at them voiced, "If ye keep doin' tha' forever the dog is NEVER goin' ta move.'

"Well, excuse us if we haven't resigned ourselves to the gallows just yet." The skinny one (that Jack was supposed to have kissed before) muttered to him.

Another smile and it seemed Jack went back to sleep.

Getting to my feet slowly and as quietly as I could, I made my way over to Jack. I had to know, if this was…real. Reaching a hand out I made to take Sparrow's hat from his head, when a tanned hand gripped my own in a reflexive movement of being a pirate.

"Tha's me hat, lass, and I don't' want it off."

Springing back from him, I gulped back a scream, making it come out as a whimper. REAL! THIS WAS ALL REAL!

"It's not a dream, Rachel." I heard Vicki tell me. Turning I saw she was already awake. She looked a little subdued by her own shock.

Jack had pushed up his hat with a finger to look at us speculatingly.

"Ok, here's when you have the right to panic." I mumbled to myself, pacing.

"Unless," Vicki began, "it's a dream within a dream…which could make sense…I suppose…"

"I'ts not." I told her solemnly.

"Oh hell, I'll take it anyway." She began to smile. I somehow found myself doing the same.

"Hey, Vicki?"

"Yeah."

"How about a toast?"

"I read you loud and clear girl. Take what you can!"

"Give nothing back!"

We really had seen the movie far too many times.

" 'Ow is it tha' ye know of the Pirate Moto?" Jack asked us, his hat still over his eyes.

We didn't answer as we heard a faint rumble in the distance.

Jack sat up, tense and alert, his hat still covering his face, "I know those cannons." He whispered.  
Moving back the hat, he climbed up on the crevice to look out our cell's small little window.  
I moved closer to hear him say the next words, a smile of recognition and pride in the black ship below on his face, "It's the Pearl."

"Black Pearl?" The skinny inmate asked his voice quivering, "I've 'eard stories of 'er. She's been praying on ports and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors."

Jack turned and answered cockily, "No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?"

His grinning was driving me mad. I bit the inside of my palm, smiling insanely.

"Rachel, you might want to move away from the wall." Vicki said.

"Huh?" I responded, dully still looking at Sparrow.

In the next second she had grabbed my arm and moved me back . In the next second after that, Jack had dived from the wall as a cannon ball crashed in leaving a gaping hole through which everyone could escape through…everyone in the cell next to us, that is.

"Goddamnit, that sucks." I muttered jarred away from my Sparrow Spying.

All the scurvy dogs left us there sniggering loudly, all except for the skinny one who turned on his way out to say a few parting words to us, "My sympathies friends, you've no manner of luck at all."

"Oh I think he likes you!" Vicki crooned at Jack.

"I think he's an ass." I muttered.

"No doubt in me mind abou' tha', love." Jack replied.

"Well what should we do now? It won't get exciting for a little while now…" I said.

So Vicki and I somehow (don't' ask me how) got into an argument about Norrington being a bigger pansy than Ichabod Crane.

"Come on, at least he doesn't act like a thirteen year old Angela Lansbury, and screams like a girl!" I demanded of her.

"He's a pussy boy!"

"He IS not!"

"Is too!"

"If ye two wouldn't mind, I'm tryin' ta get us free…" Jack murmured, who was now holding the bone enticingly out to the dog.

"Just don't call him a cur." I warned him.

" 'Ere doggy, that's it, good dog, that's it. It's just ye and me now, just ye and Ol' Jack…"

Vicki coughed to remind him of our presence.

"…an' the ladies." He continued rolling his eyes. The dog had begun to approach timidly, the keys swinging temptingly in his doggy jaws, "Tha's it, come on ye. Ye slimy, mangy, cur!"

The dog scampered down the stairs next to us, hearing the insult.

"No, come back! I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!" Jack pleaded to the dog's retreating form.

"You idiot!" I said, slapping him upside the head.

"Poor doggy…" Vicki sighed, "he's so mistreated."

"What part of 'don't call him a cur' escaped your comprehension?" I continued, berating Jack.

Jack called me an interfering wench, among other things.

"You conceited ass, why I oughta…!" I shouted outraged.

"Ye oughta wha'?" He asked raising a brow.

'Have hot-rugged-rough-sex- with you' My mind was screaming.

"I though' as much…" Jack smirked.

Before I knew it, my hand had pulled back and I had slapped him.

"Ow…" Vicki winced.

Realizing what I had done, I rushed forward, "Oh, I'm so sorry…!"

"Now, I KNOW I didn't deserve THA'." He mumbled.

"You provoked me…" I defended weakly.

"Aye. Great talent o' mine, or so I've been told."

BANG! The sound echoed against the walls, Our heads all turned to look up at the stone steps as a body fell down them to rest at the bottom, followed by two pirates (and not the good looking kind either)

"This ain't the armory!" That was Twiggy.

The dark one, Kohler's eyes landed on us, for he sheathed his sword and murmured stepping closer, "Well, well, well, look wha' we got 'ere, Twiggy. Captain Jack Sparrow."

While they had been coming down Jack had moved right up to the bars and now his brow furrowed as the man spat at his feet.

The one called Twiggy came just behind the other as he added his own slanders to the mix, 'Las' time I saw ye, yeh was on a god forsakin' island, shrinkin' inta the distance." He added to his comrade, "His fortunes aren't improved much…" he then spotted us standing just beyond Sparrow, "…or maybe they have…"

"Bite me, Bambi." I snorted in his direction.

"Oooo, that one's feisty, Sparrow. 'Ad yer way wif 'er yet?" He asked him.

"Speakin' of fortunes," Jack began.

"We weren't speaking of fortunes," Vicki muttered, "We were speaking about some serious ass bashing if those two continue talking."

Jack rolled his eyes and continued, "Worry abou' yer own fortunes, gentlemen. The deepest circle of Hell," He informed them, "is reserved for betrayers an' mutineers."

Kohler's face twisted into a look of cold fury. Thrusting his arm through the iron bars, he grabbed Sparrow by the throat. In the movies, you know it's fake. The decomposing bones and cloth, but seeing it in real life wasn't as entertaining.

"Holy Shmaloly!" I burst out.

"Ew," Vicki voiced, "that is so gross."

Sparrow's eyes widened in shock and his throat constricted beneath the pirates hold, "So there is a curse?" He looked up into their eyes and added a little nervously, " Tha's interestin'"

"You know nothing of hell." Kohler growled. Letting go of Jack's neck with a violent jerk, they turned and left not even looking back.

Watching their retreating forms with interest, Jack raised the bone he had been holding and mused aloud, "Tha's VERY interestin'"

I marched up to him, hands on my hips, " 'Ad yer way wif 'er?" I asked, questioning him sharply.

He turned smirking again, "Well," he looked me up and down none to subtly, "not yet."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes muttering one word at him, "Playa."

"Major playa." Vicki agreed.

"Well," Jack claimed, making his way back to his stoop, "we should all get some shut eye. Busy day tomorrow, we're all gonna 'ang…"

"Oh no, we're not!" I stated.

"Hell no." Vicki added.

"Oh?" He asked raising a brow as he settled on his stone perch, " An' 'ow do ye know this?"

"Do I really have to say it again!" I exclaimed.

The silence that followed told me I did.

"I'm a freaking Gypsy, for crying out loud! I know all sorts of things!"

"An' wha' this word yeh be usin', lass? Freckin'…? Friggen'…Freakin'?"

"It's another way of saying a bad word we can't say." Vicki explained.

"An' why is tha'?" He asked raising another brow.

"Because it's a Disney movie." She stated as though this were obvious to everyone.

"Aye, why else?" He murmured sarcastically, " 'Ere's me reward, stuck in a cell with you foine, ladies. I wish there was some Rum…"

"Speaking of rewards…" I interjected.

"We weren't speakin' of…" Jack started.

"Yes, we were." Vicki mollified him.

"You still owe me a reward for giving you your hat back." I reminded him.

"By the powers, yer righ'!" Jack said sitting up, a playful grin spread across his face, "So's yeh be ready for tha' kiss, lass, then?"

"No. Something better."

"I'm all for it, love, but 'ow are we ta get rid of yer pretty friend?"

My mouth dropped, "Does your mind EVER get out of the goddamn gutter!"

"Rachel, think of who you're asking." Vicki pointed out.

"Good point." I admitted, "Anyways, for my reward I'm only asking for one thing…"

"An' wha' would tha' be?" Jack asked.

"When you go after the Black Pearl, you let us come with you."

"An' who says I am?" Jack asked confused.

"We do." Vicki told him.

Jack shrugged his shoulders, "Aye then, I promise."

"I want your word on that." I told him sternly.

"I swear on me 'onor as a pirate…"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that again. Swear on something else."

"I swear on pain o' death…"

"Nope, you'll use that swear later." I murmured, thinking. Looking him in the eye I knew how he would HAVE to keep his word, "Swear on your love for the Black Pearl."

Jack's expression became still and serious, "An' who says I do?"

"We do." Vicki said again.

"Aye, aye, should've known tha'." He actually sighed, "Aye, I swear on me love for the Black Pearl, to let ye follow if I go after 'er."

"Good. We have an accord!" I reached my hand out. He clasped it in his own hand and we shook. I tried to pull my hand back but he kept it firmly in his grip. His thumb brushed over my knuckles, softly. My heart felt like it had gone to sleep, only those tiny pinpricks were intensified enough so that it climbed up my neck into my mouth making it dry. Looking up, Jack smiled a slow, lazy smile. I actually felt drunk (me who had never had an alcoholic sip in my life! Ok Ok so I had a Cosmopolitan in Paris, but still!)

"Uh…Jack," Vicki ventured, smiling, "Rachel still needs that hand ya know."

Her comment had startled and brought me around again. Jerking my hand back, I glared at him. He merely laughed at this.

"Ok, break it up you two," Vicki sighed, "stop flirting."

"I am NOT!" I exclaimed.

Jack raised his finger in the air, "I am!"

"Shut up! Both of you!" I hissed, making a pile of hay for me to sleep on. Vicki made her own bed at the other end of the cell.

Jack on the other hand, took out a small knife from his boot and began to whittle the bone down. He started to hum, deeply and pleasantly. No doubt 'A Pirates Life For Me' again.

I twisted and turned for a few moments until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Jack…" I said sitting up.

"Aye?" He hummed in response.

"Put a sock in it."

He smiled, still not looking at me, "Aye, then."

I groaned frustrated and fell back onto the hay.

"Good night, mi'ladies. Sleep nice an' tight."

I closed my eyes tight trying to block out his voice.

"An' don't let the nasties bite."

Those were the last words I heard from him that night.

* * *

GOLLY GEE, BATMAN! I FINALLY FINISHED THE CHAPTER! Ever so sorry about the wait, I hate waiting ( OMG! THE PRINCESS BRIDE IS SCRAMBLING MY BRAIN!) So anyway same old, same old, I wrote this terribly long and probably boring chap, LEANAN SIDHE. I leave you with this fabulous Vicki quote (she be a clever lass to think o' such things) "WOULD YOU LIKE…………….BANANA? HUH! BUT IF YOU SAY YES, IT STANDS FOR A MALE ENTITY! 


	5. The Morning After

Disclaimer: Vicki's chapter, although I'm typing it up cause I took Mavis Beacon teaches typing eight and can do thirty two words a min. on a good day. (smirk) So without further gilding the lily…….

V's note: Hey guys, apologies (is that how you spell it?) galore to all you guys who've waited so patiently for my lazy self to update. Well here it is, enjoy!

* * *

Needless to say the sword fight scene kicked some serious ass! It was good to see Rachel, no matter how much I loved bashing around Port Royal it was good to see a familiar face. Not to mention I guessed the right number 1 to 10 six times in a row. And when we were led off to jail, Will stuck up for me! Ah ha! My feminine wiles have already caused him to fall under my spell! Or maybe that is just all the flattery he got from me. Either way I LOVED the look of almost sadness as we were led away by that pansy Norrington. I don't care what Rachel says, he's worse than Ichabod Crane. But anyways, we managed to enjoy ourselves thoroughly. A good game o' spin-the-bone clears up any problems you may have. We managed to get a bit of sleep, even with Jack's occasional gleeful cry of, 'But it's the Pearl!' Yes, Jack, we know. And morning came soon enough and with the sun came Will looking so distraught I thought I would cry. I was glad though to have missed his whispered desperate cry of "Elizabeth" at spotting his (gag, cough, ugh!) beloved being kidnapped.

"You, pirate!" Will called not noticing us. I guess his mind was on Elizabeth, locked in a cell, all alone, wet and vulnerable………ugh! What am I saying! Get those perverted thoughts out of your head Will! They have no place in your gorgeous, high lighted, curly haired head.

"Aye?" Jack said, sitting up a bit after pretending to be asleep. His bone lock-pick hadn't worked. I TRIED to tell him. Bloody pirates, so stubborn all the time! So we were still here of course.

"You know of the Black Pearl?"

"I've 'eard of it."

"Where does it make berth?" God I love him and his naivete.

"Where does it make berth? 'Ave ye not heard the stories?"

"I have!" Rachel cried jumping up. I put one hand on her shoulder and pushed her down. Will simply looked at Jack, who went on to explain.

"Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isle de Muerta . An island that cannot be found, except," Jack did the finger movement I'd tried so hard to reproduce, but couldn't, "by those who already know where it is."

"The ship's real enough there for it's anchorage must be a real place. WHERE IS IT?" Oooh, feisty-ness is a-comin'!

"Why ask me?"

"Because you're a pirate."

"And ye want to turn pirate yeself, is that it?"

"NEVER!" Ahh! There we are. Touchdown on feisty! Whoo hoo! Two points!

"They took Miss Swann." And the feisty-ness is gone, intercepted by Elizabeth. She always manages to weasel her way in here somehow.

"Oh, so it is that ye found a girl!" Rachel poked me in the rib.

"And it isn't you! HA!" She said.

"Just remember Rachel darling, I can tell Jack how you really feel anytime I want! I own you! You're my bitch!"

"Damnit! Yes pimp-daddy Vicki." She didn't sound so happy so I smiled and gave her a slight push, both of which she returned.

"Well," Jack continued, "if you want to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone mate. I see no profit in it for me." Rachel squealed a bit.

"Oh, believe me, Jack. You'll get profit. Sure you'll be slapped around a bit but isn't that the fun part?" She questioned.

"Besides," I added, "That's what you're here for!" Jack grunted a bit.

"If that's all I'm good for then why are ye following me around all the time?" Rachel and I looked at each other.

"He's got us there." Rachel admitted. Will finally noticed us and bowed his head at each of us in turn. The color of his cheeks could have been seen from space.

"I can get you out of here!" Will said, turning his attention back to Jack.

"How's that? The keys run off."

"Yeah, and who's fault was that, huh?" Rachel spat, obviously still a bit sore at Jack's slandering the night before.

"I helped make these cells. These are half pin-barrel hinges." Jack furrowed his brow not understanding. Ahh, dear Jackie boy, your confusion amuses me so.

"With the right amount of leverage and the correct application of strength, the bars will lift free." Will stood leaning on the bench he'd jarred into the cell bars.

"Ooh, time for Strong Arms McHott!" I whispered to Rachel, who rolled her eyes to the heavens. Jack looked inquisitively at Will.

"Wha's your name, boy?" Wills eyes got that deep intensity to them.

"Will Turner." He answered.

"That'd be short for William, good strong name, no doubt named after your father, eh? Just like Miss Victoria here. Wait, no. Scratch that, reverse it. Wait tha's still not right. Nevermind." Will looked surprised at Jack's knowledge.

"Yes." He quietly murmured. "Miss Fraser, did you tell him?" I shook my head, and Jack continued.

"Uh huh….well I've changed me mind. If you spring me, er……..and the ladies o' course from our cell, I swear on pain o' death, I will take you to the Black Pearl, and your bonny lass."

"I'm not listening, not listening!" I said to myself covering my ears. I loved the line in the movie but somehow hearing Jack refer to Elizabeth as Will's bonny lass in real life was enough to know me off my feet. Which, as I was sitting on the floor, rocking like a mental institution runaway it must have.

"Do we have an accord?" Jack asked, getting to his feet. Will considered this for a moment.

"Agreed." He said, thrusting his hand into Jack's.

"Agreed! Get me out!" Will stood behind the bench and with a sharp push the door cracked and fell off it's hinges.

"Hurry!" Will urged waiting for us all to exit the cell, "Someone will have heard that."

"Not without me effects!" Jack cried grabbing them from off the hook.

"Um, Jack?" I questioned him as we sprinted up the steps.

"What?" He yelled in a low voice.

"What exactly are effects? I mean, why are they called that?" We stopped in an alley way so Jack could put on his hat and other things.

"They're CALLED effects because they HAVE effects on people. My sword effects people when I stab 'em in the gut. My compass affects me direction. My pistol will affect one special person when I shoot 'em in the 'ead. And finally, my hat affects all the ladies because I look so bloody good in it." He said throwing the hat on his head and tipping it jauntily to the side.

"It sure as hell does!" Rachel blurted out. Jack grinned toothily at her as she immediately realized what she'd said.

"Did I just say that out loud?" She blushed looking embarrassed.

"Yep, you sure did!" I answered. Even Will laughed. (Yes, I fainted) We ran through the back ways and alleys till we reached the beach. We stopped for a moment to view the ships.

"We're going to steal a ship?" Will asked nervously, his eyes widening catching sight of the Dauntless, "That ship?"

"Commandeer. Nautical term. We're goin' ta commandeer that ship." Jack corrected pointing to the Interceptor. He turned suddenly, "One thing boy or there's no use in us going. This girl, how far would you go to save her?" I knew the line coming up and I braced to hear it.

"I'd die for her!" Will said without hesitation.

"Oh god." Rachel said once again rolling her eyes. I pinched her, hard.

"Oh, good. No worries then!" Jack answered.

"Actually," I started, "There's plenty of wo-" Rachel's hand flew over my mouth, silencing me quickly.

"What IS the matter with ye two? Always yelling things out and yelling at each other and yelling at me! Is there something ye need to tell ol' Jack?" Rachel and I looked at each other. We turned to Jack and simply smiled.

"He does have a point, Ms. Fraser. You two do seem to be acting a bit odd."

"Unless we know that by acting odd you'd think we weren't really obsessive teenagers………" Rachel stated, hinting at a quote said earlier on. Both Will and Jack looked confused, I don't think they knew what a teenager was.

"I want a banana!" Jack suddenly stated.

"Not now, Jack! We have to save Elizabeth!" I cried in a Will-esque voice.

"Indeed!" Jack answered, "Onward!" It was time for the ingenious plan.

* * *

"Ms. Fraser, why are you up there again? I'm not sure it's safe." Came Will's bubbly question. See, both Will and Jack were underneath the water. I was sitting on top, holding on with my hands.

"I'm the lookout, remember? If anyone is coming I'll beat down on the boat." I supposed that anyone who saw this strange sight would perhaps not want to take a closer look.

"This is either madness," Will started. Oooh, love this line, "Or brilliance!" He finished.

"Surprising how often those two traits coincide." Jack said, which caused me to immediately remember something.

"Oh, Will! Look out for the –crunch-…..ohh nevermind. I guess it does come in handy." I looked behind me to see that Will did indeed step in the wooden crate. Good thing Rachel wasn't here. She'd call him clumsy or something. Mmm my little Clumsy-Boots McHot. We reached the H.M.S. Dauntless quickly enough. Will heaved the crate up and roped it around the railing. With only a bit of struggling we managed to climb the side of the ship. I had a bit of trouble at the top but with a helping hand from Will (the last step is a do-sy) I managed to make it onboard.

"Yank thu!" I said to Will as he was helping me up, "I mean Thank you!" Guess I was a little flustered.

"Of course Ms. Fraser." He answered. What a gentleman! We tiptoed over to the stairs that go down to the lower deck. I was keeping my eyes open for Rachel. She had gone before us, finding some way that meant she wouldn't have to get wet. I was starting to think she was a cat. The men went before me and I followed, awaiting the scene to come.

"Gentlemen, remain calm, we are taking over the ship!" Jack cried, running down the stairs. Will chose to take the jumping over the railing way and stopped behind Jack, his sword drawn and raised.

"Aye, avast!" He cried out with strength. "Oh he does try." I said dreamily. Unfortunately the sailors did not hear this the same way I did and they laughed. Rrrrr! Just then Rachel popped out of a nearby barrel at exactly the right time to say, "Oh my god! What a loser!"

I glared at her as Jack looked back at Will who had a 'What did I do wrong?' innocent sort look on his face. Apparently he didn't hear her. Good!

"Rachel!" I yelled, "What's wrong with you! He tries so hard!" I said looking at Will with love.

"And he fails miserably!" She answered back. I launched myself at her but Jack managed to reach out and grab me by the back of my shirt and stop me mid-jump.

"Why I oughta..!"

" Hold on there, love. We 'ave some business to take care of."

Gillette and the other sailors smirked at him.

"This ship cannot be manned by two men." Gillette said disregarding Rachel and me, "You'll never make it out of the bay."

I thought that perhaps at this point I would throw my dear friend Rachel overboard so that she couldn't hear the line coming up, but I decided to hold off my revenge for a bit.

Jack raised his pistol, "Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?"

Can I just say how amazing it feels to be on top of a ship. Jack, Will, Rachel and I were standing behind one of the sails, holding on to one of the ship's nets. It feels like you're on top of the world! Commodore Norrington and his men were climbing aboard the Dauntless, looking in ever nook and cranny for us. It was then that Jack turned to Rachel and me.

"Time to go, ladies!" We grabbed ahold of the rope and swung off the net. The feeling was incredible, like flying. We swung down over the boat and onto the Interceptor. I heard a cry from the Dauntless.

"Gentlemen, back to the Interceptor! Now!" Norrington yelled, a note of urgency in his voice. By that time we had crossed the water (Rachel had managed to cry out a Tarzan scream mid-air). A sailor swung across to try to reach us but we had already started to move and he missed us entirely. I looked over to the Dauntless to find Norrington screaming, and the one sailor turn the helm only to find the rudder chain was disabled. Hah, suckas!

"Thank you, Commodore for helping us make way! We would 'ave 'ad an awful lot of trouble by ourselves!" Jack cried out as Will began fumbling with the ropes. I ran over to help him and somehow we managed to create a knot that looked like Arnold Shwarzenagger, oh well. Rachel and I sat down on the deck, leaning against the mast!

"So it begins." I said, staring out at the sea.

"Fancy a game of rock-paper-scissors?" She asked.

* * *

I covered her fist with my hand.

"Paper covers rock again!"

"Damnit!" It seemed to me she'd had enough of the game, so I got up to talk to Will. He was examining his sword.

"Will, why is it that out of all the swords you make, you chose this one?" I asked, pointing to the one he carried with him.

"I don't know." He replied, "I guess it just feels right in my hand. My mother always said you could tell when something was right. She said you just get a feeling." I knew exactly what he was talking about. He continued, starting to clean and sharpen his sword.

"When I was a lad living in England, my mother raised me by herself. When she died I came out here looking for my father." He moved his eyes up to Jack in a sly motion.

"Is that so?" Jack mused.

"My father, Bill Turner," Will said getting up and following Jack over to the helm. "In the jail, it was only after you learned my name that you agreed to help. Since that's what I wanted, I didn't argue. I'm not a simpleton, Jack. You knew my father."

Jack paused and turned to Will, "I knew 'im." Jack answered casually, "Probably on of the few who knew him as William Turner. Everyone else just called him Bootstrap, or Bootstrap Bill." Rachel had, at this point taken to standing behind Jack and mouthing all the words as he said them, though Will seemed not to notice.

"Bootstrap?" Will repeated questioningly.

"Good man. Good pirate." Jack said standing at the helm. "I swear ye look just like him."

"Two men looking like that?" I whispered to Rachel, who snickered.

"My father was a merchant sailor, a respectable man who obeyed the law."

"He was a pirate, a bloody scallywag!" Jack countered. Will still standing behind Jack, drew his sword and pointed it at Jack.

"My father was not a pirate!"

"Put it away son. S'not worth you getting beat again."

"You didn't beat me. You disregarded the rules of engagement. In a fair fight I'd kill you!"

"Word straight to yo mama!" I blurted out at Jack.

"Then that's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then is it?" Jack then spun the helm , causing the sail to fly out and push Will out over the ocean, clinging on.

"He sort of resembles a monkey now, doesn't he?" Rachel asked me. I considered this for a bit.

"Monkey-Man McHot." I answered unwaveringly. God I have to stop swooning.

"Now," Jack said addressing Will, "as long as you're just hanging around, there are only two things ye need to know. What man can do, and what a man can't do. Take yeself. You can admit that your father was a pirate and a good man or ye can't. But pirate's in your blood, boy, and ye'll have to square with that some day. And me, I could let ye drown, but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? Although I would 'ave the ladies o' course. But really, they bloody can't work the sails at all."

Rachel and I looked insulted for a moment, then hung our heads.

Jack then spun the helm, bringing Will back onto the deck.

"So," Jack asked Will handing him his sword, "Can ye sail under the command of a pirate, or can ye not?"

Will grasped the sword. "Tortuga?" He said, a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

"Tortuga." Jack answered. Rachel and I looked at each other, wearing smiles that stretched across our faces. This was gonna be fun.


	6. BARFIGHT! and the Shared Bed

Disclaimer: (evil smile) Don't worry this story is going to last for a while, lots more fun. I'll get to the point. Chow down!

* * *

As we entered Tortuga, you could tell it was like New Orleans during Mardi Gras. A town of perpetual fun and parties, only much more so. Vicki and I clung together, not so much that we were afraid but that it was so damn disgusting. People hocked spit in the alleyways, gunshots went off every second and the Rum I'm sure was flowing down from the gutters of every house.

"More importantly it is indeed a sad life that has never breathed deep this sweet, proliferous bouquet tha' is Tortuga, savvy?" Jack exclaimed nicking a cane with a silver handle from a passing man.

"Tis a sad life indeed that would want to." Vicki muttered, wrinkling her nose.

I could see Will's mouth curl into a smothered smile.

"So…wha' do ya think, mate?" Jack asked Will, waving his arms around at the sights, what little there were.

"It'll linger." We all chorused quickly.

"Tha' was odd." Jack murmured tweaking his braids (hehe) "But I'll tell ye mate, if every city in the world were like this, NO man would EVER feel unwanted."

"Wanna bet?" I snorted, turning away from the sight of a strumpet (about THIS close to falling out of her dress) pouring rum down some greasy pig's throat, to find a woman with dark red hair and a pink gown come marching haughtily over to Sparrow.

"Heads up." I said nudging Vicki.

She caught sight of the jilted strumpet too, and whispered to me, "You think by now he'd learn to run for cover, wouldn't you?"

By now Jack had noticed the woman too and with a fond look in his eyes he joyously cried out to her as if she were his sister, "SCARLET!"

Her movements were much too fast for him to stop her. By the time he had realized she had slapped him, she was already walking angrily away.

"Not sure I deserved tha'." He mumbled back to us.

"Maybe you need more convincing." I smirked looking over his shoulder.

"Wha'?" He questioned confused, turning around to find another woman , blond this time and wearing a tacky blue dress in front of him.

His eyes widened lustily as he purred her name, "Giselle."

The woman cocked her head to the strumpet who had just left, "Oo' was she?"

"Wha'?" Jack managed to ask before his face was smacked smartly across the cheek. She left just as fast as the one before her.

"I migh' o' deserved tha'." Jack confided to us.

"Come on," Vicki sighed, "before Jack gets attacked again."

"Aww!" I whined, sarcastically, "but it's so much fun to watch!"

"Fine. We'll head to the pub, he's bound to get knocked around some there." She said taking my arm and pulling me along behind Jack and Will as they made their way to some stables.

"Oh Vicki!" I exclaimed, slapping a hand to my forehead, "We forgot all about Mr. Gibbs!"

"Come on!" She cried pulling me along running after Jack and Will.

We were a little behind them as it was, so by the time we got to them they were both holding large buckets of water. A few feet away lay Mr. Gibbs, curled up amongst the sleeping swine.

"Should we wake him?" Will whispered to Jack.

"Wha' do ye think we're doin' boy?" Jack turned to look at him incredulously. Turning back to look at the peaceful face of the old sailor, he smiled. "I love doin' this."

Even if we had wanted to prevent Jack from throwing that rainstorm of water at poor old Mr. Gibbs, we wouldn't have been fast enough to do so.

Gibbs was awake in a flash, pulling his pocket knife from out of his breeches.

"Curse ye for breathin' ye slack jawed idiot!" Came the loud raging from the old sailor. Looking up, drenched, he blinked his eyes in surprise, "Mother's love! Jack!" He exclaimed, recognizing the man standing before him, "Yeh should know better than ta wake a man when 'e's sleepin'. 'S'bad luck."

"Ahhh," Jack sighed approaching him in his usual drunken state, "fortunately I know 'ow ta counter it." Leaning down into his face he continued in a voice heavy with undertones, "The man 'oo did the wakin' buys the man 'oo was sleepin' a drink. The man 'oo was sleepin' drinks it while listenin' ta a proposition…by the man 'oo did the wakin'." He finished, waving his hands about.

Vicki tried once again to copy his hand motions and failed miserably, "Damnit! I don't see how he freakin' does it!" She whispered to me.

Mr. Gibbs eyes widened in sudden understanding, "Aye. That'll abou' do it!" He agreed. Jack offered his arm to help him up.

As soon as he stood, Will threw the other pail of water at him. Vicki smothered a giggle behind her hand.

"BLAST, I'M ALREADY AWAKE!"

Will looked at him and answered evenly, "That was for the smell."

Gibbs loud protest seemed to shrivel as he felt inclined to agree with young Mr. Turner, shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Aye." He sighed. Walking over to Jack he clasped his arm around his shoulders, "Now, Jack, I 'eard yeh mention somethin' abou' a drink…"

"Too righ' yeh are!" Jack exclaimed using the cane to point the way. "Come on, ladies! The Faithful Bride awaits!" He called back over his shoulder at us.

"I keep cracking up whenever he calls us that!" Vicki whispered to me, chuckling as we followed the men to the pub.

"It looks like a part pub/part whore house…" I mentioned aside to Vicki.

"Wise up, Rachel. It IS."

* * *

The moment we walked in, with no pretense, the first guy we passed in the pub upchucked right at our feet. Leaping back from him Vicki grabbed my arm, "I'm not touching anything in here without a pack of those Clorox wipes…things!"

"Good luck finding one." I said grimly, looking at all the men's in the place's lecherous grins, "Uhg! Can't they at least look good like Jack?" I asked.

The person in front of me turned around to reveal a smug face, "Wha' was tha', love?" Jack asked smirking.

"Uh…I…uh…" I stuttered as Jack's grin widened rather obviously.

Thank god, just that moment a bar wench came over to him, "Wha's yer pleasure?"

Turning around to eye her, he leaned in, "Ow's abou' ye?"

The girl blushed beautifully beneath his gaze.

I felt another one of those annoying pangs of jealousy.

"How about we just leave you to another divide and conquer, Sparrow?" Vicki said taking a hold of my arm, beginning to drag me away to the bar.

Jack waved us away dismissively as he focused all of his seductive charms on the wench.

"Lesson #1 Rachel, try to look cool when you are snubbed." Vicki told me sliding into a stool. "Waiter?" She called to the bar man.

"After this much time you should know I'm not cool. I'm obsessed."

"And you think I'm not!" She exclaimed, "I've got my MAN in the same room as me and all that's stopping me from jumping him here and now…"

"Spare me the details…" I muttered.

"…is my dignity, what little left I have. WAITER, can I get some service?" The guy ignored her.

"So…you just need to get some as well." She continued.

"Easier said than done, dearie." I told her.

"Well maybe so but…HEY! CAN I GET SOME FREAKING SERVICE HERE?" Vicki yelled above the din of noise.

That seemed to get the waiters attention, anyways, "Wha's yer pleasure?"

"Not you." I muttered.

"Uh she means she'd like something to drink." Vicki explained.

"Diet Cherry Coke." I ordered.

"Wha'?"

"Wrong century, Rachel." Vicki said, elbowing me in the ribs.

"Fine. Jeeze. Water then."

"This is a bar, missy." The man growled.

"Oh screw that and just give me a damn water!"

"Ok, I think a drink now would be a bad idea. Let's go find the others." Vicki said pulling me off the chair.

"But I want a damn drink!" I protested.

"Snap out of it! That's just the way Sparrow is!" She cried addressing the real issue here, "A port in every storm and a bottle of rum!"

"I KNOW THAT!" I said exasperated, "What makes you think I care about what he does?"

She put her hands on her hips, "Other than the obvious, you mean?"

It was the strangest thing. One moment she was there and the next, one of those disturbingly disgusting men sitting nearby had her on his lap.

"Wha' do yeh say we go up and 'ave a little fun, girly girl?" He husked at her, "I'll give ye a shillin' if yeh good."

Her face scrunched into a grimace.

"I am NOT a WHORE!" Vicki yelled, struggling to her feet, but his arms around her waist stopped her, "And even if I WERE it would be MORE than a DAMN SHILLING! NOW LET GO OF ME, BUB!"

"I can git yeh more than a shillin'…" the man began.

"Did you not hear her, you sack of scum? She said to get your GODDAMN HANDS OFF HER!" I approached, trying to pry his hands off her, when a pair of arms pulled me back against a foul smelling sailor.

"Quite the pair, eh? Don't yeh think?" A musty voice breathed in my ear.

"Yelch! Get a breath mint, please. For all our sakes." I moaned in disgust.

"LET GO OF ME YOU SONUVABITCH!" Vicki screamed, biting and kicking.

"YO, TURNER…SPARROW!" I yelled, elbowing the guy behind me in the ribs, sending him staggering back for a second.

"Aye?" I heard the familiar call from across the room.

I spun around trying ( I say trying cause I sucked) to punch the same man, "HOW ABOUT YOU GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE AND HELP US?"

By now we had a number of men who were surrounding Vicki and I, separating us from one another.

"Rachel! Rachel! Where are ye, lass?" I heard Sparrow's call again.

"FOLLOW THE SOUND OF BREAKING BONES, YOU MORON!" I shouted back, lashing out as another pair of arms tried to seize me.

Somehow Jack pushed his way past all the brawling guys toward me, "Oi! Yer in popular demand, love! Nice one!" He cried as I took a lucky swing that landed home. The rest of the fight had spread to the rest of the room.

"Where's Will!" I cried as Jack took out a big bulky man.

"He's off 'elpin' Miss Victoria at the moment!"

"Alrighty then!" In the next second I had ripped the cane Jack had been holding, from his hands and was swinging it at anyone who dared approach me. Clearing the space away from around me, I could see Will and Vicki's figures over the many bobbing heads.

Will was standing fierce before her, taking men out with single punches. After about the fifth one, he pulled out his sword, "The next one of you that lays a hand on her, DIES, I swear it!" He proclaimed, waving the sword around threateningly. The men backed off and scurried for different corners of the room.

Wrapping a protective arm around Vicki's shoulders, he led her gently to a table in the back where Mr. Gibbs was already sitting. Looking over her shoulder on the way there she winked at me. I, however, still had the fight on my side of the room to deal with.

"Wha's the cause of all this?" Jack asked as we fought side by side.

"THEY…THINK…WE'RE…BLOODY…WHORES!" I shouted back.

Jack punched another man out, "Really, now?"

I was just about to hit someone else with the cane when someone stopped its dangerous swinging motion. I spun around to find Jack's hand holding it back.

"Sparrow! What do you think you're…" I snarled, but didn't finish the sentence as he pulled the cane hard, bringing me roughly to his side. He wrapped his arm possessively around my waist.

"Sorry, gents!" He said loudly, addressing the men who had now stopped fighting to look at this spectacle, "But this one 'ere is mine an' I paid quite o' fee for 'er. She must of forgotten ta mention it, but I've 'er services for tonight."

My face, I'm sure, was heating to display twelve shades of unnatural red.

"So's if ye don't mind, give us some privacy, eh?" To emphasize his point he slid his hand down to my BUTT and gave it a healthy squeeze!

HOLY HELL AND FREAKIN' SNOWMEN!

The men all laughed appreciatively as if sharing a private joke.

I sputtered angry words and insults that wouldn't come, so I settled for hitting him, but he managed to grab my wrists.

"Now, don't be so impatient, love." He purred, smiling wickedly, "wait til we get ta the room, savvy?"

"YOU…YOU…YOU…!" I sputtered.

"Yes, I know yeh love me, now come on…"

And to my great astonishment all of the men let us go by, continuing the riot amongst themselves.

"YOU…YOU…YOU!"

"Yes, still me, love." He said, guiding me to the table where the others were already gathered.

"HOW DARE YOU…YOU…YOU!"

"I 'ad ta get ye out of there somehows."

"OH! SO IT WAS ALL A BLEEDIN' GAME?"

"…yeh, tha's abou' righ'."

"Then why is your hand still on MY ASS!"

Jack stopped walking and looking down at me he grinned, "Tha's a good question, love." Saying this his hand dropped from my backside and waist as he grabbed two mugs of rum from a passing bar wenches tray. Turning, he kept walking to the table, not even looking behind him to see if I followed (which I did.)

"I think you're getting way too much perverted pleasure from all this…" I growled keeping up with him, still very embarrassed.

He turned giving me a sly half smile, "I never said I wasn't, love."

"You are so close to getting slapped again, mister!" I said following him into the booth, passing Vicki, she raised a brow from her spot next to Will.

"You don't even WANT to KNOW…" I muttered.

Turning back, Jack gave a strict command to Turner, "Keep a sharp eye."

Will nodded. Vicki nodded, her eyes gleaming not in understanding but in taking in Wills features.

Turning back Jack found me already sitting next to Gibbs. "Oi! I never said ye could sit with us!"

"What is this?" I exclaimed, "The Cheerleading table? I'll sit wherever I damn well please!" I said indignantly.

"Fine. Just keep quiet, alrigh'." He sighed sitting down next to me, handing one of the mugs in his hand to Gibbs.

"So…" Gibbs began taking a large gulp of rum, "wha' is the nature of this venture of yourn?"

"I'm goin' after the Pearl."

Gibbs choked on his next sip. Setting his cup down, he stared at Jack incredulously.

"I know where it's goin' ta be…," Jack continued confidently. "an' I'm goin' ta take it."

"Jack," Gibbs whispered, "It's a fool's errand. Why yeh know better than me the tales of the Black Pearl."

Jack cut him off, "Tha's how I know what Barbossa's up to. All I need is a crew."

"From what I hear tell o' Barbossa 'e's not a man ta suffer any fools, nor strike a bargain with one!"

Jack did that uncanny sway of his head like a snake, "Well then I'd say it's a very good thing I'm not a fool, eh?"

I snorted.

"Hush, yeh!" He warned me.

"The lass it righ'…" Gibbs defended.

"See? I'm right!"

"The lass is crazy, doesn't know wha' she's sayin', the wench thinks she's from the future for christ's sakes…" Jack countered.

Gibbs looked at me as if I were a bomb about to implode all the rum from here to the moon. "Aye well, maybe she's not all tagether there but Jack, wha's yer excuse? Yer just as mad in yer own righ's!" He exclaimed adamantly, "Come on man, prove me wrong, wha' makes yeh think Barbossa'll give up 'is ship ta yeh?"

"Let's jus' say……" Jack murmured, inclining his head forward in the pretenses of uttermost secrecy, "it's a matter of leverage."

"Huh?" Gibbs asked confused as to this meaning.

Jack moved his eyes toward Will's figure.

Gibbs still wasn't getting it; the man was undoubtedly thick about some things.

Now Jack's subtle hints were becoming none too subtle as he shook his head frantically at Will, who at the moment was being accosted by a fairly large strumpet.

"LISTEN UP!" I heard Vicki exclaim, "HE'S NOT INTO YOU, YA GOT IT YA STUPID WHORE!"

I shook my head, looking back at the stirring conversation at hand.

"The kid?" Gibbs ventured his eyes finally settling on the Turner.

"Tha' is the child of Bootstrap Bill Turner." Jack confided smugly. Gibb's eyes widened considerably, "His only child…savvy?" Jack queried devilishly.

"THAT'S RIGHT, GO OFF WITH THE OLD MAN, YOU DAMN GOLDDIGGER!"

I shook my head sadly. Can we say Possessive with a capitol P, Vicki.

"Leverage says ye," Gibbs murmured smirking, "I think I feel a change in the wind says I."

I was quoting right along with him again. Turning to stare at me, he caught me in the middle of the last line. Shutting my mouth, I smiled widely in return.

"'Ow does she DO tha'?" Gibbs asked frankly of Jack.

"Yeh know, I 'ave no bleedin' idea, tis scary though, tain't it?"

"Aye, no doubt…" Gibbs shifted slightly away from me, he coughed then continuing with what he had been saying, "I'll find us a crew," he claimed, "there's bound ta be some sailors on this rock as crazy as ye…and the girl." He added jabbing his thumb in my direction.

I smiled proudly.

"One can only 'ope." Jack murmured his assent, raising his glass, "Take wha' yeh can…"

"Give nothin' back!" Gibbs finished heartily, as they slammed their mugs together, downed the last gulps of sweet Rum and slammed them back on the table.

"All for one and one for all!" I exclaimed.

Gibbs inched further away from me, and Jack just furrowed his brows together as if not seeing, or hearing me properly.

"Ok, how about…HUZZAH…HUZZAH…HU…zzah?"

Chirp, chirp, chirp.

"Ok then, I'll stop now."

Jack left eye narrowed suspiciously.

"Jeeze, tough crowd."

"Well then!" Jack exclaimed after a time, slapping his hand on the table, "We should all find ourselves a room for the nigh', an' turn in!"

"I'll start on findin' some sailors in this 'ere port. Migh' take me a bit o' time ta be 'onest." Gibbs said, standing to his feet, "But men lately be getting bored, need a bit o' excitement if yeh asks me. I'll 'ave them assembled at the docks for yer inspection tomorrow morn."

"Good man." Jack commended clasping his arm firmly in thanks, as Gibbs departed. Turning back to me Jack said, "I'm off ta see if I can get us a room. Keep an eye on those two." I followed his gaze to Vicki and Will, "Let me know if they be doin' anything…..entertainin'."

"Aye, aye, sir!"

"Yer a funny bird…" he muttered walking away, "make no mistake."

I smirked and made my way over to Vicki.

"What have you two been up to?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest, trying to look authorative.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," Vicki claimed mischievously.

"Uh huh…well just keep it PG ok, kids. Remember, it's still a DISNEY movie."

"Where did Jack go?" Will questioned.

"Something like trying to find a room for us to stay in, or something, wasn't really paying attention to him." I said trying to play it off.

"Yeah, I'll bet." Vicki scoffed disbelievingly.

"Speak of the devil," Will said as Jack forced his way through the crowd to us.

"Alrigh', so's 'ere it is. I got us a room but there's only one bed…"

Will looked scandalized at the dishonor of sharing a room, Vicki and I were both somewhat nervous and Jack looked as if he couldn't be more comfortable with the idea, "but no need ta fret, s'not like we'll all be sharin' a bed!" He laughed. He paused, "Actually, s'not such a bad idea…" he began stroking his facial hair (hehe).

"Oh yes it is!" Vicki proclaimed.

I was actually running the idea through my head.

"Fine, fine. Two of us will take the floor o' chairs, savvy?"

"Do you have the key?" I asked.

"Aye, I 'ave 'em righ' 'ere. Room number three." He said pulling the key out in front of us.

I snatched them from his hand, "Shotgun! First two people to reach the room gets to sleep in the bed!" And the next second I was off!

"SEABISCUIT, AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' ON ME!" I whooped as I raced past the many people and down the hall and up the stairs coming to stop suddenly in front of #3.

Unlocking the door, I bounded in, laughing out of breath. Vicki ran in a second later clutching her chest as if her heart would burst, "Quick! Lock the door! Lock the door!" I did as she commanded. We then put both of our backs to it.

"How (gasp) did you (laughter) beat Sparrow up here?" I asked

She couldn't catch her breath she was laughing so hard. "He…(wild laughter)…tripped! (Insane giggles) On what, I STILL don't know! But he went down like a drunken well, Sparrow, so I jumped over him and …(more breathless laughter) …and HA HA OH MY GOD IT WAS SO FUNNY!…and a split second later he called out, 'BLOODY HELL, TURNER!' And you know what?"

"Come on and tell me, already!" I exclaimed.

"Will had tripped over Jack! OH MY GAWD! HIL-FREAKIN-LARIOUS! Of course I turned around and pointed and laughed my ass off but then they began to get up and I high-tailed it up here."

We were basically sinking to our knees, shaking with laughter, I mean close enough to lose consciousness.

"Wait…wait…!" I was having a seizure of hilariousity, "but …they must have gotten here already then…."

"Indeed I have." Came the reply from outside the door.

Vicki and I screamed in surprise.

"Will?" Vicki asked.

"None other than. Now, Miss Fraser, I have been standing out here for a while now, may I please come in?"

"Where's Sparrow?" I asked suspiciously.

"Still in the hallway, I'd imagine, no doubt nursing his wounds. Now please let me in, there are some women out here looking at me rather oddly and making lewd gestures."

"WHAT!" Vicki cried, "Get in HERE before they drug and drag you into their rooms!"

"No, Vicki, DON'T!" I cried, as she began to open the door,. "IT MIGHT BE A TRAP!"

But the door was now open and instead of Will Turner stood Captain Jack Sparrow.

"'Ello, poppets."

"Where's Will?" Vicki exclaimed.

"Right here, Miss Fraser." Came the deep smooth reply as Will stepped out from behind Jack. "Forgive me the deception, but we were getting tired of standing out here."

Vicki sighed, stepping away from the door to let him in, "I forgive you." Will smiled charmingly at her as he entered.

I was still standing stock still as I looked at Sparrow.

"Did ye think tha' was funny, lass?" He asked low.

"Yeah, pretty damn funny!" I chuckled, imagining the sight.

His expression I couldn't read as he entered, shutting the door softly behind him and then began to advance with menacing calm, "Still funny, love?"

"Uh…"

"Well? Want ta 'ave anotha good laugh, love?"

"Uh…Vicki…help…(gulp) me…"

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Vicki said stepping forward, "That's enough, you! If you wanna have a go, I suggest you get another room cause I'm not gonna put up with it tonight!"

Jack turned around to eye her.

"Thank you!" I mouthed silently behind him, then aloud, "Thank god, there are no other rooms!" I stepped around Sparrow.

"So it seems that there is only one bed and one chair and since Vicki and I got here first that mean we get the bed. SUCKAS! So we'll just watch you fight over who gets the chair."

"That should be interesting." Vicki murmured as we got in. The bed wasn't really very comfortable, kinda smelled, I think it was stuffed with horse hair. But if anything it was (somewhat) clean.

It took a while before Will and Jack decided on who would get what area to sleep. After extensive hair pulling and name calling, and nothing short of another duel, they finally agreed that Will would take the chair and Jack would get the floor (since it seemed Jack could sleep anywhere.)

A few minutes later, Vicki blew out the candle by the bedside and as we settled into the darkness we tried to sleep. I say TRIED. It seemed our neighbors were still awake, for some very odd noises were coming through the wafer like thin walls.

"Rachel…?" Vicki whispered.

"I hear it." I confirmed, feeling a blush creep up my neck.

"What on earth…?" I heard the quiet whisper from Will.

"Ahhhh…" Sparrow sighed, "The sounds of bein' home."

"EWWW!" Vicki shrieked in a whisper, "Virgin ears searing over here! Kindly keep comments like those in your head!"

"Yer virgins?" Came the peaked interest in his voice.

"Way ta go, Vicki, just put our virginity at stake why don't ya?" I whispered to her.

"Sorry. AND WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP!" She yelled at the wall from which the sounds were coming.

"If I'm not mistaken, there's more than just two in there…" Jack commented pleasantly.

"NOT LISTENING! NOT LISTENING!" I yelled taking a pillow and slamming it over my head, which did barely anything.

"That is hardly proper conversation for a gentleman, Jack." Will snapped irritated, but I caught the slight embarrassment in his voice as well.

"I'm a soddin' PIRATE, mate."

Somewhere between Jack talking about the good times he'd had in this port and Vicki threatening to castrate him if he uttered another syllable, I fell asleep.

* * *

I awoke perhaps two hours later, to find that the nightly activities in the room next to us, were still going strong.

Enough being enough, I pounded on the wall and yelled my last words of the night, "WILL YOU JUST GIVE IT A REST! MY GOD, DON'T YOU NEED TO SLEEP! BECAUSE , LET ME TELL YOU, WE DO! AND IT HAS BEEN VERY HARD TO DO THAT WITH YOU GUYS SCREWING IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR! SO, JUST PACK IT UP FOR THE NIGHT AND GIVE US SOME GODDAMN PEACE AND QUIET! THANK YOU, ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Silence followed my outburst.

"Did you say something?" Vicki murmured groggily.

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go back to sleep."

As I snuggled back down beneath the covers, I heard a deep, rumbling laughter fill the room and then Will said calmly, "Jack, stop laughing like an idiot and go to sleep."

The laughter barked and grew in deep volume, pleasantly running down my back.

I fell asleep.


	7. FERMENTATION!

Disclaimer: Same old, same old, you know all this by now right? Of course you do, so there's no need for me to say it again, right, right? Of course. So……….I call Odysseus in Troy, even though he's already married. Hey I was thinking of doing a joint Troy fanfic, Vicki's not so sure though yet. I mean if this is how much we could screw up the Pirates, what would happen if we corrupted the Trojan war? It's an interesting thought, don't ya think? Of course you do. Now enough with that, and bon appetite.

* * *

"The docks in five, ladies." Will reminded us that morning.

"It's a good thing tha' we're leavin' today, seein' as ye got us bloody kicked out in the streets, because of yer feud with the neighbors." Jack muttered as he too left for the docks.

"Ya think he's still mad at me." I asked Vicki.

"Is the pope a catholic?"

"Sometimes I wonder."

We laughed as we walked through the street to the docks.

"God, I need a brush." I muttered fingering a plait of my hair with distaste.

"Well unless you have some money from the 18th century, I think you'll just have to make do with using your fingers."

"We'll see about that." I approached a vender, selling beautiful brushes.

"Can I interest you in a …?"

"No. They look like crap." I said loftily, "Why I bet I couldn't even get it through my hair!"

"Yeh could too!" The man proclaimed, as I winked a Vicki, "Try one!'

"Only if I must then." I said taking up the brush, in a few short seconds my hair was soft again. "Well, what do ya know?" I cried, pretending to be shocked, "It actually worked! I must tell my friend." And I turned and walked away.

"You were saying?" I prompted Vicki, as she trudged beside me.

"That was low, Rachel." Vicki admonished.

"Hey, a pirate's life for me………" I hummed.

* * *

"Feast yer eyes Captain," Gibbs said heartily as we walked down the line of sailors set out for our inspection, "All o' them faithful hands before the mast. Every man worth 'is salt." He, he, there was the little dwarf.

"Jack owes us a sheeeeeeep." Vicki whispered. We went into another one of our laughing fits.

"They're crazy ta boot." Gibbs said proudly to the side.

"But then aren't we all!" I crowed.

"I'm starting to wonder…" Will muttered, trying not to smile. Then turning to Jack turned sober, "So this…" His gaze wary and doubtful, "is your able bodied crew?"

Jack was still studying the men and he came to stop at a man with a parrot on his shoulder. COTTON! Man I loved that crazy parrot talking old fool.

"Yeh, sailor!" Jack barked.

"Cotton, sir." Gibbs offered.

"Mr. Cotton, do ye 'ave the courage an' the fortitude ta follow orders an' stay true in the face o' danger an' almost certain death?"

I had lost my breath, trying to say it all as fast as he did. I felt bad when I couldn't do it, but then I remembered neither could Johnny Depp the first three times. I felt better.

The sailor, meanwhile, sent a timid look to Gibbs under Sparrow's sharp scrutiny.

"Mr. Cotton, answer man!" Jack ordered.

"He's a mute, sir. Poor devil 'ad 'is tongue cut out, " Mr. Gibbs explained. Mr. Cotton was pleasant enough to show us his tongue that was no longer there. Will did that weird look with his eyes, and Jack stuck out his own tongue in disgust.

Mr. Gibbs continued, 'So 'ee trained the parrot to speak for 'im. No one ever did, figure out how."

Jack made as if to walk away but turned back at the last second somewhat uncomfortably, "Mr. Cotton's…" he hesitated saying the word, "…parrot, same question."

"Arrk! Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!" It squawked in response.

"Mostly we figure tha' means 'yes'," Mr. Gibbs said cheerfully.

"O' course it does…" Jack replied unsure. He turned to Will, "Satisfied?"

"Well you've proved they're mad." Will shot back.

"Polly want a cracker?" Vicki asked, holding out a wafer bread, the parrot took it gratefully.

"An' wha's the benefit fo' us!" Came the sharp outburst from down the line.

'Come on! I don't want to miss this!" I cried, pulling Vicki along after Will and Jack as they went to see who had spoken.

"But I wanna feed the birdie!" She protested, "Oh, wait, he's getting' slapped again, isn't he?" She asked, finally sprinting down with me.

Jack was approaching the figure from which the retort had sounded, warily, almost wincing in his guess of which jilted lover it might be this time. He finally removed the person's hat from their head, letting a mane of black hair cascade around a womanly and proud, and needless to say pissed off face.

"Anamaria." Jack said fondly.

SMACK!

"Ooooooooooh!" Vicki hissed, cringing.

"I suppose you didn't deserve that either?" Will asked.

"No, actually tha' one I deserved."

Anamaria nodded her head, furiously in agreement. "You stole my BOAT!"

"Actually…"

UBER-SMACK!

"Jesus, Jack. Why don't you try ducking one of these times?" I asked.

"Because I like it." He growled sarcastically. He returned to facing the fuming female before him, "Borrowed…borrowed without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back."

"But yeh DIDN'T!" She shouted exasperated.

"Ye'll…get another one!" He promised her gaily.

"I will!" She said pointing a finger at him threateningly.

"A better one." Will piped up.

"A BETTA one!" Jack agreed.

"That one." Will added in, pointing to the Interceptor anchored nearby.

"Wha' one?" Jack asked, then caught sight of what boat he was speaking of. "Tha' one!"

Will nodded. Jack turned to us for confirmation.

"Aye." We nodded along with Will.

Turning back to Anamaria he answered as we had, 'Aye…tha' one." He said smiling through gritted teeth, "Wha' say ye?"

It looked as if she pondered this bargain for about as long as a second before she agreed.

"Aye!" She cried along with the rest of the crew.

As they all went to board the ship, Anamaria paused long enough to snatch her hat out of Jack hands making him flinch.

"No, sir, it's frightful bad luck to bring a woman on board, sir."

"Uh? HEEELLLLOOOO!" I exclaimed insulted.

"What do you think we are? Sea cucumbers!" Vicki asked.

"Besides," Jack said, "it would be far worse not ta 'ave 'er."

"Very well, but wha' about these lasses?" Gibbs asked, shooting a glance at us, "Bad luck travels in three's, even more so in feminine form."

"They're comin'." Jack shortly.

"But, sir…"

"I gave 'em me word tha' they could come."

"'Ow did ye get dragged inta a damned promise like tha'?" Gibbs asked, horrified.

"Ye know…I'm not quite sure." Jack replied.

"I know how." Vicki said slyly.

"We happen to be VERY persuasive." I said simply stepping up beside Sparrow.

"Aye, I thought tha' was the reason." Jack murmured.

"That and the fact that it would be really boring without us." Vicki added.

"I'm quite sure…" Will chuckled.

"I disagree there…" Jack muttered, making his way to the ship.

"Well too bad!" I shouted after him, "You're stuck with us! MUHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA(maniacal laughter)"

"Dude," Vicki said placing a hand on my shoulder, "you seriously need to chill."

"Maybe we can throw 'em overboard after a time…" I heard Jack mutter.

* * *

The winds were blowing harshly and howling in their horrible gales. Thunder deafened the night as the lightning struck dangerously close to the ship. Waves washed aboard, pulling at the bodies of everyone on the thrashing ship.

"I'm singing in the rain…just singing in the rain…what a GLORIOUS FEELING, I'm happy again…!" I sang happily as I trounced about the deck of the ship, kicking up the puddles of water like Gene Kelly. "I'm singing in the rain…I'm WHOAH!"

A huge wave knocked me off my feet. "(cough, cough, hack, hack) HA HA MAN, THIS IS GREAT!"

Will and Gibbs were scrambling to keep the ropes of the sails tightened through the storm.

"How can we sail through a storm to an island that no one can FIND," Will yelled into the wind, "with a compass that DOESN'T work!"

"The compass doesn't point north," Gibbs agreed, yelling back, "but we're not tryin' ta find north, are we!"

Another wave came.

"OH SHIT, WATER UP MY NOSE!" I cursed, "CRAP, CRAP! IT BURNS!"

Once he was sure the riggings were secure as they could possibly be, Gibbs made his way up to the helm to Jack. I followed, holding my nose tightly between my thumb and forefinger.

"We should drop canvas, sir!" Gibbs yelled to Jack, who despite the ongoing storm, was standing straight backed, spinning the wheel first this way then that. I blinked stupidly against the rain, as I stared at him in awe. I mean I was in shock. A WET JACK SPARROW! GOING CRAZY HERE!

"She can 'old a bit longer!" He yelled back to Gibbs.

"Wha's in yer 'ead, tha's put yeh in such a fine mood!"

The lightning flashed again, showing the jubilant and triumphant wild grin on Sparrow's face, "We're catchin' up!"

The scream I gave out could've been due to the fact that that line always made me feel like squealing hysterically, or because the ship dipped at that exact moment and sent me sliding across the wood of the boat.

"HA HA THIS IS JUST LIKE A WATER ROLLER COASTER! WITH SPLINTERS! OW OW OW!" I gulped back a queasy feeling in my stomach, "ACTUALLY , VERY MUCH LIKE A ROLLER COASTER…ugh not feeling too good….whoo." I groaned weakly, getting to my feet, holding on to the ropes to help me move a step at a time.

"Time to go see what's going on with Vicki below deck."

* * *

As soon as I entered the galley, something that looked like food, hit the wall right beside my face.

"WHOA! Watch it! Unidentified Flying Objects!" I yelped jumping out of the line of fire.

"It's dinner." Vicki said shortly.

"Sure as hell ain't MY dinner." I said skeptically, moving toward her.

"Look, it's not my fault that we're on a spastic ship during a storm!" She argued back.

"What's that got to do with anything?" I asked.

"How do you think the food got on the ceiling?" She snapped.

"What do you mean food on…the…" I looked up, "Ohhh…is it just me or does that green splatter look like the Eiffel Tower?"

Vicki shook her head, "I see a birthday hat."

"Ah, yes I see it now…"

"Come on," she said handing me a bowl and a spoon, "Start scraping it off the wall and we'll just serve it to them."

"No way, we're not going to poison them like that!"

"Fine. I'll start from scratch while YOU clean up."

An hour later, Vicki had succeeded in making dinner. What dinner it was I could not possibly say because it was a mix between everything.

"Do you think they'll like it?" She asked, nervously setting the table.

"They're guys…I doubt guys change over the course of a few centuries. Men will eat ANYthing." I muttered, putting out the silverware.

"Too true. What are you doing? They're not going to use those, they're pirates."

I smirked picking them back up again, "I was forgetting."

At that moment the whole crew burst in the galley doors, rowdy, loud and completely out of control. I shook my head, "Although I don't see how I could've."

"FOOD!" Sparrow crowed entering. Everyone entered hastily, pushing others to get a seat. The only person who entered calmly was Will.

Vicki stopped short holding the bowl of mushed mush, almost dropping it, as she caught sight of him. Her mouth opened but no sound came out as her eyes bulged.

I looked at him and understood her dilemma.

"Oh shit." I muttered.

Will was drenched to the SKIN, his clothes sticking to his every chiseled feature.

"Is he…? Oh. My. God…Rachel is he…?"

"Finish your sentence, Vicki." I prompted her.

"WET…HOT…AAAANNNNNNNNDDDD…WWWWWWWWWWETTTTTTTTTTTTTT…"

"Ok…" I said pulling her back to the privacy of the kitchen.

"OhmygodohmygodohmigodomiGAWD…" Vicki murmured, clutching the bowl to her chest, "Did you…? Did you SEE him…!"

"Yes, I saw…"

"Rachel. Omigod, Rachel, I can't go out and serve them…when he's…when he's out THERE…looking THAT beautiful…"

"Beautiful?" A deep accented sweet voice asked, turning we saw it was Will…still wet. He smiled, "You wouldn't be talking about me?"

Vicki yelped in surprise and the bowl fell from her hands in shock. Displaying a great speed of reflexes, Will caught it before it hit the floor…or spilled. Even I had to admit, the guy had smooth skills.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He said worriedly, handing her back the bowl, "Are you all right?"

"She is now." I muttered beneath my breath.

"You don't look it," Will continued, concerned, "Here. Let me help you……." He said taking the bowl back from her to help bring out the food.

"Well," I coughed, "I'll get the rum or whatever and then the party can really start." As I headed out, I turned back and made kissy faces at her, from behind Will's back.

Honestly, I don't think she even noticed.

* * *

"RACHEL!"

"What!"

"Hurry it up with that rum, they're starting to get a little crazed in here!" Vicki shouted out. Following her cry there was the sound of shattering glass and insane laughter, "Scratch that out! I think they've been crazed for about the past half hour!" She yelled again, "Get your rear in gear and help out some!"

"YOU try moving around in a dark cellar place in a rocking ship!" I shouted back, then muttered to myself, "Leave it to Norrington to have used this ship to catch rum runners. How Sparrow knew there were barrels of the stuff down here is beyond me." Hearing a squeak to my left I cried up at her louder this time, " I'd just like to add that something squeaky and hairy keeps running over my shoe and I don't think it's something PLEASANT! So tell Sparrow to hold his goddamn horses!"

"'Aven't got any horses." Came the rumble near me.

"HOLY CRAP, SPARROW! DO NOT SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT! GOD!"

"Ye 'aven't found the bloody rum yet, so's I figured yeh needed a hand."

"Already have two." I reminded him.

"Well, yeh obviously need more…"

"I do noOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED ME! KILL IT! KILL IT!"

"Fer cryin' out loud, lass. Just calm yerself…it was just me!"

"Oh. Don't DOOOOOO that! I'm gonna have a coronary at the young age of eighteen…and just what was your hand DOING on my neck, anyway?"

I heard the sound of someone rummaging through the crates, and the clink of glasses or large jugs, "Wha' was tha', love?" Came the muffled response.

"Forget it." I muttered back.

"Ah, 'ere it is!" Jack cried, "Finest Rum in the Spanish Main!"

"How can you tell what kind it is if there isn't enough light to see the lable, might I ask?" I stumbled toward the sound of his voice.

"Cause it tastes like it…" Came the slurred reply.

"Do you mean to tell me you've been moving around from crate to crate based on TASTE?"

"Ow else would I go abou' doin' it, love?"

"You know that's how you get poisoned, right?"

"Hmmmmnnnn…" I heard him take a glug right there.

"That's disgusting." I wrinkled my nose.

"It's delicious."

I pulled another face, sticking out my tongue.

"Come on, love. The others are waitin' an' ye 'aven't eaten all day if I'm not mistaken. We can't 'ave yeh wastin' away, not a woman with yer figure…" His hand grabbed my wrist pulling me through the maze of crates back up to the lighted galley.

Vicki and Will were serving the food as we entered. Seeing Jack with me in tow, she smirked widely. I glared back, 'Oh very funny don't tell me Jack followed me down in the dark, why don't ya?'

"Why don't you just set that down," I asked Will taking a seat, "and let them attack it?"

"Alright," Vicki replied, "but I don't think we'd get any then."

I nodded my head in agreement as they continued moving around the table, handing out portions of the dinner. When they were done, they sat and before anyone could reach for a lick of food, Vicki's voice called out, "WAIT!"

Everyone stopped dead, some dropped things that were already in their hands.

"We have to say grace." She reminded them.

It seemed the men, nor Anamaria understood what this meant.

"Miss Fraser is quite right," Will spoke up. "Let us pray."

"But lad…" Jack began testily.

"THE MAN SAID PRAY!" Vicki threatened.

I do believe Jack gulped at this, "Aye then, lass." And clasping his hands together loosely he began, "Dear lord, let the bounty be bounteous…"

"That's not even a word…" I complained.

"Hush, I'm prayin', love…" Jack continued, "…let the food not spoil or grow some weird sort o' mold…"

Vicki and I shared a glance, nearly sputtering with giggles.

"…an' let the Rum forever flow! Amen!"

"Aye! Amen!" The crew shouted.

"Alrigh', enough o' this, dig in yeh scabberous dogs and let's eat!"

They didn't need telling twice as it was a race to the food and how fast they could eat it. I was afraid to eat whatever it was that Vicki had made so I reached for a green apple in the center of the table and hoped it wasn't mealy.

Now I have never been a big fan of the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti dinner thing but hell THAT is what happened just then. My hand was reaching for the apple and wouldn't you know it, Jack had a hankerin' for a granny smith as well. My hand was on his before I realized what was happening. Forgetting the apple for the time being, he caught my hand in his, with a look that fairly seemed to say, 'Gotcha!' I twisted it out of his grasp and swiftly grabbed the apple for myself. Looking at me, Jack smiled knowingly, picked up another apple and bit in. I looked at the apple in my hands in my lap for the rest of the meal.

* * *

Did I say the rest of the meal? Well then I wasn't being quite truthful then. I would have done so for the rest of the meal if it hadn't been for the drinking games. The main game was to see who could drink the most quantities of Rum. Guess who won? For those that didn't want to spend the next morning barfing their brains out, namely me, there was cider to be had.

Vicki had a wild time with her cider and every few minutes would burp quite loudly. If a bomb was loud.

"Now, ye be burpin' quite o' lot now there, lass." Mr. Gibbs exclaimed.

"Ya wanna know how I do it?" She asked him.

"Aye!" He said leaning forward to her. She got right up to his ear and belched the word, "Bitch."

I winced, I had been on the receiving end of one of those before and pitied Gibbs.

Gibbs jerked back, "Oi, I think the wee lass may 'ave deafened me!"

"I many be small but I pack the big artillery!" She cooed, happily.

Will snorted into his mug, and actually spewed half the table, "Miss Fraser…(laughter) I'm not entirely sure…(more laughter) if that was ladylike."

"Ladylike…schmadylike!" She cried, "Someone hit me!"

So I hit her.

"No, stupid! I meant 'hit me!' as in hit me up another thing of cider! Damn good stuff!"

"Miss Fraser," Will said chuckling, taking her glass from her, "I do believe you've had quite enough for the evening…"

"Not bloody likely." I snorted taking another long gulp of the cider.

"I 'appen ta like a gel tha' can 'old 'er own liquor." Jack admitted, slurring hotly into my ear, draping his arm over my shoulder.

I giggled stupidly, "What are YOU talking about? I haven't had a drop to drink all night."

"'Cept for the cider, am I righ' love?"

"Of course, an' the last time I checked, apple cider was a non alcoholic drink."

"Ah, yes well the truth o' the matter, lass" Jack continued smugly, "is tha' that particular cider is at least a year old an' 'as been down there for quite o' lot of time, an' by now it's no doubt…"

"Fermented." I finished dumbly for him. I looked down at the second mug I had been about to drain. "Oh my god, you are such a BUTT! Why didn't you tell us!" I cried, throwing his arms off me.

"Wha' can I say? I was bein' amused by yer antics…an' ta think I migh' o' missed it all, just cause yer all pious an' whatnot abou' wha' ye put inta ye."

Whoah, that was a BIG double ended phrase.

"An' besides, we couldn't 'ave gotten ye ta let loose if ye were sober…"

Vicki was giggling at the other end of the table with Will, "Vicki, how many have you have!" I called desperately.

"I've only had two!" She cried holding up five fingers.

"Holyhotshitdamn!" I cursed, "I have to stop her before she DOES something!"

Jack striking viper fast wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer, murmuring in my ear, "Let the lass and the eunuch 'ave their own bit o' fun and we'll 'ave some o' our own, savvy?"

His eyes actually had me pinned in place, I couldn't seem to make my tongue move, or my body for that matter. It couldn't hurt could it? I mean what could possibly happen? It was just Jack, right? I snapped out of it almost immediately, just Jack my ass, I mean this was Jack SPARROW, we were talking about here!

"Oh what am I thinking!" I growled out loud, "You're…well you! And I have to stop HER…" Jack's grip on me tightened, whoo lost my breath along with my train of thought…No. NO! You are a strong independent woman! Throw your hands up at me! Stay strong girl, " before she does something…not right…"

When he spoke again it was as if smoke were curling in my brain, "The lass can take care of 'erself….an' I can take care of ye…"

"…or before I do something REALLY NOT right!" I blushed finally breaking the spell, and struggling out of Jack's hold.

"Will! Get her to our cabin! The cider's turned!'

"What!" He asked alarmed looking at Vicki who was lying half way across him. "How?"

"Take a wild guess!" I said glaring at Sparrow, who raised his arms in a helpless gesture, "Come on, before we both pass out."

And following them out the door we made our way to our cabin.

"If I get a hangover tomorrow, I'm putting a crab in Jack bed." I grumbled.


	8. AYE, SEATURTLES!

Disclaimer: Ello my lovelies! Beauty of a day idn't? My apologies for the wait to end all waits, but in since we last spoke (well, sorta), I've lost my obsession with Orlando. It's sad, isn't it? Which means that I was a little less than enthusiastic about Will Turner (though I still love Orlando, it's just not OB 24/7 anymore). Anyways, you can now read my new fan fic about my new obsession…LOST! THE BEST SHOW IN THE WORLD! Which happens to star the man who took Orlando's job as Lord of my Life…Dominic Monaghan. I LOVE MY CHARLIE!Whew, sorry guys. That was just begging to be said. I mean not only was it begging but it offered me several things if I said it…. Like a mustang convertible, a churro maker, Dom Monaghan…. Still waiting on that last one. But if you see a girl driving a black mustang and eating churros, THAT'D BE ME! OK wow, I'm really hyper. OK so disclaimer… we own shit! HA! So there ya go! Disney has the rights to all that rot and would probably be blushing red at all the things we do to it. Anyways, this is my chapter…. ENJOY!

Chap. 8

OK, this was seriously creeping me out! The skeletons of the old ships stuck out of the depths, their sharp edges threatening us. Woah, hold up, this isn't that type of story! I gotta change the mood!

"_Hey ho, to the pub I go, to fill my heart and to drown my woe! The rain may fall the wind may blow, but there'll still be… many miles to go! Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain and the stream that flows from hill to plain! Better than rain or rippling brook…_" Rachel and I sang as we pranced about the ship. I added the finishing line.

"_Is a mug of beer and save this Took_!" Then we laughed like laughing… er…things and fell down.

"Miss Fraser, why are you singing a song about beer? It was a lovely song up until that point, but…"

"Oh calm down Will.' Rachel interrupted. "It's just a hobbit drinking song!"

"What's a hobbit?" Will asked in earnest. Poor dear. My little Not-Knowing-what-hobbits-are-McHott!

"Hmm," I sighed, "Legolas would know. But then again, he is perfect."

"And who is this Legolas that knows what they are?" I stumbled on my words a bit, not knowing how to answer.

"Um… he's my ex-boyfriend." I lied, although the grin was true.

"Someone is lying," Rachel said, then turned to me, "I can feel it!"

"Oh shut it you! We broke up because he was too far away. Like a whole other world or something. I'm not a fan of long distance relationships. He was gorgeous though. In fact, Will, he looks a bit like you!" I said, staring at him through his eyes, "I guess it's because you're both Orlando."

"Orlando? Who or what is that?" Will asked us. Rachel and I looked at each other and then burst out in laughter.

"It's…um…slang…for someone who's British." Rachel lied through her teeth. Will and Jack both looked stunned at our outrageous behavior, though Jack looked a bit like he wanted to join us.

"I want me banana!" He cried. I looked down at my feet.

"Um…about that, Jack. I sort of…um…ate it." Jack's jaw dropped.

"Ye ate my banana! How could yeh? It wasn't even ripe yet!"

"I know, Jack, but it looked so good and I was EXTREMELY hungry!"

"But it wasn't yers! Ye stole it from me!" I glanced at Rachel for a moment.

"Welcome to the Caribbean, love." I answered, putting on my best Jack impression. Will immediately doubled over in laughter. Jack lifted one eyebrow and stared at me as if I were some kind of specimen to be studied. Well, let me tell you, I ain't nobody's whore! Wait, wrong timing. So anyways Jack then lunged forward only to be caught by his dreadlocks. I knew those things would come in handy!

"Jack!" Will said, struggling to keep him away from me, "It's…just…a…banana…! It's…not…important…enough…to…harm…Miss…Fraser…! Please…Jack!" I grinned inside at his begging Jack not to harm me. Ah, so dashing! Jack shrugged Will off and then went off to gaze at his compass.

"I really think he's just pretending to read it so we'll think he's crazy!" Rachel said as she studied Jack at the helm.

"It's possible, pig." I answered back. We then began a slapping fight. Ah, the wonders of getting sucked into a movie. Will walked over to Mr. Gibbs.

"How is it Jack came by that compass?" He asked.

"Not a lot's known 'bout Jack Sparrow afore he showed up in Tortuga with a mind to go after the treasure of Cortez. That was before I met 'im, back when he was Captain of the Black Pearl." Will spun around.

"He failed to mention that." Mr. Gibbs choked a bit while taking a sip from his flask. Rachel and I were sitting on the rope net thingy that leads up to the Crow's Nest, or ya know, whatever it's called.

"Jack plays things closer to the vest now and it's a hard lesson he learned. Ye see, three days out on the venture the first mate comes to 'im and says it's all an equal share, that should mean the location of the treasure as well. So Jack gives up the bearing." Gibbs explained.

"Woap! Bad idea!" Rachel called out from her sitting spot. Apparently she said it with a bit too much emotion as she toppled off the net.

"Ah ha! Sucka!" I called out. Just then, a stray seagull came hurtling towards me.

"Vicki, look out!" Rachel cried. Will called my name to get my attention and threw me his sword, which I caught (hell yeah I rock!) I spun around on the net just in time to skewer the seagull.

"Wow…" Will said, "Nice work." He had a look on his face that was a mix between utter disgust and amazement. Actually, it was a good look for him.

"Thanks!" I said a bit blown away by what I'd just done. The seagull uttered a final 'caw' and then was gone.

"I think we should bury it!" Rachel declared.

"In what? Let's just throw it overboard."

"No!" Mr. Gibbs cried, "That's a terrible waste o' bird. The Fraser girl could roast it up fer us tonight!"

"Unless you want bird mush, I'd say perhaps that's not the best idea." Rachel stated, smirking at me.

"First of all," I started, turning to Rachel, "You suck, and second, eww! I'm not eating SEAGULL! I'd rather eat the crap we normally have!"

"Well, fine! But I think ye're missin' out on a fine meal. I, meself am a connoseur o' seagull; fine bird in my opinion." We all paused for a bit to stare at Mr. Gibbs like he was some odd, confused man rambling about seagulls, which he was. Finally, Will broke the silence.

"So anyway, what happened with Jack? And his crew?"

"Oh, right!" Mr. Gibbs said remembering the former conversation. "Well, that night there was a mutiny!" A hushed silence fell over us all, even though we knew the tale too well. It was just too good a moment to mess it up with our usual shticks. Mr. Gibbs continued. "They marooned Jack on an island an' left 'im there ta die, but not before he'd gone mad with the heat.

"Ah, so that's the reason for…" Will did a fairly good imitation of Jack, walking about in his usual odd manner.

"Reason's got nothin' ta do with it. Now listen boy, when a pirate's marooned he's given a pistol with a single shot. Well, one shot's not good for hunting or to be rescued, but after three weeks of a starvin' belly an' thirst…" Mr. Gibbs moved his hand up to his temple, his fingers in the shape of a gun's barrel. I have to admit I was a bit taken back by the look of almost mischievous evil in his eyes, "…that pistol's startin' ta look real friendly! But Jack, he got off that island and he still has that pistol. Oh, he won't use it though, save for one man. His murderous first mate…" I waited in anticipation for Will's reply. I love the way he says it so!

"Barbossa." Will answered, his eyes fierce with certainty.

"Aye…" Mr. Gibbs replied back.

"See, if I were him," Rachel started, oh boy here we go, "I wouldn't use the pistol. I mean, they're so tiny and unpredictable. What if he missed? What if the bullet was so small it didn't cause any injury. I believe the best way to be rid of 'ole Babs is to use a cannon. Yep…right in the gut." I simply stared at Rachel in utter astonishment for a bit.

" 'Ole Babs?" Mr. Gibbs questioned her.

"Yes. I decided he needed a nickname. Ya know, to soften him a bit."

"Right…" Mr. Gibbs said. Will turned to whisper something in my ear. No! It was not sweet nothings…oh how I wish…

"Your friend really is a bit odd. But I have to admit she's a nice break from normality, from my boring life back in Port Royal. This all is…"

"So…what you're saying is, you like her better than you like me." I said. Thinking back right after I said it, I realized how pathetic this sounded. If he hadn't realized before that I was in love with him, he knew it now!

"What? What I mean is that both of you are so different from anyone I've ever known. It's…refreshing! But of course, I met you first, and I was the one who helped you after your attempted mugging incident. So, between the two of you, you're my favorite." Will said, teasing me and ending his answer in a wink. I felt my knees buckle. I wanted to shout, "I'm his favorite! I'M HIS FAVORITE!" But of course I didn't.

"Well, I'll keep that between us." I assured Will, who grinned back and playfully nudged me in the arm. Mmmm…my little I'm-his-favorite-McHott!

"Not that she would care," I continued, "She's content with Jack." I turned my attention back to Rachel, who was having a conversation with a very confused looking Mr. Gibbs.

"…and the mutton-chops take the sailor look a bit too far. So, in my opinion, if we lose the side burns and dye your hair a nice sandy brown the improvement would be phenomenal." I raised one eyebrow and then spoke loudly.

"Anyway! Getting back to Jack on the island."

"Oh, yes!" Will remembered, "How did Jack get off the island?" Rachel and I looked at each other and simultaneously ran behind Mr. Gibbs before he started speaking again. We LOVED this part! He began speaking and behind his back we acted out all his hand motions and mouthed the words. Will made no sign that he saw us, but his eyes periodically darted off to the left to watch us.

Mr. Gibbs began, "Well, I'll tell ye. He waded out into the shallows and he waited there three days and three nights, till all manner of sea creatures came, acclimated to 'is presence. Then on the fourth day, he roped a couple 'o sea turtles, thrust 'em together and made a raft!" Will didn't look convinced. He glared at Mr. Gibbs, glanced at us and then spoke.

"He roped a couple of sea turtles…" His eyebrows were narrowed in a very sexy way (NOTE: that last sentence MUST be read in a Spanish accent). Mr. Gibbs opened his mouth to speak but Rachel and I beat him to it.

"AYE, SEA TURTLES!" We chorused at the same time. Mr. Gibbs turned to look at us for a moment, shook his head, and then turned back to Will, who continued looking at Mr. Gibbs unbelievingly.

"What did he use for rope?" Will asked intently. Oooh! The return of Smartie-pants-McHott! Ok, I'll stop that now. Mr. Gibbs just opened and closed his mouth stupidly trying to find the answer he didn't know.

"Anytime you're ready to tell us, laddie…" Rachel said arms crossed and tapping her foot. "We're waiting! Time is a precious thing, ma boy!" Just then Jack appeared out of nowhere. He stared hard at Will.

"Human hair. From my back." Mr. Gibbs nodded at Will the whole time and suddenly Jack spoke again.

"Who's tickling me back!" He spun around to find Rachel behind him, scratching her head and looking off into space, humming softly.

"What is wrong with you? Did I give you permission to FEEL your way around me back?" Rachel looked at him as if she only just noticed him talking to her.

"Well, you said the rope was made from your own back hair, which would mean that you now had no hair on your back. And I haven't felt a really nice, smooth back in such a long time…" Jack walked over to her and leaned down. As he spoke he held up a few fingers on his hand, as if teaching Rachel a lesson.

"You, young missy, are quite insane!"

"Well then you two could be brother and sister, Jack!" I added. Rachel burst out laughing.

"Oh, SNAP!" She cried, high fiving me. I leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"You know you really just wanted to get under his clothes." She said nothing but grinned mischievously.

"So, Jack, what now?" I asked. He thought for a moment then addressed the crew.

"Weigh anchor! Young Mr. Turner and I are to go ashore. And I suppose the ladies should accompany us, we might need some bait."

"Wow, thanks for that, Jack!" Rachel said.

"Yeah, good to know you really care." I answered.

"Always." He grinned.

"At least now we get to go on a field trip!" Said Rachel, trying to get our spirits up. I agreed.

"Yay! Field trip! I love field trips, drinks all around!"

"That's a great idea!" Cried Jack.

"Not now, Jack! We have to…oh god! Now I have to see Will and Elizabeth, don't I?" I asked. Will spun around.

"What?" Oops, how was I going to get out of this one?

"I said…Mmm, fizzlepeth!"

"Fizzlepeth? What are you talking about, Ms. Fraser?"

"Um…ya know, yum! Oooh delicious, mmm! It's fizzlepeth, it's good!" Will narrowed his brow. I gave him a big grin and then went to assist Jack with the rowboat and approached just in the nick of time to hear him say. "Keep ta the code."

"Aye, the code…" Gibbs murmured in reply.

* * *

Here's a word of advice from me to you (because I care). Rowboats are not made for four people! Between Jack and Will and Rachel and I, the small boat was more then a little tight. Jack was rowing and Will was manning the oil-lamp. Rachel and I just sort of sat in the bottom of the boat. Every little bit Jack looked down at us and grinned slyly, which made us more than a little uncomfortable.

"Here…fishy, fishy, fishy! HERE FISHY FISHY!" I sang out while leaning over the side of the boat.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Jack warned me.

"And why not?" Rachel asked, "Are there SCREAMING EELS!"

"I don't know what those are, but I know I wouldn't want ta stick my head down there and have some creature from the depths RIP MY BLOODY HEAD OFF!"

"Wow, Jack, okay! I didn't know you were so concerned for our welfare." I said to him.

"I'm…not. I just don't want to get blood on me boots or cause any noise. Noise is not a helpful thing when sneaking up on someone."

"Ahh, Jack, it'll be more than just one person. I mean we're talking about a CREW of pirates! Not just a simple one-man operation!" I reminded him.

"Still," he said grinning wickedly at me again, " 'S best you keep all your…ah…extremities inside the boat, love." I looked up at Will, who shrugged and continued to gaze around at the dark waters.

Jack certainly took his time getting us into the caves of the Isle de Muerta.

"Jack! Can't you row any faster! The faster you row the sooner we'll get there and the sooner I get to see you smacked upside the head – I mean, well, I'll let that happen when the time arrives." Rachel told him, smirking a bit.

"What is it with you and me getting smacked?" Jack inquired. At that moment we were plunged into darkness as we entered the caves. Will sat up on his knees, spreading the light. He stared out into the cave and the beam hit a crab which scurried on top of a yellow, decayed skeleton. Mmm, dinner's served.

"What code is Gibbs to keep to if the worst should happen?" Will asked, a note of fear showing on his face and in his voice. I really wanted to say, "Ooh, it's ok baby. The skeleton can't hurt you." But of course I didn't. I do own SOME self control!

"Pirate's Code." Jack told him, "Any man who falls behind…is left behind."

"Sounds good to me." Rachel said.

"Unless you're the man left behind. And yes, I mean man." I countered, grinning wickedly at her. She immediately splashed some icky cave water on me. I really hate to think what undead pirate recently released himself in the water that was now on my face.

"Ugh! Ok, you're getting double revenge for that!" I spat.

"Will ye stop talking! Is the concept of quiet sneaking so far from your head that you feel the need to be constantly uttering?" Wow. Jack spoke a full long sentence with some dictionary-worthy words! Like 'concept'…and 'uttering'! Ok, so maybe they're no that big but for Jack this was a major accomplishment. But of course he couldn't get the last word.

"No, Jack. But I do feel the need for speed. So, maybe you could row a wee bit faster?" Obviously Jack didn't like this comment as he threw the oars into my hands, pushed me onto the seat he had been in, and took my seat beside Rachel, who was looking only too happy to be pressed against him in the dark.

"If you're so bloody impatient you can do it yeself!" I shrugged and began to row. After years of doing crew at school, rowing hard was only too easy for me.

"So, Will, what do you think of the Pirate's Code?" Rachel asked him. He made a slight "hmph" sound under his breath.

"No heroes amongst thieves." Jack whipped his head around.

"For someone who has such a bleak outlook on pirates, you're well on your way to becoming one. Sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship o' the fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out o' Tortuga and…" he eyed Will as he looked over the side of the boat, his tone becoming a bit more serious, "you're completely obsessed with treasure!" The boat hit the beach quietly and we all climbed out, except for Will who brought in the rope.

"That's a lie! I am not obsessed with treasure!"

Jack had already sprung lightly up the side of the caves rock wall, and was now gazing through an opening in the rock. Rachel and I scrambled up to Jack as best we could, though in uncomfortable shoes and skirts, this was not the easiest thing.

"Bloody shoes! I knew I should have worn my sneakers!" I complained.

"But Vicki, sneakers wouldn't go with that skirt at all!" Rachel replied. Jack turned to look at Will.

"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate." Will paused, letting what Jack had just said sink in, and then joined us at the opening. We watched as the scene unfolded down below. Ole Babs had Elizabeth on the pile of gold. Will must have just noticed her as he called out her name.

"Elizabeth!" Jack pulled him down before he could run to her rescue. Ugh…how fun for me… We began to follow Jack down the rock, but something caught my eye.

"The necklace!" I said while grabbing the gold and coral necklace I'd always wanted. While doing this small pile of gold slid down off the opening.

"Crap." I said, "Now that damn monkey's gonna chase me like in my nightmare." Rachel just shook her head.

"Why can't we just go Jack? We're wasting time!" Will inquired.

"Oooh, getting a bit antsy today, eh?" Rachel asked him. He simply glared, and Jack walked past us.

"Best to wait till the opportune moment." He said turning around towards us. Will suddenly got that fierce intensity in his eyes. Oooh fierce LIKE A TIGER, ROAR!

"And when is that? When it's of greatest profit to you?" Jack spun around and faced him, an annoyed look on his face.

"Can I ask you something? When have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"

"Well, there's the fact that you…" I began, but Rachel quickly covered my mouth, so the rest was all incoherent mumbling. Jack ignored my outburst and went on talking to Will.

"Do us all a favor. I know it's hard but stay here and try not to do anything stupid!" He punctuated the final word with his usual drunken hand gestures.

"It's not like you never do anything stupid!" Rachel pointed out to Jack. I was shocked.

"Rachel! You just backed Will up! You stood up for…Will!"

"Yeah…well, it happens!" Jack left us to peer around a corner.

"Will?" I asked him, "You're not going to let him talk to you like that, are you? I mean he's just using you!" Will looked down at the floor.

"I know. I've tried to forget about what he said at the pub, but he really does only have his own interests in people, doesn't he?" I nodded. Will looked frantically around and his gaze finally settled on an oar, which he picked up and walked over to Jack. Jack immediately spun around and his head made contact with the flat part of Will's oar.

"Sorry, Jack, I'm not going to be your leverage."

* * *

_Lyrics from Lord of the Rings_


	9. BOOM!

Disclaimer: Don't own Jack, Don't own Will, don't own any sanity...mayber shouldn't have admitted to that. Well Cheers mates, this is hoping that three times is indeed the charm. LS

* * *

"Having fun?" I asked Rachel. She was currently braiding many more braids into poor Jack's head. 

"Hell yeah, I am!" She answered back. It was a pity she didn't know how to cornrow; it would have been a better look for him.

"Well…we're off to save Elizabeth." I sighed. The prospect of seeing Will's wet hand over HER lips was not very appealing.

"Alright. I hope YOU have fun. I guess I'll just sit here until dear Jack decides to wake up. Pity you won't be able to see the look on his face. Won't be one to miss!"

I grinned. I can just hear him cursing now…anyways, Rachel and I said our goodbyes and I padded along after Will as he peeked through cracks in the cave wall. Suddenly, he gasped lowly and mouthed Elizabeth's name while taking a step backwards.

"What's wrong?" I asked running after him as he moved towards a hole in the wall, which led to the waterway.

"That heathen bastard hit her. He laid his hand on her and if he ever does that again it'll be the last thing he ever does."

"Oh, that." I answered, a note of boredom in my voice.

"How can you be so nonchalant about it?" Will retorted as he stood gazing at her motionless frame a few yards away, "She's not moving! We have to get to her immediately!" He made a move to climb into the water but I stopped him.

"Will, she's fine! He didn't hit her that hard! She's probably just pretending to be unconscious. Look." I said pointing to the small scar below my right eye, "I got hit here and I was fine! Phew, you should have seen what happened to the other guy!"

Will's face took on an impressed look. HA! I win again! Ok, so I didn't get in a fight…I really got the scar from skidding on a blacktop, but whatever. His thoughts were taken away from Elizabeth for a bit so I was happy. Then, he turned away from me and stepped into the water. I threw up my arms. That boy has the shortest attention span.

I turned my back and him and Elizabeth and soon enough he was helping her out of the water. They stood for a moment looking at each other and then quickly drew each other in a chaste embrace. By embrace I mean hug. You think I'd let them kiss in front of me? And by let them I mean I allowed it for about two seconds before I stuck out my hand for Elizabeth.

"Nice to meet you, Elizabeth." I said politely. I'm always polite, er….at least I'm good at faking it! They separated and Will put his left hand on my shoulder blade.

"Elizabeth, this is Ms. Fraser. She's been a good friend and companion on the trip to rescue you." He said smiling at me. I was beyond happy and trying too hard not to blush to comprehend that he'd introduced me as a "companion." Oh bother.

"It's nice to meet you, Ms. Fraser." She answered, taking my hand and smiling. I realized much to my dismay that her politeness was not the fake-kind.

"Please," I told her, "call me Victoria. I have no idea why Will feels the need to be so proper all the time." I would have told her to call me Vicki, but come on, let's not get carried away! I'm supposed to be enemies with this girl!

"Well, now that we're all caught up," Will smiled, "let's get the hell out of here." As soon as he said it, Elizabeth and I stopped dead in our tracks.

"Did you just curse, Will?" I whispered. He shrugged, seemingly unsurprised. I was needless to say, impressed! Not that I'm not always impressed with my little Occasionally-curses-McHott! Ok, I snuck another one in. I turned to say something to dear Liz but Will had started to sprint towards the rowboat.

"Aren't you going to steal all their oars?" I asked Will, when we were getting in ours.

"No, why?" He asked back. Honestly, that boy…Mmm.

"Well, when Barbossa and his crew discover that Elizabeth's gone they'll go looking for us, and if the oars are gone they won't be able to come after us!" Will contemplated this for a moment and then ran about frantically, searching, gathering up all the oars. He placed them in the boat. I hopped in and he gently helped Elizabeth in. Ugh.

"Ms. Fraser, would you mind rowing again? I mean, I'd be happy to but you were very good at it." Will asked. Needless to say I was blushing…again.

"Of course, Will! I'd be delighted to." I couldn't help but glance over at Liz for a second, and let's just say she looked more than a bit put out. I sat in the rowing seat, took a hold of the oars and began to quickly take us out of the cave.

We were only about three minutes away from the opening of the cave to the ocean, when a crab scuttled off the sides of the cave walls and into the boat. Now, it came in on Elizabeth's side and quickly scurried under her dress. I didn't say anything because it wasn't hurting her er…yet. It quickly scurried out again and positioned itself right in between Will's legs. I watched with horror in my eye as it began to move, raising a claw, getting near and nearer to Will's…er…fun zone.

"Uh-uh, no way!" I jumped up. We were far enough away from the pirates for them to hear my cries. I quickly snatched up the crab and held it out to look at it.

"If you ever feel the need to scurry into our boat and position YOURSELF between HIS legs, let me know first, because I LOVE crab rolls!" I told it fiercely. Of course, when I said that thing about positioning himself between Will's legs I was saying something around the line of…'that's MY job' in my head. And then it hit me. That crab had been DANGEROUSLY close to Will's – Will-ness -, which meant that my HAND was DANGEROUSLY close to Will's – Will-ness – HELL YEAH! I think Will realized this point too, because as we had exited the cave and I was speedily rowing towards the Interceptor, the look on his face was priceless. He was looking at me in a way he never had before. His eyes were wide in an "I've never encountered that kind of boldness before from a woman" way. A slight smile graced his lips and I smiled back, in a sort of sly way. Elizabeth simply wasn't moving. I was hoping she had given up already, knowing full well that she couldn't compete with me.

We finally reached the ship and I hooked the rope onto the rowboat as Will threw the oars into the dark blue water. He again helped Elizabeth onto the ship but I noticed that he also glanced at me while taking her hand.

Struggling up unto the deck Elizabeth stumbled and found herself in front of surprise, surprise…pirates.

"Not more pirates." She groaned.

"Welcome on board, Ms. Elizabeth."

Elizabeth peered at the man who had addressed her and placed him as the swarthy sea dog from years ago, "Mr. Gibbs?"

Mr. Gibbs nodded, then questioned over her shoulder to Will, "Boy, where be Jack?"

Will approached Elizabeth placing an arm around her shoulder, "He fell behind."

Everyone went still. Mr. Gibbs fought with some effort in his mind and then reminded all the rest, as though he were reminding himself, "Keep to the code."

Wow. Annamaria sure takes charge fast. Watch that girl go!

"Raise the anchor! Hoist the sails! Hands on deck, you ninnies!"

Now this is the point in the story where I have to explain something. If you spend a lot of time with someone in a fantastical situation, you begin to forget about how the amazing the place and the person are. You get used to the situation and just…live. Now, in my case the small picture of Orlando Bloom I kept with me all times in my bra (close to my heart) was a constant reminder of my obsession, but I was beginning to change. I forgot that all this would eventually end and that I would be left alone in my room with my Orlando posters, dreaming about getting close to a certain character of his. I forgot (almost) about Orlando completely. All I knew was that I was climbing unto a ship and Will Turner now had his hand on my shoulder, asking me if I was alright.

"Yes. Yes, Will, I'm fine." I answered, slightly winded by my own emotions. He nodded.

"Will, are there any bandages? I really need to bind my hand to stop the bleeding." Elizabeth asked him.

I REALLY wanted to turn to her and say, "Oh, were you careless with the kitchen knife? Do you need to bind it with some aroe root?" (He he, Sleepy Hollow!) but I controlled myself.

"There's some down in the brig. I'll show you." Will offered.

The moment the words left his gorgeous mouth my heart sank deep into my chest. I knew this scene in the movie only too well. It was the one that made my blood boil. I REALLY didn't want to see Will lovingly bandaging her hand, calling out her name as he leans in towards her, or her sly movement of bringing his hand down to her BOOB in her little, 'Oh, I just wanted to give you back this, not force you to feel me up, te he!' thing. Only this time my blood wasn't boiling. It wasn't jealousy I was feeling. It was pain, sadness. All at once I realized that no matter what little things I caused to change in the movie, the ending would remain the same; Will would be with Elizabeth. He loves her and he always would, I was just someone tagging along for the ride.

I sat in my cabin in the corner, fresh tears on my face. I missed Rachel, a lot. She was probably at the moment copping feels at Jack, and warding off him doing the same to her. I moved toward the port hole and taking the small picture of Orlando out of my bra, tore it in half, and threw it out the opened porthole. 'Time to grow up, Vicki,' I thought to myself. Just then a knock came from the door.

"Um…Victoria?" Came a small voice from the door. I wiped my eyes and opened it. Elizabeth stood outside, needless to say she was not who I was expecting.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Will's in the brig. He wants to see you." She answered. Oh great, probably wanted to talk to me about his love for Liz. I thanked Elizabeth, went to the opening, and climbed down the ladder. In the dimly lit room sat Will, leaning against the wall, running his finger over the rim of the medallion. I sort of expected him to say, "My precious!" but he didn't. I sat down at the other end, where only minutes before he and Liz shared their "moment". At first, he made no movement to acknowledge my presence, but then he quickly flicked his dark brown eyes to meet mine.

"You wanted to see me, Will?" I said. I sounded a little cold, which was mostly unintentional, but I was still upset. He paused before speaking and he was still staring at my own green eyes. I was getting a little uncomfortable and I wanted to look away, but I found I couldn't. Finally, he spoke.

"She took it from me, Ms. Fraser. All this time I thought it was at the bottom of the ocean, but it was around her neck. I don't know her anymore, I never really did. She said she took it because she was afraid I was a real pirate. But if I am, I'll have to face it someday, and she'll have to take me for who I am. All the feelings I felt for her can't be. We have no idea who the other person is." His eyes moved back to the medallion.

"I'm sorry, Will. Is there anything else?" I asked him, slowly becoming numb to my feelings. He shook his head.

"No, I just…" I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. I rose from my seat and moved to the ladder; new tears were already forming in my eyes.

"I'd love you no matter who you are." I muttered under my breath. As I walked up the ladder, I noticed the room below me got dark. He'd blown out the candle. I'd lost him.

* * *

As soon as I reached the top of the ladder, I heard shouts from above, on deck. I quickly scrambled to the top, where Mr. Gibbs was screaming at the top of his lungs. 

"Hands aloft to loose t'gallants! With this wind at her stern, she'll carry every sail we've got!"

I ran towards him, Elizabeth at my side.

"What's happening?" She asked. Mr. Gibbs turned to look at us, a look on his face as if he had only just noticed we were on the boat. He opened his mouth probably to tell us to get below deck where all the bad luck belongs, but Annamaria opened hers faster.

"The Black Pearl! She's gaining on us!" She said, her eyes gazing warily behind us at the quickly approaching Pearl. I heard a noise behind me and I turned around to find Will. He looked down at me, I narrowed my brow a bit and looked up at him, then he and Elizabeth looked at each other. Mostly, we just looked at one another uncomfortably.

"But this is the fastest ship in the Caribbean!" Elizabeth cried, joining Anamaria at the helm.

"You can tell them that after they've caught us!" She snapped, her grip on the helm tightening. Elizabeth looked around searching for answers; finally it seemed she thought of something.

"We're shallow on the draft, right?" She eagerly asked Anamaria, who immediately looked confused.

"Aye." She answered, almost questioningly.

"Well then can't we lose them amongst those shoals?" Anamaria, Gibbs, and Elizabeth all looked at each other.

"We don't have to outrun them long, just long enough." Gibbs said desperately. Anamaria began to turn the helm.

"Lighten the ship, stem to stern!" She cried. Will ran to help, but I had a question I REALLY needed to ask Elizabeth.

"So, Elizabeth. How is it that you know so much about ships and naval battles? I mean, I've grown up in a port city myself, I've been on sail boats or racing shells all my life, but I certainly don't pretend to know how to fight on the water!" Elizabeth half-smiled.

"Well, neither do I, but all the time father invited Commodore Norrington to dinner…I guess all the naval talk just sank in. I don't pretend to know either." I nodded. The answer was believable enough. Damn! Why did that girl have to be so BLOODY honest and likeable! I quickly ran to the middle of the boat to assist in anyway I could. Mr. Gibbs was standing in the thicket of everything and shouting at the top of his lungs.

"Anything that we can afford to lose, see that it's lost!" I immediately grabbed a bag of something heavy and heaved it over the side of the ship.

"Whew. That was gratifying!" I said. Will, who had just thrown an empty chicken coop off next to me, smiled as I said that. I tried not to melt and get over him. He was only playing with me, right? As soon as he tossed the coop off he ran to the other side of the ship. I ran along behind him and swung out off the side of the ship as he did. This was possibly my favorite shot of him in the movie, so I couldn't help but look back at him. He looked back at me with wide eyes before jumping down unto the boat again. I stayed out a moment longer. The feeling of flying is the only way to describe what it was like. The ship was moving so fast and I closed my eyes to feel the world spinning around me. Will came up to the edge again to throw a barrel off. A crew member tried to throw a cannon off, but Will stopped him.

"We're gonna need that." The crewie looked at me and I nodded then got down. I glanced over to the Black Pearl, who'd just put out its oars. So that's what Will was looking at! That's why we needed the cannon! It all makes sense now! I ran over to Anamaria to tell her about the oars but she'd already seen them and was talking to Will, Gibbs and Elizabeth.

"It was a good plan…up till now." Suddenly Will stepped forward.

"Gibbs! We have to make a stand. We must fight! Load the guns!" Anamaria didn't look convinced.

"With what?" She asked, shaking her head.

"Anamaria, we have to stand up to them! We can't just sit here and let them overtake us!" I cried, suddenly finding my voice.

"Fine! But what will we load the cannons with? We've got no more cannon balls left?"

"Anything," Will answered for me, his arms swinging in gestures, "Everything! Anything we have left!" Gibbs nodded and stepped out of the small conference to address the crew.

"Load the guns! Take shot and langrage. Nails and crushed glass with a will!" The crew hopped to it and began throwing utensils and silverware into the cannons. The little person pirate grabbed Gibbs' flask and threw it into his cannon.

"Sorry, Gibbsie, it was inevitable." I said shrugging my shoulders.

"The Pearl is going to luff up on our port quarter. She'll rake us without ever presentin' a target!" Gibbs cried out to Anamaria at the helm. It was silent for a moment…shouldn't Liz have another idea. Oh, here it comes.

"Lower the anchor on the right side." No one was getting it. "On the starboard side!" Oh, now they understand. I looked to Will, who turned to Gibbs and shrugged.

"It certainly has the element of surprise." Will turned to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"What do you think, Ms. Fraser? Will it work? You're the rowing expert here." I looked around. Anamaria, Gibbs, Elizabeth, and of course Will were looking at me. I gulped. Oh, the pressure!

"Yes: It…it should work." I answered, my voice wavering.

"You're daft, lady! You both are!" Anamaria cried.

"Daft like Jack!" Gibbs said. He showed no sign of uncertainty. "Lower the starboard anchor!" The crew hesitated, "Do it, ye dogs, or it's you we'll load into the cannons!" The crew immediately heaved the heavy anchor into the water. A few seconds later, it must have hit the bottom because the whole boat leaned sharply to the right. I lost my balance from the unexpected jerk and went tumbling towards the side of the ship.

"Ms. Fraser!" Will cried. He lunged forward and caught me before I hit the edge. I caught my breath and stared at him. Just then, Elizabeth cried, "Let go!" and Anamaria did so, letting the wheel of the helm spin wildly of its own will. Will let go of me to go help. A huge crashing noise came from the hull obviously the anchor's rope had smashed into the ship. I watched, my heart beating faster every second as the Black Pearl swung around and became parallel to us. I gazed down at Barbossa's crew making faces at us and I responded with a few obscene gestures, which being pirates, they eagerly returned. Suddenly, I remembered something. The boat fight scene…the wind ripping through the sails…

"Number 7!" I cried out. Gibbs and Will had come over to edge alongside me, and they exchanged looks.

"Number seven?" Gibbs asked.

"On the soundtrack. This is number 7! It's my favorite!" I could feel my spirits returning. I was ready to kick some ass. In the middle of the ship I took a few moments to sing to myself.

"Buh-buh-buh-bubuh! Buh-Buh-buh-bubuh! Buh-Buh-buh bubuh! Buh Buh buh bububuh!" I stopped when Will called my name. I ran over to join him at the edge.

"Here." He said handing me a pistol. I slowly took it out of his hands and held it. I felt sort of powerful, and knowing that I wasn't going to actually kill them helped.

"Do you know how to use it?" Will asked. I wasn't listening, because I was holding a pistol!

"Do you know how to use it?" He repeated.

"Oh…uh yeah." I answered. I'd seen enough movies to understand the basics. Will patted my on my back and stood up.

"Keep us steady now." He said to Gibbs. Then, after looking around to find everyone ready, he thrust his hand in the air.

"Now!" He cried, and the crew around me lit the loaded cannons. There seemed to be a split second of silence before booms went off all around me. I looked over and watched as Elizabeth mouthed, "Fire!" I'm sure she actually screamed it, but my eardrums were already shot. I looked down at my pistol and pulled the uh…barrel-loader…thing back. I brought it up to my face and peered through the tiny eye-hole. Suddenly it hit me. Rachel was on that ship! What if she got hurt? A few moments of extreme panic went by before I realized she'd stick by Jack. I found a pirate in the eye-piece, the one with blond dreadlocks, and slowly pulled the trigger.

No one can prepare you for the jolt of shooting a pistol. In the movies, guys do it with one hand, and they seem to do it so easily. Well, I'm here to tell you first hand that it's not. The second you pull the trigger an earthquake starts in your hand. It travels all the way up your arm before it finally blows you down. I was on the floor of the deck in one second and up in the next, hoping to God no one saw me. I looked across to the Pearl to see where my target went to. When after a few seconds of looking, he was nowhere to be found, I began to load the pistol again. Just then, Ole' Blondie popped up from behind the side of the ship, his hand on his head. He looked way more pissed off then before.

"Oh my gosh! I shot him! I SHOT HIM!" I yelled. Will congratulated me and I failed to mention that since the pirates were undead, shooting them really made no difference. I opened my mouth to say something, but I was cut off by a sudden, extremely sharp pain in my upper arm. I looked down to find that a bullet had slashed it. I moved my arm to get a better look at it and must have blacked-out for a moment because when I opened my eyes I was on the floor, Will standing over me.

"Ms. Fraser! Are you alright? You're lucky," he sighed, "a tiny bit more and the bullet would have lodged in your arm." I looked down at the wound to find it bleeding freely. Will was right, the cut was deep. All I could think in my head was, 'Crap. This is all I need right now. A huge gash in my arm and no modern medicine! No Advil, no anesthesia, no band-aids or liquid stitches! With my luck it'll probably get infected!' I found that pessimism went along with pain. Gibbs came over to where I was leaning again the hull.

"We could use a few more ideas, lass." He said to Elizabeth, who sat beside Will. She turned to me.

"Your turn." She replied quickly. Gibbs shook his head.

"We need us a Devil's Dowry."

Suddenly, Anamaria threw her arm over Elizabeth, a look of anger in her face. She pointed her pistol at Elizabeth.

"Then we'll give 'em her!" I heard Will shift his weight beside me.

"She's not the one they're after."

"The medallion!" Elizabeth said breathlessly, grabbing at her bare neck.

"Uh-oh." I murmured. Will grabbed my hand and I followed him down to the brig.

"I left it down here. Where is it?" He said frantically searching for it. The candles had blown out so it was very dark. Will pulled the table back up and ran his hands over the floor. A thin layer of seawater was on the floor and it was cool on my aching feet. I'd thrown my shoes and socks off a long time ago, giving myself up to the pirate life. I joined Will in the search the noise growing louder above us and then I remembered. We were going to be trapped in a very short time. I began to explain to Will what was going to happen but I heard a whizzing sound, which stopped me. I lunged toward the ladder, everything seeming to go in slow motion; I probably mouthed a low-pitched "Nooo!" as I ran. I only made it to the base of the ladder, however, when the mast crashed down on top of the door.

"What was that?" Will cried, the water coming in quicker now.

"The mast! It fell!" I cried, jumping up to try to push it off, though I knew it was no use.

"Hey! Hey! Below!" Will called.

"We're down here! Help!" I joined him. Fear began to flood my senses. What if we both weren't able to get out? What if me being down here too messed up the survival rate? I continued frantically, crying out and soon I saw Elizabeth above us, her thin fingers pushed through the squares in the door.

"Will! Will!"

"Elizabeth!" Will answered. I cried out too, my own voice shriller than Will's but smoother and a bit lower than Elizabeth's. She continued to try and pull off the broken mast.

"I can't move it! Will!" She called out. I watched as two pairs of hands reached out and grabbed her from behind.

"Elizabeth! Look out behind you!" I cried, but she was already being pulled away.

"Will! Will!"

"Elizabeth!"

They called for each other. I felt a small tingle over my cut and realized that the water had risen to my shoulders.

"Will! The water! Oh, Will…what will we do?" I choked to fight back tears, but found I couldn't. As hot tears fell down my cheeks, I looked at Will.

"Don't worry, Ms. Fraser. We'll find a way out." He then leaned over and as I closed my eyes I felt soft lips on my forehead. They pulled away a moment later but the feeling remained. The next second the water rose to our mouths. We looked at each other, breathed in deeply, and plunged under.

* * *

Just a reminder all chapter from the point of view of Vicki were written by her, and Rachel's pause were well written by…why Rachel of course. It'll get tricky now, because the story splits into points of view of things that happen at the same time. Rachel's adventures to follow in the chapters to come. 


	10. MONKEY!

Disclaimer: I don't own Jack and Vicki doesn't want Will anymore (at least that's what she says but recent shiver activity declares strongly otherwise). I would like to address a very important point here. This is to JosieandthePussyCats "friend". My co-author and co-conspirator in crime, Vicki and I, were both furious that you had taken certain phrases and actions word for word and given them to your friend to use in her story. If you have already apologized to Vicki than thank you for that, but do not do it again. Please, this piece of work has been the fruit of two years labor. Don't try and run off with what we consider our baby, we've worked too hard for someone to come along and pass it off as their work, and get the credit which is rightfully ours.

**Disregard anything written here. You know except for the whole taking things from us. Everything is resolved and happy and it's nice to have a new friend in Josie and her friends. We're just using our old chapters from when they were first posted so not all the disclaimers are up to date.**

* * *

You know, more people should see Jack asleep…or knocked out as the case was. He almost looked…innocent. Now that was a disturbing thought.

Jack began to stir.

"Ah…bloody 'ell. Why is it always me? I feel…"

"Like you were hit over the head with an oar? You were." I gave him my hand to help him up.

He stood, swaying on the spot; his hand grasped my shoulder to steady himself.

He touched a hand to the side of his face, "Ye got quite a swing on ye, lass." He mumbled looking down at the oar in my hand.

I started, "Oh no! No, no, no…I…I didn't hit you."

"The oar in yeh 'an disputes tha' litt'l excuse, love." He indicated to the oar.

I pushed it into his hand, irritated. Nothing was easy with him. "Well, now it's in your possession. Will knocked you out." I said, "He left with Elizabeth and Vicki, back to the Interceptor some time ago."

Sparrow held the oar as if it were the cane we lost in Tortuga, using it to support his weight, "An' ye, lass. Why ye be 'ere?"

"I thought you of all people would know that life is never as exciting without the great Captain Jack Sparrow."

Jack's expression darkened, "Nor more dangerous with 'im." He replied sternly, "Yer in over yer 'ead, lass."

"Oh, puh-leeeeese…" I snorted.

"I mean it, lass, I don't want yeh 'ere." He said again, taking an imposing step forward. What was he gonna do, force me to shake a tale feather and run for the hills? I don't think so. You and I both know that's not the way I work.

I opted for the rational route of reason. "Well, you're just gonna have to suck it up, 'cause there's no freaking way I can catch up with them now." I argued.

"Foine." He snapped, "But stay 'ere…"

"Hell no!" I exclaimed indignantly, "And let you have all the swash-swash-buckle-buckling fun by yourself? No way, Jose. I'm tagging along."

"Listen, love…" He said stepping closer, his tone that of someone trying to pacify an obstinate child, "Do this…"

I looked at him skeptically, "Or what?"

"Look…" He seized my shoulders, then seemed to gather his calm again, and he lowered his voice, "Ave I ever given yeh a reason not ta trust me?"

Knees felt a little unsteady…oh he was sly, the evil bastard. That line was this close to making me melt. But that was his game, and that line wasn't going to work for me this time.

"Uh, yes."

It looked like I had thrown him for a loop. Heh, heh, heh, not gonna work today, Jackie Boy.

"For example?"

"Not telling us that the cider had turned, and almost getting us drunk…Shall I continue?"

"Alrigh', alrigh'!" He bit out angrily, having been foiled, "But ye do as I say, got tha'?"

"Like I got a loverly bunch of coconuts, de dil-la-dee, which I don't really, although if we ever needed to fake horse sounds they would come in handy."

Jack paused, "Was that a 'yes'?"

"No."

"Then tha' was a 'no'?"

"Yes."

"So it'is a 'yes'?"

"Yes."

"Alrigh' then. Stick close."

I latched myself onto his arm.

"Not tha' close."

"Deal with it." I steered him in a certain direction and began to walk, "Now, let's find us an adventure!"

And I walked us right into Barbossa's goons.

"Wow, that was fast." I remarked.

Jack glared dangerously at me, "Ye did tha' on purpose." He accused.

"I guess we'll never know."

" 'Ey!" Pintel exploded seeing us. He pointed a lone finger at Sparrow in outrage and utter disbelief, "Yer supposed ta be dead!"

Jack looked down at himself as if half expecting to see a gaping hole in his chest, "Am I not?" Satisfied that he was whole with none of his limbs missing, he turned to leave, as if he would remedy that for them secretly making his escape. I stayed put. We would be here for a while.

A gun cocked ominously behind me and a mere second later, Jack rejoined himself at my side, realizing there was no point. Hell, I could have told him that, but sometimes Jack's not a very good listener.

Pintel and Ragetti had their own pistols pointed right at our noses. Jack stalled as if he weren't quite expecting them to be there, he reeled back slightly and his tongue danced in an effort to get out a certain word. I leaned back against a rock as he struggled with a pronunciation that would save his life.

"Purla…perlalalulu…parsnip…parsley…" He fumbled about for the right word, and I waited for the 'Partner…partner…Howdy partner, howdy partner.' But was disappointed when Ragetti cut him off before he could finish.

"Parle?" Ragetti suggested.

"Tha's it! Tha's the one! Parle! Paaaaar-leeeeee!"

Pintel turned to glare at Ragetti in astonished incredulity, "Parle?" How stupid can you get man?

I nodded my head toward the thinner of the ruffians, "Thanks, mate."

"Damn ta the depths, whatever mutton-head though' of the word 'Parle'!" Pintel snarled, turning to us again, brandishing the gun threateningly.

I moved forward and put my arm over Sparrow's shoulder as he leaned forward and lowered the nuzzle of the gun with his fingers and we both replied, "The French."

Turning slowly to face me, Jack exclaimed, "Will ye stop tha'?"

"Fetch the Captain!" Pintel hollered over his shoulder, gun never wavering from its mark on the both of us.

"No, don't do that…" I murmured.

"Shut yer 'ole, wench!" Pintel growled.

"Wench!" Ragetti echoed happily.

"HA HA HA, you're so CUTE!" I exclaimed, but then turned stony faced, "But seriously, call me a wench again and I'll slap you silly. Slap, slap, bitch."

"Ye 'ear tha'?" Ragetti nudged Pintel, "She says she thinks I'm cute!" He gave a girlish giggle.

"I 'eard 'er!" Pintel snapped.

Jack and I shared a glance.

"I also called you 'bitch'; I'm well read that way."

It suddenly became absolutely still. The quiet thickened, as if it were a death march drum solo. I saw the crowd of buccaneers part to reveal the tall, intimidating figure of Barbossa. A shiver ran through me. Now Geoffrey Rush by himself is uneasy enough, but this…this man before us was real. And he was not happy.

"Whoah…" I murmured, "Scary…"

"How the blazes did ye get off tha' island?" Barbossa sneered menacingly.

Smiling timidly, I waited for Sparrow's answer that could almost always make me forget we were surrounded by murderous, traitorous, sea dogs.

Jack leaned forward on the oar to answer, "When you marooned me on tha' godforsaken spit o' land," he spat out in calm disgust, "ye fergot one very important thin', mate…" He opened his arms as if he were a force that could not be barred by regular human standards, "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."

I chuckled. Wrong thing to do.

Barbossa's eyes caught sight of me finally. Moving closer with a predatory gait he peered down at me, "An' 'oo's fine company 'ave yeh been in, Sparrow? Anotha of yer whores, mayhap? She's no' as fine as the others, but she 'as plenty o' skin on 'er bones. Getting' desperate, are we?"

Ouch, Barbossa actually brought it!

Straightening my back in an effort not to cower into a ball or to punch his lights out, I placed my hand forward. "The name's Rachel, if you don't mind. Also known as Jack Sparrow's Bonny Lass, the best and the greatest of them, might I add. Don't worry, you're not the first to call me whore, or strumpet today…but you are the first to say I'm fat. You know just because I weigh 148lbs does not make me a cow, don't let this fool ya, most of it's muscle….pleased ta meet ya."

"Likewise." Barbossa smiled a terrible smile. Eruch…feel nasty things crawling under my skin. "Ye do 'appen ta be aware of Sparrow's fortune at bein' an unfortunate devil, eh? Are yeh positive yeh want 'im ta drag ye down with 'im?"

"Drag me down…go down on me…same difference." I muttered.

"Eh?"

"I'll take my chances." I clarified, "Oh and how did you come up with a lame ass name like Barbossa, anyway?"

"Why you litt'l…!" He began murderously. Jack hastily stepped between us.

"I think it's a lovely name, just like yer motha's." Jack claimed happily, "But tha' not bein' the point 'ere, but the fact tha' nothin' in 'eaven or 'ell can stop Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Well," Barbossa smirked, seemingly thinking he could remedy that easily, "I won't be makin' tha' mistake…again." Turning he addressed his bullies, "Gents! Ye'll remember Captain Jack Sparrow? Kill 'im." He uttered in a soft poisonous whisper. "An' bring the gel ta me. We'll teach 'er not ta rip into names, shall we?"

The men grunted in response, wide evil grins turned to smile recklessly at us. Many cocked their guns while others made to reach for me.

Jack straightened, his face hard when he spoke, and his voice rang out like a slap throughout the cave, "The gel's blood didn't work, did it?"

Barbossa stopped dead and stood ridgedly in silence, "Hold yer fire!" He barked more than a note of impatience in his voice. He spun around and approached us again, the darkness of his displeasure rolling off him in waves, "Ye know whose blood we need." He accused Sparrow.

Jack's voice dipped into a deeper, self-satisfied, dangerous whisper of agreement, "I know 'ose blood yeh need."

I swooned. No, really, I actually swooned right onto Pintel. No kidding, I just put a hand to my head and…fell back. I know, perfect timing right? But, jesus, he just always sounded so damn devilish when he said that line.

All this, of course, drew stares.

"Wha's wrong with 'er?" Barbossa inquired frankly of Jack, gazing oddly at me.

"Lots o' thin's, mate." Jack answered pleasantly.

I don't like being mocked. Let's just make that clear. "Your mom's lots of things…in my pants." I muttered, pushing myself off of Pintel, shooting a look at Sparrow.

"She's an odd one…" Barbossa remarked.

Jack nodded his agreement.

"Kill 'er."

WHAT?

"We've no need o' 'er."

"WHOAH! HEY THERE! SHOOT MAN!"

"Ye 'eard 'er lads, shoot."

"NO! Hold your goddamn fire, you nitwits! Par-freakin-le!"

"Wha'?"

"PARLE!" I screeched. "What are you, forking deaf or something?"

Well that must have hit a nerve or something (ya know the old man's not as spritely as he used to be, I bet)because old Babs growled menacingly, "Take 'em to the ship!" He ordered, though it was clear to all what he wanted most in the world was to get rid of us then and there.

Pintel reached for my arm. I mean, I know he was my cushion when I fell but honestly…how desperate do you think I am? Don't answer that, by the way.

"I can walk very well on my own, thank you." I snapped succinctly, walking forward to keep pace with Sparrow.

He snuck a sly glance at me from the corner of his eyes, "Me bonny lass, eh? Las' nigh' ye didn't seem so willin', now it's all Rum an' gigg'ls…"

"Don't flatter yourself," I cut him off with a stern reminder, "out of all the pirates here you happen to be the coolest…and the cleanest. Besides," I added, "I like the title. Has a nice ring to it."

"O' course it does, love." Jack smirked. I could just see the wheels in his head turning out a mantra of, "I'm gonna get meself laid, gonna get meself laid, I'm the best 'cause I'm gonna get meself laid." Well excuse me if I wanted to make it absolutely clear to him that that was not going to be happening anytime soon. Stopping, I turned slowly to him as if in a trance. I do think he even leaned in a little, and then…I pushed him into one of the pools of murky underground water behind him. He never saw it coming. He fell in with a yelp and a resounding splash that echoed throughout the caves.

I quickly stuffed my arm behind my back, whistling innocently when every face turned to behold what had just taken place.

"What? WHAT!" I exclaimed, then hurrying forward up to Barbossa before Jack could come out and kick my ass, as he resurfaced, sputtering.

"Wha' was tha'?" Barbossa asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "He tripped…on his ego."

Barbossa looked at me for another split second of silence and then he threw his head back and roared with laughter.

"Aye lass! Tha's 'ow a pirates mind works! Underhanded an' schemin'. Come now, gel an' tell me wha' other little mischiefs 'ave ye been bestowin' upon Sparrow!" He laughed again, placing an arm around my shoulders, walking me out of the caves.

Hey, I could go with the flow.

'How much time ya got?"

* * *

"So…ye plan ta leave me on some beach, watching you sail away with MY ship," Barbossa's laughed coarsely in incredulous disbelief and amusement, as he sat back comfortably in his chair in the middle of the Captain's Cabin, "with nothing but a name, and YER word it's the one I need?"

"No…!" Jack stated, shocked at such a ridiculous idea, "I plan ta leave ye on some beach with no name a'tall, watching me sail away with MY ship, an' then I'll shout the name back to ye, savvy?" He explained leaning over the table between them, the very image of a negotiation gone wrong.

"Sounds like a good plan to me." I commented, with my boots on the table, leaning back just as comfortably as Barbossa. I still didn't know why I was here. But hey, I wasn't complaining.

"But tha' still leaves me on some beach with naught but a name an' yer word…it's the one I need." Barbossa argued on a grim hissing of the vowels.

"Well," Jack began good naturedly, leafing through the bowl of red and green apples before him on the table, trying to find the most appealing one, "O' the two of us…"

"Three." I piped up.

Jack sighed in annoyance, "Aye, aye, o' the three o' us then…I am the only one tha' 'asn't committed mutiny…"

"Saying no to groping is not a mutinous act, Jack."

"Will ye shut up?" An irritated spark leapt into his eyes, "I'm tryin' ta finish me sentence. May I 'ave yer leave ta do so?"

I was sufficiently quelled to say the least, "I sorry I interrupt." I amended with a slight accent.

Jack's gaze sharpened, "Since when did ye become German?"

Goddamn you Vicki, and your Hans Yenssen influences.

Shaking his head in utter confusion he turned back to Barbossa to finish his little speech, "Therefore…"

"…ergo," I murmured, "…visa vi… CONCORDEDLY!"

Jack clenched his jaw in irritation and continued forward, "…my word's the one we'll be trustin'." Jack closed up his argument, sitting back with an apple in each hand. He tossed one to me, " 'Ere ye go, lass. Bite inta tha'. Maybe if yer mouth's occupied with somethin' else, we'll 'ave some peace an' quiet."

I caught the offered apple with an unhappy frown, "I want a green one." I complained. So sue me, I like Granny Smith's.

"Ye'll eat wha' yer given, love." He assured me taking a bite out of his own juicy fruit, though I'll bet anything he was longing for a banana right about now.

I threw the red apple at his head, "Eat me." I snapped.

"Ow! Bloody 'ell, woman. I think I've been hit ova the 'ead enough for one day, savvy?" He barked, rubbing his sore whittle head.

"That would account for it." I muttered.

"Accoun' for wha'?" He asked.

I actually didn't know what I was talking about, I just wanted to insult Jack in any possible way I could. I shrugged my shoulders in a Harry Potter Puppet Pals Dumbledore fashion, "I dunno."

Frown deepening, he turned his attention back to Barbossa who was watching us with interest, a funny sort of knowing malicious glee in his gaze, "But I suppose I should be thankin' ye, mate. Because if ye 'adn't mutinied an' left me on tha' island ta die, I would 'ave a share in the curse, the same as ye." Jack took another bite of the apple, relishing it temptingly before Babs, whose face hardened, "Funny 'ole world, ain't it?" Jack asked rhetorically, smirking as he did so, offering the apple to Barbossa who sneered it away.

"Captain!" Came the deep, sharp reply from the ever intimidating Bo'sun. It actually shocked me into dropping the apples I had been juggling at the time, "We're comin' up on the Interceptor!"

The freaky deaky monkey leapt from its wooden perch and scurried across the surface of the table making Jack jump in disgust in his seat. Barbossa rose and offered me his arm, and since the guy had a sword I thought it best that I not piss him off at the moment. Good advice to use around barbers and hairstylists, too. Remember that.

On the way out I threw another red apple at Jack, "And get me a green one this time!"

In a fast movement, too fast for me in any case, Jack had grabbed me back, pulling me away from Barbossa (who of course instantly reached for his pistol, silly paranoid man), "Ye migh' want ta rethink ever doin' tha' again, lass." He warned, softly. And for a second I thought, jeeze I just caused Sparrow to snap, but then from up his sleeve he produced a green apple. I grinned as he handed it to me, "Are we all savvy?"

"You're not the Captain on this here boat, Sparrow…" I said tartly, still smiling, "Sorry, sorry, SHIP, sorry."

I turned, and took Barbossa's arm again, "At least not yet."

"Wha' was that?" Barbossa growled back to me.

"Nice net." I clarified, covering my true words, as I pointed to the net leading up to the Crow's Nest.

Barbossa's eyes narrowed as he spun and stalked toward the helm to look through his spyglass.

We followed him up and as Barbossa extended it to see further into the distance, to catch sight of the quickly retreating Interceptor, Jack sprang in front of him.

"I'm 'avin' a thought 'ere, Barbossa!'

Barbossa lowered the spyglass and eyed him warily.

" 'Ow abou' we run up a flag o' truce, I scurry ova ta the Interceptor an' negotiate the return o' yer medallion, eh? Wha' say ye ta tha'?"

"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request?" I offered, shrugging my shoulders unsure.

"Nah, ye see, Jack," Barbossa leered, smiling horrifically, "tha's the attitude tha' lost yeh the Pearl…"

"He didn't lose it," I snapped, "YOU stole it from him."

"Pirate, lass." Barbossa explained with a snarl.

I rolled my eyes, exasperated, "Shut up, yer next!"

"Wha'?"

"Later." I assured him.

He shook his head, choosing instead to ignore me (It's a hard thing ta do…we could USE a ship) which I'll admit was an impressive feat, "People are easy ta search when they're dead!" He slammed shut the periscope, "Lock 'im in the Brig! An' the lass, as well!"

Jack and I both jumped as Bo'sun grabbed us by our shoulders, and guided us down to the bowels of the ship.

"Apparently there's a leak…" Jack commented as we were both pushed roughly into one of the cells with a grunt. Snapping the lock in place, Bo'sun strode away.

Jack and I stared at one another.

Now what?

A sudden rock of the ship threw Sparrow into me, slamming us both against the iron grid walls.

"Apparently," I said, blushing when a grin crept up his face when he refused to move from our position, "you have no sense of personal space."

"Ah, so ye want ta get personal, love, is tha' it?" Jack purred, running a finger across my collar bone.

I gulped dryly, "Umm…you don't, by any chance, have any intention of getting off me, do ya?" I asked, fearfully.

"None." He replied, the grin stretching further still.

Just then another rock of the ship sent him falling to the floor.

"Good!" I bit out, "Because I won't ask you again!"

"I'm not exactly askin' yer permission," He retorted, the grin never slacking, as he rose to his feet with the aid of the wall.

"Oh hell…"


	11. The Brig, Part Un

Disclaimer: I do not own Jack, he does not own me. I do not own Vicki, she'd kick my ass. I don't own Will; once again Vicki would kick my ass if I even tried. So basically I own nothing, except all the lines that aren't in the movie, all the scenes that aren't in the movie, all the characters that aren't in the movie…can you see I'm still kinda pissed about the plagiarism thing? Yeah…getting over it…just making it clear as can be. You mess with our stuff; well…Vicki will kick your ass. (Big grin) Enjoy. Will and Vicki chapters coming up next.

Vicki's Disclaimer: She's right. Ass kicking I will do.

Side note: To those not aware, we finished PH 1 a loooooooooong time ago, like a year ago, so we can't really add anything into it. Sorry!

**Charlie loves Claire**

* * *

"Come on, lass!" Jack groaned, pleadingly.

"For the last and final time, Sparrow…no!" I snapped as I was thrown on top of him by another frisky rock of the ship. I was starting to have suspicions about the ship being alive, as everyone else seemed to speculate, and that it was cavorting solely to Jack's current desires. A genuine grin of wickedness splayed across his face, at our contact.

"Yer actions," he husked, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger, "…would suggest otha wise, love."

"Hey! Don't blame me for your horny ship!" I spat, as I began to get frantic, as the grip of his other hand on my shoulder tightened. "Now, just take a well learned lesson from D.A.R.E. and get it through your screwed up mind that 'no' means 'NO'!" By the time I was finished with my little speech on denying drugs and premarital sex, I was breathing a little harder than I would have liked to be, considering my momentary top position in 'Not Good Scenarios For A Young Lady To Find Herself In'.

While I had ranted Jack's expression had grown solemn and serious, his fingers stopping their teasing game with my hair. After a moment of silence he continued to twist it around his fingers, "Ta speak 'onestly, love…" He began.

"Hah!" I snorted.

"Shut up, lass." Jack said, eyeing me, seeing if I would go against him as I usually did and speak up. Oddly enough, I found myself obeying. Don't know why I did that. "Now…ta speak 'onestly, I 'ave no idea wha' the 'ell tha' 'hole speech was abou'; although I did catch somethin' about me ship an' dares. Despite this, wha' I found most interestin', an' I think ye'll agree,… is that tha' litt'l 'no' of yers sounded like a mighty 'yes', considerin' ye've yet ta get off me."

For a minute, a full minute, the words made no sense to me. Then I understood what he was saying and I stiffened like a block of wood. In the next second I had leapt off him. Jack laughed as I scrambled to the opposite side of the cell. Pushing himself off the floor faster than a supposedly constantly inebriated pirate had any right to, he followed me, backing me into a corner.

I didn't think I could do this for much longer.

"Okay…let's say for a second you're not totally mental," I stammered lightly, as he lightly placed two intimidating hands on either side of me. His arms creating another brig around me, "And I did like you…Heck! Over the moon, mad like a dog in wild love with you…"

"Impressive…" He observed, tilting his head a mite.

"…Hey! When I'm talking, you're listening!"

"Righ'. Pardons."

"So…just say if," I licked my lips nervously, which I shouldn't have done since it caught Jack's interest, but…hell my mouth had suddenly gone dry, "…IF, it would not be NOW that I'd jump your bones, alright!"

"Wha' exactly are ye waitin' for, lass?" He asked, his face giving off a tint of one utterly baffled by my reasoning.

The phrase struck me as funny at the time because of the irony, and I had to say it:

"The Opportune Moment."

Jack sputtered choking back a guffaw at the sentiment, "Lass, look around! We're locked in the damned Brig! Trust me, is'not goin' ta get anymore opportune than this."

WHIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR-BAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!

Jack covered me as a cannon ball rammed through the wall, sending wooden planks sailing.

"Bleedin' idiots." Jack muttered, once the debris had settled. "Ye alrigh' there, lass?" He asked me.

"Yeah, uh huh…" I murmured distractedly, "Five by five, babe…"

"Hell an' an 'andsaw!" I was interrupted by the burning curse, as Jack caught sight of the massive hole in the side of the wall. Marching forward, he yelled out, "STOP BLOWIN' 'OLES IN MY SHIP!"

Running a hand through his scraggly dreads he turned to view me, bent over, clutching my sides, convulsing with deadly laughter. I hadn't thought the line would phase me since I was so used to it by now, after having seem my fair share of the film, but…that's when the hilariousity hits you the most, when you least expect it.

"Ye know I don't think I ever made it a point ta ask, bu' just wha' is WRONG with' ye, gel? Too much sun? Where ye perhaps dropped on ye 'ead a few too many times as a babe? Any reason a'tall fer all this?"

My raspy laughter continued as I tried to speak, "Ohhhhhhh man!" I tried to hold it in, but the next bark of laughter exploded from my lips, "The movie…(HA HA HA HOLY SHIT) doesn't compare…(JIMMENY CRICKETS HA HA HA HA OH MY GOD!)…to seeing you (a big breath and then hey, since I didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon….more laughter)…say it! Oh, oh, oh, I'm dying…I see a bright light….and Johnny Depp…oh WAIT that's just YOU!"

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose while he rolled his eyes AND muttered something under his breath. Take that, Vicki, my man can multi-task so…BOO YAH! Looking down he caught sight of Mr. Gibbs's bottle of spirits used for ammunition in the bloody battle.

"Ah, I knew it! There is a God, an' 'ee's a drinker!" He exclaimed overjoyed, as he picked it up and turned it upside down.

"It's empty." I informed him.

He slowly lowered the flask and turned to glower hotly at me, "I hate ye…" He growled.

"The flask may be empty, but the door on the other hand," I said, pointing to the steel cage door that had been blasted through, "is conveniently unlocked. So what do you say, Sparrow? We gonna get out of this stinkin' brig…or would you rather sulk some more?"

Jack ignored my sarcasm and approached the door cautiously, as if he expected it to chew his arm off. Tenderly he pushed it open and began to grin, as it swung out.

Turning back to me he declared, "I love ye, lass!"

"Fickle little bugger, aren't ya?" I asked smirking, arms crossed over my chest in a "Mother knows best" pose. Except I had no wish to be Sparrow's mother; one, because she was either a) Dead, b) Running a Brothel, or two, because that would just be plain nasty. (To all those who know me…being attracted to men twice or three times my age is not nasty! So just shudup.)

"Yeh!" He grunted, seizing my wrist and dragging me out of the cell with him, "Come on, now!"

"So what's the plan, oh mighty hottie?" I asked stupidly, hardly paying attention as we flittered from one shadowed corner to another.

"Wha' did ye call me? Ye callin' me out? 'Cause I'll take yowt, lass…no ways barred, no one calls me out." He threatened.

"Chill-lax bro, I wasn't calling anything out…I called you a…" To tell him I thought he was hot as in I was wildly attracted to him would only serve to inflate his ego, which he didn't need, "…a mighty Scottie."

"I'm no' Scottish…tha' would be Miss Fraser." He protested.

"I know…now shut up and tell me the plan."

"Eh…I don't 'ave one." He grinned, pulling me through the bowels of the ship, "I thought I'd just fool around an' see wha 'appens."

"Is this how you conduct all of your adventures?" I asked incredulously, as he pulled us behind a thick beam stay, hiding us in the darkness.

"Sort of…Yeh. All o' 'em." He confessed.

I took time to actually marvel at him in complete and unbridled awe, "You are definitely the best pirate I've ever seen." I breathed. "I suck at improv."

He raised a brow, in what could have been taken as an expression of flattery, " 'Ow many 'ave ye seen?"

I paused.

"Well, technically you're my first…but I mean compared to Barbossa, no competition." I assured him.

"Aye, well then ye've touched me 'eart, lass…" He murmured distractedly, peeking around the corner to see if the coast was clear, "Alrigh' this is makin' me sick…"

"HEY! Fine, that's the last time I ever try to engage you in a serious conversation." I pouted.

"Lass, love, now's not the time…an' besides serious conversations are borin'." He argued back.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Well, can't argue with you there."

"Good." He replied succinctly, as he grasped my arm and pulled me along again. "Now, I 'ave a plan."

"Let me guess," I panted as I tried to keep pace, "you plan to go over there and get the medallion, return Gibbs's flask to him, and uh…be insulted insanely by Barbossa in the process? Am I close?"

Footsteps sounded in front of us, and spinning me the other direction he pushed me into another corner, following close behind. We waited until the brute had passed, until we spoke again, "Well, yes but withou' the insults if possible. An' wha' will ye be entertainin' yerself with while I go galivantin' off?"

"I'll be here and ya know…there…" I waved my hand around to clarify, "…Around. Oooooh hey!" I exclaimed, perking up at the prospect, "How about I go and make fun of Barbossa? FUN!"

"I disapprove o' tha' ridiculously shtupid idea. Yer daft if ye think 'ee wouldn't throw yah overboard just fer lookin' at 'im."

"Daft? DAFT LIKE JACK!"

I was pressed against the wood of the boat as Sparrow's hand clamped down over my mouth. He leaned down, so that I looked him in the eye, "Aye, ye be daft. Daft enough ta get us found an' gutted with yer gibberin'. Now," He said sternly, "I'm goin' ta take my 'and away an' ye'll shut yer gob, a'righ'?"

I nodded.

His hand slowly lifted from my mouth.

I opened my lips…

His hand slammed back down.

"Wha' did I just tell ye! Wha' ye be openin' yer mouth for? We 'ad an accord an' ye were just goin' ta…"

I sneezed.

"…blow ye nose all on me 'and." He finished dryly, as he took his hand away with no small amount of disgust written plainly on his features.

I sniffed pathetically, "I was trying to warn you, you monkey face!" I smacked him on the arm.

He wiped his hand on my shirt.

"Gross! You butt monkey!" I yelled, wiping the nose residue from me with a shriek.

"Stop sayin' 'monkey'!" He shouted, "I keep thinkin' it's tha' bleedin' African safari beast Barbossa 'as for a pet!"

"MONKEY!" I screamed, pointing a trembling finger behind him, a fearful expression on my face.

Jack spun around in a moment of dazed confusion and fright like a total wuss, knees-a-knockin' and the whole enchilada, as I made a break for the door in the other direction and up to the deck.

Needless to say Jack hurried after me when he realized there was no monkey there. Ha ha, I'm smarter than Jack.

"Wha' do ye think yer doin', woman!" He asked angrily, when he finally caught up, snagging on my arm, pulling me back.

"Conducting an adventure your way, Sparrow." I told him, "Now, go do the rescuing thing you're so good at and I'll distract Barbossa."

"An' 'ow do ye plan ta do tha'?" He asked, mocking me.

"I'll…ya know…be me."

Jack paused as if in deep thought.

"Well, tha' sure as the Devil's 'ell will work. Hop to, lass. I'm off!"

When Jack wants to go…he's gone, baby.

I walked around as pirates hurried to and fro, hither and thither. No one paid any attention to me, for the more than obvious reason that they were locked in a grueling battle. While probably the smartest thing to have done was to keep quiet…it just wouldn't do.

"OH BABS!" I sang.

Now all eyes were on me. Yes.

"Take a picture boys, it'll last longer and it won't kick your ass!" I waved merrily, striking a pose. I blew them sloppy kisses. Okay, now they just looked plain scared. You all think they were scurrying over to the Interceptor to follow Babs's orders, nope…they were running from me.

"OHHHHHHHH BABS, WHERE ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU?"

A roar of fury broke through the sound of cannon fire and curses.

"Oh, there you are!" I shouted happily, prancing over to him.

" Wha' the…!" He all but screamed seeing me, "Why aren't ya in the Brig, where's I put yer pathetic carcass?"

"It didn't go with my outfit." I said innocently, "Oh yeah, and Jack broke us out."

"Damn Sparrow!" He bellowed, "Damn tha' man!"

"Yep, he's a pistol, alright." I chirped enthusiastically in agreement, "So…" I tried, spanning the horizon, or what little I could see of one through the smoke of burnt and broken ship parts, "we're having a battle, huh?" I asked.

"Aye." He grunted, his attention on other things.

"Ya know this may just be me but why must there always be violence? Let's sing a song instead, why don't we?"

" 'Ow's about ye shut up!"

"Too late." I warned and took a deep breath and sang, "_WAR, HUH, YEAH! What is it GOO-UH-D for? Absolutely NOTHIN'! Listen ta me! YAAAAAAAAAHH!"_ All we needed was Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan to make this perfect.

Barbossa yanked me to him sharply by my hair, making my fake song scream turn into a full, 'Little sister/brother just pulled all my hair out scream'. "Silence tha' tongue of yers gel, or 'ave it ripped from ye!" He threatened darkly, then pushed me forward roughly, dirty hands still twisted painfully in my hair, causing me to be winded when the railing met with my middle.

"Do what you want, mate…" I managed to groan, feeling as if one of my ribs had just cleanly popped out of my chest, "…but watch the hair."

"Yer one more curse than we need aboard this 'ere ship, lass. Be mindful o' wha' ye say, before it lands ye inta the sea. Yeh an' the worthless Sparrow cease ta amuse."

"That's impossible. He's frockin' hilarious!" I exclaimed, hissing in a grimace.

Jerking my hair again, I bit back a sharp cry, determined not to give someone like ol' Babs the satisfaction of hearing it, "Let's watch an' find ou'." He grinned evilly, forcing me to look over at the Interceptor where the battle raged.

I spotted Jack with some trouble, as he was making his was toward Elizabeth and caught sight of me. I attempted a little wave, "Yo my dog, just chillin' with the villain here!" I called, jerking my thumb at Barbossa.

With a growl Barbossa released my hair, throwing me backwards a few yards and shouted, "Fire!"

The double ended cannons flew straight and true, breaking apart the Interceptor's mast as one would break a twig…or a very skinny model.

"TIMBER!" I shouted, as I rejoined Barbossa. You might think I'm a glutton for punishment, but I don't go for the whole sadist/masochist thing, so here's the reason I did that. The broken splintered mast fell, and the large gaping hole of one of its sails proved the best shelter in which to stand. See…pure survival instincts.

"DUDE!" I cried, "I have ALWAYS wanted to DO that!" I then proceeded to do somewhat of a hindered Irish jig, considering my ribs were bruised from here to Sunday. I must have looked pretty foolish, or else Barabossa wouldn't have smirked something dreadful at the sight of me.

"Ah HA!" I exclaimed in victorious triumph, pointing at him, "I made you SMILE, I still amuse!"

"Now ye don't." He growled, creepy grin immediately disappearing from sight, as he pushed me roughly into Bo'sun's arms.

I just caught sight of Jack scurrying over to the Pearl, following that crazy monkey, before Bo'sun tossed me to Pintel.

"Take 'er."

"What is this Hot Potato? Get off me! I'm not your paddle ball of entertainment, get the frick off I said!"

Jack's hand reached out…too late.

"Why thank ye, Jack." The oozing maliciousness in Barbossa's being slid out in a purr in that one sentence.

"Yer welcome." Jack at least tried to save face by smiling.

"Oh, not ye…we named the monkey Jack." Eerily both the said monkey and Barbossa's face twisted into the same sickening expression. Talk about just wrong.

"He's cute." I piped up.

Barbossa stroked the animal gently, "I know."

Pause, "Not lookin' at your side show, mate. I was talking about the Jack that is anatomically correct."

Barbossa's lip curled in unnatural distaste, and he turned to his crew with a bellow of, "Gents, our hope is restored!"

The rest of the crew of the Interceptor was now being brought on board with a struggling Elizabeth. Has anyone else noticed that when she screams she sounds like that possessed corpse monkey? Seriously, I had to cover my ears. Should've used her during the wars as the air raid alarm system, no joke. At least now Vicki and I could make fun of Barbossa together, and I wouldn't be pushed around so much.

I waited patiently for her face to emerge from those who were being prodded and pulled onto the ship. My hands slowly went cold and numb as I pried away Pintel's hands.

"Vicki?" I called.

She wasn't there.

"Vicki?" My voice quavered on the point of panic, as I slapped away Pintel as he tried to keep a steady grip on me.

Of course she wasn't there.

"Vicki!" I screamed, racing to the edge of the railing.

"Shut up." Barbossa threatened and pushed me violently back sending me straight into Pintel again, "Find 'er a gag an' make sure there tain't no way she can remove it." He ordered.

"You…SUCKY-COMMODORE-WANNBE !" I shrieked, fighting teeth and nails as Pintel slammed me up against the mast with the rest of the Interceptor's crew, squashed right between Anna Maria and Gibbs. He bound us tightly with a thick piece of coarse rope.

My mind stalled and then jumpstarted again to race wildly in my head. While in all possibility Vicki could have escaped from the ship with Will, it was not certain. What if she hadn't made it? I mean this wasn't a movie for Christ's sake! She could actually die…Those two words didn't go together well…they wouldn't connect for me…she can't die…she's the Vickster Vicker…she's immortal…

But that still didn't change the fact that even with all my hopes and prayers, I could be wrong.

"If one of ye even thinks the word, 'Parle', I'll 'ave yer guts for garters." Pintel threatened, quite effectively as he circled us like a vulture.

Not quite effectively enough though, I'm afraid.

"Parle." I growled quietly.

Jack sent me a sharp look, "Lass…" He warned.

"PARLE." I continued, "Par-FUCK-YOU-le!" I raged, straining against the ropes.

Pintel's eyes went wild and before I knew what had happened he had slapped me brusquely, knocking my head against Gibbs. Jack made some brisk movement as if he were going to propel himself forward and beat the snot out of him. Either he realized how stupid an action that would be or he was being detained, all I know is he was stilled by fifty pairs of pirate hands. Poor old Gibbs, I have a hard head…wait a minute forget about the pig-sleeper and focus on me…I was in a torrent of pain, having never been hit before in my life. I couldn't even put a hand to my cheek to calm the sting, since my hands were bound to my sides.

"Quiet, bloody wench."

Knocking around the block of an already disturbed girl doesn't make things any better, let me tell you. I began yowling and spitting curses like a cat, "ASS BASTARD!...#$&!...MASSIVE SHIT HEAD..!"

Pintel raised his hand high as though to swipe at me again and two important things happened at the same time. Elizabeth slipped from her bindings (of course she's THIN enough, cause I sure as hell couldn't budge), then the Interceptor blew to the sky, the thunder like sound of its untimely destruction deafening me.

Elizabeth stopped short and my curses were swallowed by the sound. As the debris fluttered back down into the churning waves only one thought filled my mind. I wasn't thinking about my bruised face, or the red lines of irritation that the coarse rope was raising on my arms.

I was thinking about Vicki, Vicki…who could always make me laugh even if we were about to die…Vicki, who could put on the best Jack Sparrow's niece voice I had ever heard…Vicki, whose beloved Will had better resurface with her or else I would kill him.

Here's hoping, Vicki, that your obsessive nature keeps you well and alive.

* * *

Leanan Sidhe: Well, coming up is Vicki and Will in their version of mine and Sparrow's brig time (whoo boy) and then it's me, Elizabeth, and Jack on an island, and no it's not the LOST island (No Dom) so Vicki can't come. Good lord, we're nearly done with this story. Nearly.

* * *

_Lyrics from Rush Hour, don't know the name of the song._


	12. The Brig, Part Deux

Another disclaimer: Vicki's chappie…enjoy all ye Turner fans out there, we can assure you you'll love this…and for the Jack fans….well get over it, he's not in this chapter…what am I his marriage counselor, go talk to him yourself BULLWINKLE! (Laughs) No, really though he's coming back; just went to the little boys room…and when he returns we go to the Island…and maybe all who have been hoping so desperately for a little action from both sides of the story might get it in these up and coming chapters. So read, review, praise, worship, adore, and um…eat your GREENS and drink your milk kiddies! Without any further, well whatever you'd like to call them…shenanigans or what…here are a few words from Vicki (in a Slightly voice) Brace yerself, lads!

* * *

The next second the water rose to our mouths. We looked at each other, breathed in deeply, and plunged under. He grabbed my hand and I opened my eyes. The light was coming in through the water in a serene glow, and as he pulled me, trying to find a way out I tried to thing of something good to take my mind off the danger.

He'd kissed me! Maybe only on the forehead for a second, but it was still wonderful. I looked at Will, who was trying to kick at a small hole in the hull where the water was coming in. He managed to widen it a bit more, but after that it didn't anymore. I made a move to help him but I heard a huge explosion behind me. The brig exploded behind me and Will and I were propelled through the water.

I closed my eyes and tried to hold on tight to his hand. The water was pummeling down on me from all directions. It lasted a moment longer before the waters calmed and I swam up to the surface. The first breath of air was the best feeling I'd ever felt. I slowly opened my eyes to the harsh sunlight, and watched as Will popped up in front of me.

"Are you…alright…Ms. Fraser?" Will gasped, trying to catch his breath.

"Yes…I'm fine, Will." I answered, wincing a bit at the pain in my arm, which had doubled. Will swam over to me and grabbed my other arm, beckoning me to swim to the Pearl with him.

After what seemed like a long swim, when you're exhausted and in pain, or in my case burning EXTREME pain, we reached the Pearl. Will and I scrambled up the side rope ladder and reached the top. Will before me.

"Barbossa!" Will called out for him. I jumped over the side and was quickly seized by a pair of hands. It was Bo'sun.

"Hey, watch the battle wound!" I told him. He only "Grrrred" at me.

"She goes free!" Will said. His face had a look of deep determination on it. Barbossa stepped forward.

"Wha's in yer head boy? An' who is this?" He asked looking at me.

"Ms. Fraser to you, Captain!" I spat at him.

"She goes free!" Will told him, indicating me this time, instead of Liz. He pointed his pistol to Barbossa.

"Ye've only got one shot and we can't die." He smirked. I was forcefully shoved over to Kohl, who was also holding Jack.

"Don't do anythin' stupid." Jack pleaded to Will.

"Hey, Jack! Did'ya miss me?" I asked. Jack looked at me, "Oh, 'ello, Victoria. Oh…ah yes…tremendously." I looked back at Will.

"You can't…" he said, then put the gun at his own head, "I can."

"Like tha'." Jack murmured in disappointment next to me.

"Who are ye?" Asked a very bewildered looking Barbossa.

"No one," Jack answered, rushing forward to intercept Barbossa, "He's no one…a distant cousin o' my aunt's nephew twice removed…lovely singing voice, though – Eunuch!" He finished, pointing back at Will. I growled and tried to lunge forward but Kohl stopped me.

"My name is Will Turner, my father was Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood runs in my veins!" I heard Ragetti behind me…

"He's the spittin' image o' ol' Bootstrap Bill, come back ta 'aunt us!"

"On my word do as I say or I'll pull the trigger and be lost to Davvy Jones locker!" I was a little uneasy at this idea, but I managed to contain myself.

"Name yer terms, Mr. Turner."

"Elizabeth goes free!"

"Yes, we know tha' one. Anythin' else?" I smiled big, trying to get Will to notice me. Apparently Jack thought the same as he pointed to himself.

"And the crew…the crew are not to be harmed."

"Is tha' it?" Barbossa asked. I widened my eyes. Surely he hadn't forgotten me!

"And of course Ms. Fraser will be freed." FINALLY!

"No, I think we'll be keepin' Ms. Fraser." Barbossa purred.

"What! What the hell! Let me go you jackass!" I cried. Barbossa looked and me and growled.

Uh-oh.

* * *

"Barbossa, you lying bastard! You swore she'd go free!" Will cried out, struggling to escape his captors as Elizabeth was forced to walk the plank. Ooooo! The triumphant return of Fiesty-Pants McHott!

"Don't ye dare impugn me honor, boy! I agreed she'd go free but it'was ye who failed ta specify when or where!"

"Well…why do you need Ms. Fraser! She's done nothing to you! Let her go!" Will cried. I tried not to blush, but I failed horribly.

"We're keepin' 'er, boy, because yeh seem a bit partial to 'er…an' we can't go givin' ye everythin'!" Barbossa laughed, the crew joining him quickly.

"And just why is Rachel going with them, again?" I asked, fairly puzzled by this.

" Cause they're not ready for my jelly, I'm too BOOTYLICIOUS for them, baby!"

"Ewww, Rachel, that wasn't necessary!" I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"Watch that tongue, lass!" Barbossa shouted at her, then turned back to me and explained, "She's tryin' my last nerves, as it'is, tha' an' it seems only righ' tha' ye should never 'ave the opportunity ta see one another again an' cause even more trouble than ye already 'ave."

"Wow, you've really thought this one out, haven't you, Babs?" Rachel asked.

"Shut yer filthy mouth, wretch! An' stop callin' me tha'!" Barbossa barked harshly. Rachel had enough smarts to remain quiet that time.

Elizabeth stood hesitantly on the wooden planks that were held high over the waters, Jack and Rachel were lined up in front of the gangplank, awaiting their turn. I caught Rachel winking at me, a bit jealous of the drunken fun she was about to have. Barbossa took a few steps closer to the gangplank.

"Though it does seem a shame ta lose somethin' so fine, don't it lads?" He commented to his brutes, his eyes raking over Elizabeth, still poised on the plank. The crew grunted their agreements and Elizabeth turned back, a look of faint hope and suspicion in her face.

"So…I'll be havin' tha' dress back before ye go." The crew laughed at poor Liz. Oh no…I said "POOR LIZ"!

"I always liked ye." Jack murmured to Kohl, who grunted threateningly at him. I could smell his breath from where I stood. Being undead is no excuse for breath that foul.

"Excuse me, Kohl, sir. There is a little thing where I come from. It's called a Tic-Tac. Altoid? WINTERFRESh! Anything! Oh god!"

Elizabeth threw the dark scarlet dress at Barbossa, "Goes with your black heart." She spat.

Barbossa held it up to his cheek, "Ooh, it's still warm!"

Elizabeth turned o her heel and strode, head held high, to the middle of the gangplank.

"Off ye go! Come on!" Pintel called out to her. Kohl began to push me towards the ladder to the brig, and as he was no longer holding Jack as well, he was a bit gruffer with his pushes.

"Hey watch it, Bud!" I said. I then heard Bo'sun's "Too long!" and heard Elizabeth's splash as she hit the water. Will looked worried. I knew he cared for her just by the look on his face. I wanted to hug him and make him smile, anything to rid him of that face.

"Will, she'll be.." I began, but Kohl quickly shoved a rage into my mouth as he did Will's. I tried not to think of where the rag had been as I watched the pirate holding Will do that little ear-whisper thing while touching his neck. I made a move to throw Kohl off me but his grip was too tight. I struggled for a few moments, rage in my eyes but gave up when Kohl forced me down the ladder. He threw me into a cell and to my delight and unsurity, threw Will in after me and locked the door. Jack's crew were all thrown into the cell in front of us, the door also slammed shut.

We all sat in silence for a long time. I knew that I at least had nothing to say. I looked at the crew, they were all bruised and down-trodden. Anamaria looked at her hands, which sat in her lap. Gibbs's shirt was torn. We were a ragged army. I looked down at my own wounded arm. A happy ending seemed so impossible now – Now that I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

The cut looked a little green though it was probably just my own paranoid brain thinking. Will followed my gaze to my arm. His eyes grew wide as he saw the cut and he suddenly jumped to his feet as if his energy had just been returned to him.

"Hey! Hey! I know you can hear me! Ms. Fraser needs bandages for her arm, now!" Nothing came of his outburst for a few minutes, but soon Pintel and Ragetti were before us. Ragetti holding a wad of cloth and a mop, and Pintel a bucket full of chunky black liquid. Ragetti threw the cloth into the cell and it unrolled, landing a few inches in front of my outstretched feet. A dark stain was on the was on the worn cloth, most likely from its previous user.

"Is that the best you can do?" Will asked them.

"Ey! Listen. This ain't the royal treatment!" Pintel answered him, teeth bared. Will sat down and tore a strip of cloth off the bottom of his shirt. He made a move to apply it but I snatched it from him and wound it around my arm myself. I couldn't let myself believe that he'd be with me anymore. It was time to face reality. Ragetti began to mop the floor and Will got up to lean against the cell door.

"What IS that stuff, anyway?" I asked Ragetti. He turned to look and me and smiled.

"Secret recipe." I made a face and he continued on with his work. I watched as Will darted his dark eyes from the floor to Pintel.

"You knew William Turner?" he asked. I really wanted to stop him. He was hurt enough and I couldn't stand to see him get hurt anymore.

"Will, please, don't do this to yourself." I pleaded.

"I need to know this." He told me without turning around.

"Ole' Bootstrap Bill? We knew 'im. Never sat right with Bootstrap wha' the Captain did ta Jack, the mutiny an' all. Tha's why he sent off a piece o' the treasure to ye, as it were. He thought we should be cursed an' remain cursed." As usual Ragetti had a follow up.

"Stupid blighter."

"Good man." Gibbs vouched firmly. Will straightened up a little higher with Gibbs's comment.

"But as yeh can imagine, tha' didn't sit too well wif the Captain."

"Tha' didn't sit well at all…tell 'im wha Barbossa did!" Ragetti said quietly. Pintel immediately snapped at him, causing him to withdraw himself slightly.

"I'm tellin' the story! So…wha' Barbossa did then…he strapped a cannon to Bootstrap's bootstraps…"

"Bootstrap's bootstraps…" Ragetti murmured in a twisted giggle.

"Is there an echo in here?" I asked. Pintel continued.

"An' last we saw of Ole' Boostrap…he was sinking into the crushing black oblivion of Davvy Jones Locker! 'Course it was only after that we knew we needed his blood ta lift the curse."

"Now that's what ye call ironic." Ragetti interjected. The two laughed at the pun.

"Actually that's what you call stupid!" I added. They both stared at me, but finally went back to their work. Will stood a moment longer before sitting back down next me.

"Are you all right, Ms. Fraser?" He asked.

"Yes, Will." I said, my back turning slightly away from him.

"Are you sure?" You've been so withdrawn from me lately."

I sighed. Why was he doing this?

"Will…" I breathed, "I like you. And not in that buddy kind of way. I fell in love with you. But you love Elizabeth. You're going to spend the rest of your life with her and I'm happy for you. I just can't help being sad for myself." I breathed a sigh of relief as I finished. It was good to get it off my chest. Will narrowed his brow and looked down at his lap.

"How do you know that I'm in love with Elizabeth?"

"Because, Will. You almost kissed down in the brig when you were bandaging her hand." Will looked at me and again I felt his eyes boring into me.

"One, I never almost kissed Elizabeth. And two, can't a man be drawn to two women?"

I tried to choke back a sob. All of a sudden a million emotions came flooding into me. A few tears fell down my face.

"Please don't cry, Ms. Fraser. Not because of me." Will said, rubbing the tears away with the pad of his thumb. I stopped crying.

"Will…I think it's time you called me Victoria." The words only had enough time to leave my mouth before his lips met mine. The tears came down again and I could taste them on my tongue as he parted my lips with his own. I breathed heavily into his mouth and I felt his hand on the back of my head, pushing me closer to him. I heard Pintel utter something lewd and Gibbs saying something like, "Give them a momen'", but nothing registered. I was lost within myself. I found myself a bit surprised at the passion in the kiss. It wasn't that I expected Will to be a bad kisser, but he was more forceful than I imagined.

I finally broke away from Will when I heard footsteps coming down the ladder. I caught my breath and stared at Will, the shock of what had just happened pouring over me. He broke our gaze when Barbossa threw his keys at Ragetti.

"Bring 'em." Our cell was opened and Ragetti grabbed me, Pintel, Will.

* * *

The row to the caves was slow and Will and I were put in separate boats. As soon as we got there Will was pulled sharply from his boat while Pintel once again had the honor of man-handling me. I was a little less than happy at being back on the Isla de Muerta and I was exhausted. The night sky was dotted with stars and I felt a great urge to jump into the sea and let it drift me away. I was so tired. Ragetti walked beside us and as we neared Will he tried to lighten the mood.

"Don't worry, just a prick o' the finger, a few drops o' blood…" but the pirate holding Will (Twiggy) obviously did not agree with this.

"No mistakes this time. He's only 'alf Turner…we spill it all!" I gulped. That didn't bring a pleasant picture to mind.

"Guess there is reason to worry!" Pintel said. I glared at him.

"Sorry…Miss. 'Nuttin' ta be done 'bout it now. Just close yer eyes, it'll only be a moment. Better cover yer ears too. People 'ave a tendency ta scream."

"That doesn't help!" I yelled. Will turned around slowly and looked at me. His face showed little fear, surprisingly, as I would be shaking like a shaking stick.

"Don't worry, Victoria. It'll be alright. I promise." I knew he was right, bur somehow all other thoughts flew out of my head as I heard him say my name for the first time. I silently hoped to GOD that it wouldn't be the last. Barbossa led Will up a path carved in a rather large pile of gold and viciously shoved his head down towards the chest. Will's eyes flicked to mine and he smiled sweetly before Barbossa forced him to stare down at the chest.

Barbossa brought the carved knife up to Will's throat, and began to speak. I gulped.

"Begun by blood…"

* * *


	13. RACHEL'S Favorite Chapter

Once again…a blasted disclaimer: (claps hands together heartily) Well my little pretties, are you ready for things to finally heat up? Well with a sun-stroked island to toil countless hours away on, and the pyre of rum soon to be set aflame this chapter is insured to give you more heat than you can handle, baby! With a discussion about bikini's, the reappearance of a gag wielding officer (he's really just an old sweetie) and the rescue of the century you've got your work set out for you so… Up and at 'em!

* * *

Life…

Life could not get any better than this.

I was wet.

Sparrow was wet.

And we were both marooned on a beautiful island, in the middle of the jewel-like Caribbean waters. Yep, this was the life…

Oh…and Elizabeth was there as well.

Shoot.

Elizabeth and I trudged up the sand bank, our skirts clinging to our legs uncomfortably, and the thick multitude of sand hampering our steps. Jack followed behind at a more despondent pace. Bitterly he turned to view the Pearl ride away on a breath of humid, spicy wind.  
"Tha's the second time I've 'ad ta watch tha' man sail away with my ship."

We all took time to pause and respect the enormity of such a weight of knowledge. For Jack, it must have seemed he was back to square one. I walked over and laid a comforting hand on his back, trying to lend any small amount of aid to him.

"I'm sorry, Jack." Elizabeth mourned, in a tone that suggested she could not imagine his pain and that she could think of nothing more to say that would help. You and me both, sistah.

He shrugged my hand off with sudden coldness, and turned and walked up to the shade of the trees, leaving Elizabeth and me alone on the shore to stew in each others presence.

"He's not taking it very well…is he?" Elizabeth fretted softly.

My eyes followed Sparrow as he took off his boots to let them dry in the sun. "How would you feel…if your home was stolen from you?" I said simply.

We were silent.

Suddenly Elizabeth started, as if shaking herself out of some deep inner musing, "Listen, I know we're having a moment but who are you?"

Jeeze, that was right. Elizabeth hadn't seen me for half the movie…or whatever this was now.

I put my hand forward. I was getting used to introducing myself in this brisk way, "Rachel's my name and being wickedly random is my game. Wanted in all fifty states, including Alaska (butohwaitnevermindyoudon'tneedtoknowthatyetboingdingcheckplease). Also known about the world as Jack Sparrow's Bonny Lass…or ya know…one of 'em." I admitted this fact sadly.

"Oh…" Her utter horror at such a thing showed clearly on her face, as she took a cautious step away from me.

"Oh no!" I laughed, "Not THAT bonny." I reassured her hastily.

"Well then…" Elizabeth reached her hand forward smiling, greatly relieved, "Elizabeth Swann."

I shook her hand, "Would you believe me if I told you I already knew that?" I asked, grinning.

"How is that possible?"

"Long story short…I'm a gypsy and I lead the Romany life, thus I apparently know everything, or so I like to think."

"Oh…wait…yes! I remember you now!" She exclaimed, grabbing a hold of my arm now in the spirit of enthusiasm, "You were the girl on the docks that day in Port Royal!"

Oooh not one of the best moments to have met me. I hadn't been exactly polite during the whole attempt at arresting me thing. "Yep. That was me."

"You gave Norrington the slip!" She whispered conspiritally, her smile growing with each passing second. Nothing meant against Vicki, but hell this girl was hard to dislike. So sorry, Vick, looks like I won't be throwing Liz to the sharks anytime soon, even if it could give you free dibs on Turner. She's just too darn likeable, dernit!

"Yeah…" I grinned in pride just recollecting that morning, as we began to walk up the beach toward Jack.

"Ugh…I feel wretched." Elizabeth moaned in agony, trying to un-stick the cloth of her under dress from her legs.

"Why don't you walk around a bit and dry off? You know, take in the sights. Look around the surroundings, see how big this place is." I suggested.

She nodded gratefully for the advice, "I suppose we should know as much as we can about this place; we might be here for a while. Very well then, I'm off. You'll be safe with him?" She asked, shooting a wary glance at Sparrow still further up on the sand.

I shrugged my shoulders in a universal 'it's no big deal' gesture, "Oh yeah…he's as gentle as a lamb."

"Or a wolf dressed as one." She muttered still unconvinced.

"Even better." I smiled.

"Be careful all the same." She offered up, squeezing my arm firmly in worry. Then turning with squared shoulders, she took off in the other direction counting the number of times her feet touched the ground. She was going to measure the island by feet? That girl had stamina.

I, however, made my way up to the area where the trees began and stalked right past Jack. Let's just say I was still a bit stung by his more than obvious brush off of my offered affection.

Throwing a look over my shoulder to make absolutely certain Sparrow was otherwise occupied, I shed the amber over top that covered my form fitting black spaghetti strap shirt, and hung it up on the ruffled bark of a palm tree, baring my shoulders to the intense light of the sun. I bent down to unzip my black combat boots (lord knows they probably smelled to high heaven by now) to also let them dry. Setting one beside the other, I stood and all but choked on my own tongue when I felt a warm, solid presence at my back.

"Ye know…this…" Came the deep slurred purr in the shell of my ear, as roughened fingers grazed the skin on my shoulder lightly, "…could be seen by some as an invitation."

"You know, it's funny," I chortled nervously, and gulping in rising panic as he continued the slow, lazy, sensuous play of his fingers on my skin. I felt my eye-lids droop in the tell tale sure sign I was in real trouble here, "where I come from we call it 'getting dry'."

A dangerously amused chuckle resonated in my ear, sending me shuddering, "Yeh Italians 'ave a funny way o' dryin' yerselves." I felt him smile stealthily against my swiftly drying hair, as he admitted in a whisper that made my heart hammer away at my temples, "I like it."

I must have been practically leaning against him now.

"Wha' other quaint litt'l customs do they 'ave in Italy?" He asked, the hand upon my shoulder raising goose bumps as it ran down the back of my arm, halting at the lower expanse of my back, and then curling around my waist firmly.

My body very possibly could have taken over at this point, but fortunately (or unfortunately as you may consider it) my mind was working twice the speed it normally did, and it was no fool. What was he playing at? Not five minutes ago he was all in a huff about you touching him and now he wants to start this up… my mind, ah, the ever source of all that is most likely true, was right. I didn't feel in the mood for his antics and besides for all I knew maybe being stranded on islands made him twice as horny as usual and twice as fast too.

My lips quirked upwards in a hesitant smile, "Wanna know a secret?" I asked placing my hand over his…

"This is a rather awkward position…" I removed his arm delicately and turned to face him, "and I'm not really from Italy. Actually, the closest I've ever gotten to that place was The Italian Job and Under the Tuscan Sun." Then flashing him a blinding cheery channel four news smile, I ducked under his arm and walked back to the shore line where his boots were.

A few seconds was all it took for him to catch up to me, sputtering in disbelief, "Wha' d'ye mean yer not from Italy? Ye told me yeh were!"

"Gypsy. I lied."

Sparrow gave a growl of frustration, as I plopped down on the sand, and in a following furious silence, did the same.

"So where are ye from, then? Or are ye just goin' ta continue lyin' through yer teeth ta me?" He asked finally, with a bite of irritation in his voice.

I picked up a handful of sand and let it fall through my fingers, "We've been over this, Sparrow. I'm from the future."

"Yeah, an' I didn't believe ye."

"You should."

And that was that.

Or so I thought.

"Yeh got any proof?" He inquired slyly.

"What?"

"Ye know," He added impatiently, "proof that yer from 'nother time."

"What? You mean OTHER then knowing everything that's going to happen?" I sighed, "I'm afraid not."

Sparrow sat still, the relentless breeze playing with his hair. His lips were pursed together as though deep in thought, "Convince me then." He said finally, a smug sort of arrogant tone slipping in his words as he took out his pistol and began to inspect and clean it.

"What!" I asked again, taken aback. How the hell could I do that?

"Well, yeh are a gypsy, aren't ye?" He claimed, pinning me to the occupation I had unwittingly set myself as, "So…tell me the future."

Understanding dawned on my face, and I slowly began to smile.

* * *

So I filled Jack in on the next couple of centuries, so sue me. Just the big stuff, ya know, like….like movies, computers, the internet, Pop-Tarts, Microwavable Mac and Cheese, and against all my better judgment, I informed him of the existence of an outfit called the Bikini.

"Let me get this straight…" He began wildly, a desperately thrilled gleam coating his eyes, "this ou'fit…"

"Can I see your gun?" I interjected suddenly, pointing to the weapon he was fiddling idly with.

"No. As I was sayin'," I took the gun from him anyways while he was intent on discussing the subject matter, "this ou'fit only covers the lasses…" His hand made a movement to reach out and take a hold of a feminine aspect of mine.

"Hey! Watch it, buddy!" I warned, slapping his hand away, "Use your own chest, savvy?"

He snatched his hand back quicker than a jack-a-lope and placed them over the area where, perhaps if he weren't so fit, he would have had man boobs, "An'…" He gave a meaningful look that I could read only too easily, and pointed to the southern regions of his anatomy. Alllllllllll the way down to Florida.

I nodded, "Yes. I bet you wish now you had been born in my time, right? Am I right? I'm so right!" I banged my head in an affirmative shake, taking time to glance over his pistol again. The thing looked obsolete, how could this still be in working order? It was downright scruffy. My brows furrowed together, "Man, this thing is ancient…probably doesn't even fire." I murmured.

Jack looked affronted beyond measure, "It does, too!"

I aimed the gun right between his eyes, "Pow, pow…" I mocked the sounds that could emit from the weapon so well that he jumped in response to them.

"Hey, woman…watch where ye point tha' thing!" He cried, snatching it back from me. "Yeh keep away from me effects, ye 'ear me?"

"Cool your jets, my hands aren't going anywhere near your...GUN."

And the sexual innuendo ensues.

I had to sort of hide my head as I grinned at the thought of how to twist so many words to make them seem dirty…gun…banana…is your banana ripe? Enough said.

He suddenly murmured beside me with no prior provocation, "Isn'ot all tha' big, is it?"

Whoah, he must have been really secure with himself as a man to come out and say something like that. I was shocked.

"Well I'm glad you're being honest with yourself here, Jack. That's very mature of you but I don't think you should publicize that to everyone you happen to meet on the street." I snorted, still lingering on the gun analogies, much to my delight, "Your fans would be bitterly disappointed and your popularity might suffer and go down the drain. But I'm glad you felt so comfortable with me as to admit to that…"

I looked up again and he was staring at me with the most befuddled expression I had ever seen him wear, "Wha' are ye blabberin' abou' lass? I was talkin' abou' the damned island."

My brain fart dissipated then just in time to realize (a little too late) that he had been talking to Elizabeth, who was back from her investigative walk around the island. Her shadow cast us both in a shade as she towered over us, with her arms crossed formidably over her chest.

"If you're intending to kill us," She announced bravely, while Jack fiddled with his gun (oooh that sounds dirty, like the dick-tionary!), "please do so without delay."

"Do we 'ave a problem, Miss Swann?" Jack asked, cocking his head, his eyes squinted against the glare of the sun peeking over Elizabeth's shoulder.

"You were going to tell Barbossa about Will in exchange for a ship!" She accused him scathingly.

"We could USE a ship." Jack pointed out angrily. "The fact 'tis, I was NOT goin' ta tell Barbossa abou' bloody Will, because as long as he didn't know abou' bloody Will I 'ad somethin' ta bargain with, which now no one 'as…thanks ta bloody STUPID Will."

"Oh-ho-ho…" I chuckled, "Vicki would have your ass if she were here to hear that."

"I really couldn't care, lass." Jack sneered, getting to his feet.

Elizabeth still looked bowled over by the fact that Jack wasn't really without ethics as she had previously thought. "Oh." She murmured in embarrassment.

"Oh." Jack mocked darkly, putting his gun furiously in his belt.

Trying to save the situation Elizabeth tried another point, "He still risked his life to save us!" She defended.

Jack took one look at her and let out an exaggerated bark of disdainful laughter, "HAH!" And then took off toward the palm trees farther off.

"Yeah, and look where that's got us!" I retaliated…then paused, "Wait, why the hell am I complaining?" I beamed taking after Jack, while Elizabeth followed after, fuming.

"But you were stranded on this island before!" She exclaimed marching forward, "So we can escape in the same way you did then!"

Jack rounded on her with such suddenness, she was forced a few steps back, "Ta wha' point an' purpose, young Missy? The Black Pearl is gone. An' unless ye 'ave a rudder an' o' lot of sails hidden in tha' bodice of yers…" He claimed looking down at the desired area, "unlikely…"

I always wondered if he was actually insulting her breast size or if he were trying with all his might not to touch them. The mystery would go on unexplained, it seemed.

"…Young Mister Turner will be dead long before ye can get ta 'im."

"Hey, we can do without the more than obvious glance down her dress, thank you Captain." I remarked dryly.

"An' ye, lass!" He whirled on me. "Ye are this close ta joinin' 'im." He threatened, pointing a bejeweled finger in my face.

I scoffed, shooting back, "Big talk coming from a pirate stranded on a deserted island, asshole!"

His hands reached out dangerously for my throat, straining, clenching, unclenching, as if he would strangle me to the point of death. "Gaaaaaaaaaah!" He yelled outraged, turning on his heel and stalking away.

Elizabeth tore after him.

"But you're Captain Jack Sparrow!" She urged.

"Hey Jack, she got your title right! Hot damn that was a first!" I called.

Elizabeth paid me no heed as she was desperately trying to ensnare Sparrow's attentions, "You disappeared from under the eyes of SIX agents of the East India Company!" She fought on as Jack went up to a random palm tree and knocked on it. I came up on the other side and did the same. It was hollow. Nifty. Jack moved off, intent on ignoring Miss Swann.

"You sacked Nassau Port without even firing a shot!" She continued while he jumped on a piece of land which yielded beneath him and I continued beating out a bangin' rhythm on the funny tree trunk. "Are you the pirate I've read about or not?"

That stopped him cold. He turned to look at her calmly.

There must have been something in his expression that caused her to finally voice the most longed for question of all time, "How did you escape last time?"

Coming forward he pushed her back gently, off of the space of land he hand been inspecting. "Las' time…" he began as if he were struggling with a heavy weight, "las' time I was 'ere a grand total o' three days, alrigh'?" He confessed grudgingly.

"What?" Elizabeth's brow furrowed in absolute confusion.

"It's true." I piped up, coming up next to her.

And then Jack, much to her amazement but not to mine, bent down and opened a hidden door in the sand, delving into the neatly dug pit, "Las' time the Rum Runners used this island as a cache. I was able ta barter a passage off. But by the looks o' things…" his rough voice floated up to us, along with the merry clink of many glasses, "they've long been ou' o' business." His tanned hand thrust out of the man made cellar, a bottle of spirits in his grip, "Probably 'ave yer bloody friend Norrington ta thank for tha'." He exited, a bottle in both hands and one tucked securely under his arm.

He handed one to me, " 'Ere ya go, lass."

"Are you loony? I don't drink!" I squeaked, holding the golden liquid away from me as if it were a poison that to equal the power of Snow White's stepmother's red apple. "I'm underage!"

"Live a litt'l, love." He whispered, clinking the glasses together in a toast, turning around to find a very put off Elizabeth.

"So that's it? That's the secret grand adventure of Captain Jack Sparrow?" Stepping forward her voice trembled with her disappointment and anger, "You spent three days lying on the beach, drinking Rum?"

Jack threw a glance at me and then turned back to her with a swish, a jangle, and a shrug, "Welcome ta the Caribbean, love." Then pushing past her, he pressed a bottle of her own into her hands as if to say, "Well, now tha' tha's all done, I'd say it's high time we all got shit faced."

Elizabeth did not relent her glare, only enhanced it, directing it to the bottle in her hands. Suddenly her eyes took on a different gleam as if an idea was forming in her mind.

"Yep. That'll do, pig. That'll do." I said.

I had startled her out of her reverie, "What will do?"

"You know what…" I decided simply, "I'm in." I passed by her as Sparrow had done, clinking our bottles together in our own toast, "Give it a couple of hours; he'll be so drunk you could dress him up as Gloria Swanson and he wouldn't even know. It'll work."

And leaving her gaping behind me I skipped into the distance, "Hold up, Jack!" I called, "Wait up and we'll have a sit down! Do you know '99 Bottles on the Wall'? You don't! Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you've been deprived! Here's how it goes…"

* * *

About three hours later I was just a tinsy bit tipsy. Elizabeth was pretending to be more than a little tipsy, and it was fast approaching night. Jack had made rather decent bonfire. I told them somewhat slurred that I was going to look for some more kindling and made my way around the island, with no particular point in mind. Walking (staggering) about, I half-heartedly picked up pieces of drift wood from the ground, ending up dropping more than I picked up in the end. At one point I looked up at the sky, and my gaze settled on the constellation of Orion…and then my knees gave out. I stumbled and then righted myself.

Back home it was always the first stars I could find, the figure of the hunter was always so prominent that he had become my Polaris, my North Star (because truth be told, I can never find the REAL North Star.) It struck me then, like a fist in the gut that had me doubling over, that while the world around me had become something else, the stars were ever constant, ever the same. Something familiar for me to grasp at in this place, this time I didn't belong in. Hell, any girl born in the eighties didn't belong here!

Now, did you know if you look up too long while you're drunk, you lose your balance? Well, I learned the hard way, when the world suddenly tilted hazily.

"Whoop…" Murmured a voice as rough hands righted me. "I thought I told ye ta stay close ta the fire."

I giggled my laughter out of control and full of glamorous snorts.

"Come on, lass. Sit down and calm yerself. Ye sound like dyin' swine."

Well, that got me started again, of course. He somehow got me to sit down, and he sat beside me.

"I take it ye an' me Rum don't exactly mix?" He chuckled.

"Oh….we mix, just not well." I confessed placing a hand on my head, trying to dispel the terrible pounding behind my eyes.

I heard the gentle clink of braided beads and coins and a second later I felt Jack's hand rubbing small comforting little circles across my back.

It surprised me, shocked me to some part of my mind that wasn't drowning in alcohol. Jack was touching me…and he wasn't trying to feel me up, or seduce me? Tha's not right. Or perhaps he was seducing me, just in the sneaky, underhanded way of pretending to be a farm boy sweetie with innocent intentions. Course if that was the case, I was falling for it.

Jack's hand massaged tenderly at the base of my neck, lessoning the pain in my head. My hand dropped from my eyes as I turned my head towards him in awe. I was about to do something stupid, I just knew it.

"Jack?" I croaked.

"Aye?" He asked, hand drawing back as if he were afraid I would hit him for laying hands on me.

"I really like you." I admitted truthfully sincere.

Jack blinked.

"Do ye, now?" He hummed, a grin spreading across his lips.

"Yes. A lot."

"Then I be flattered, lass."

"Jack?" I asked again, scooting closer.

"Aye?" It seemed he sighed on the sound, as if he were suddenly very tired. As if the events of the day had finally caught up with him.

"Will you…" I giggled, helplessly happy, high on the sweet liquor running rampant through my veins. I was making a mistake…

"Will I wha'?" He asked, chuckling.

ERROR! ERROR! GOING DOWN!

"Kiss me?" I asked hopefully, gazing at him in open adoration.

DIVE! DIVE! AHWOOOOOGAAAAA! AHWOOOOOOOGAAAA!

The soft chuckle died in his throat. It seemed the iris's of his eyes expanded and darkened. I waited, breathless in anticipation.

"No, lass."

WHAT? Did Jack Sparrow just say 'no'?

I huffed in bitter disappointment, "Well why not? We have a full moon, starry sky, what more do you want? What more do you need! Someone to strike up a band and play 'My Heart Will Go On'? Not that it's terribly romantic or anything but it's the epitome of sappiness! Just what the hell are you waiting for, huh? Answer me! What are you waiting for!"

As I uttered the last part I swung my hand lazily (because of the booze), trying to get him on the shoulder, maybe knock some sense into the man, ya know? But he gripped my wrist firmly in the process, stopping me from actually completing any such task.

"The Opportune Momen'." He murmured heavily, his eyes riveting to mine, the darkness in them only growing.

"And why isn't 'the opportune momen'" I mocked his accent to the best of my abilities, "now?"

He laughed, dispelling the black ominous darkness of his eyes, and released my hand just as suddenly as he had grabbed it in the first place, "Because yer bleedin' smashed, darlin'. Just look at ye."

"So? Wouldn't that just make things easier? That I was willing?" I sulked, arms crossed defensively over my chest.

"But ye not, love." He pointed out gently. "Yer not righ' in the 'ead at the momen'. Tha' would 'ardly be 'avin' ye willingly. Is'not done, lass. Tisn't righ'."

"Some pirate you are." I snorted, "Not taking advantage of me when ya can. Bad form, mate."

"Ye'd kill me the next mornin', lass, if I did." He said hitting me lightly on the chin.

"You're probably right." I grumbled.

"Course I am!" He responded with charming enthusiasm, "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"Ugh." I moaned, "None of that now, or I really will barf up a lung."

And a split second later I knew I would indeed puke. I pushed Jack aside and ran for the shore.

Let's just say that even if he HAD wanted to pillage and plunger my mouth, if ya know what I mean, (SCORE ONE for the Whose Line Is It Anyway? Freak!) I was more than sure he didn't want to now.

Jack helped me back to the fire where Elizabeth was sprawled, apparently drunk out of her mind, and while hurling my inebriated guts into the ocean was a horrible feeling…at least now my mind was a bit clearer, though not very. Just enough to know that I was never, ever, going to make a move on Sparrow again. It only goes ridiculously wrong in just about every possible way. I must have been out of my mind.

I sat off to the side scribbling small patterns into the sand while Jack and Elizabeth pranced about like fools. And while I knew Elizabeth was only acting overly friendly to get Sparrow drunk and fast, I felt a kindling of anger at how he would come onto her pretending to be intoxicated (which he still didn't know) and not me. I had a strong sudden urge to push her into the fire and feed him to the sharks. Assholes.

For fun I wrote 'JACK IS AN ASS' in the sand, then rubbed out 'IS' and put in 'HAS' in it's place as an after thought.

When I rejoined them, Sparrow was already prone and snoring on the sand, fast asleep. Jesus, took him long enough.

"So…he's out then?" I commented.

"Yes. I thought it would never happen, honestly. The way that man drinks…" Elizabeth sighed shaking her head, dusting her hands and getting to her feet. She stopped and stared at me for a moment, "You didn't warn him."

I shook my head.

"Even though you knew what would eventually happen?"

"Yep. Rum-burning and all."

"But…"

I returned her glance, raising a curious brow.

"But…you like him…don't you?" She questioned. I think she and I both knew it wasn't a question though.

I nodded, I really didn't feel up to the whole bonding spiel right now.

She nodded as well, as sort of half smile on her mouth, "Well, we best get to work. Come along," She said turning, walking back to the cache of liquor, "Now, it's fairly simple. We are going to…"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. Burn all the Captain's precious Rum to Hell. Yadaa yadaa yadaa, therefore saving us all from the very painful death we are all about to experience."

"In a strict manner of speaking, yes."

I didn't argue as we emptied the hole of its valuables and stashed them in a pile.

"We won't set them off until morning, I think." Elizabeth panted, hauling a gi-normous box of the stuff out of the pit of doom. "Dawn would be best." She informed me, laying the box among its various others.

"Can I light 'er up?" I asked.

"Her who?"

Piss it.

"Can I light the stuff?" I tried again a little exasperatedly.

"Oh…" She paused, eyeing me suspiciously. "Have you worked well with fire before?"

"Oh yeah, love the stuff. I set my uncle's breeches alight once. Fourth of July. God that was a great day. Super funny. Ol' uncle Al screeching like a girl, running around, jumping in the fish pond…"

Elizabeth glanced at me doubtfully, "Perhaps it would be wise if I did it."

I huffed, "Sure, take all the fun out of it. Massive Fun Sucker." I muttered beneath my breath as she shuffled around for something to kindle a fire together. I don't think she heard me. It's possible she just chose not to.

"I think there are a few more bottles down there."

I waited a moment to see if she was going to get them.

She looked up at me expectantly. I threw my hands up in defeat.

"I'll get them. What the hell, I'm just a damn servant on this stupid island, anyway."

Minutes later I emerged from the hole (yet another creepy movie dear Elizabeth's counterpart had been in, when she was what? Like sixteen…) bringing up the last of the Rum, which I handed over to Elizabeth.

The sky began to lighten to a dull grey.

"Sunrise." Elizabeth murmured, "We had better hurry."

I patted down the pocket of my skirt, and made myself useful.

* * *

I was just finishing up the last braid of Jack's I had been working on the day before, when with a jolt and a very symphonic sounding trumpet snore, he woke up.

"Mornin' Sunshine!" I chirped, through a sugar cane. Elizabeth had found a scrawny tree of it trying desperately to thrive on the island, and I had been chewing on the stuff ever since.

It took him a moment to place me, as he blinked up into the sun. But once his senses came back full force, a grin tickled the corner of his mouth, "Mornin', love." He grumbled, reaching a hand out to grasp my knee firmly, "Did I go back on me word las' nigh'?"

"Stop it. Hold on a sec, let me finish this." I said tying the knot in his hair. "There. Perfect." I completed the task with a flourish, "And no…you didn't." I assured him.

"Pity." His mouth curled down, in mock regret.

"You're telling me." I smiled back, "Sugar cane?" I offered, pulling out another stick, shoving it in his face.

"I think not." He muttered in disgust, pushing himself up on his elbows. "I'd much rather 'ave me Rum."

"Hmmneyeeeeahhhh….that's currently not on the menu. But the good news, we have a wonderful bar-b-que dish on special today."

Just then a blast rocked the ground beneath our feet. I grimaced as Jack sprung to his feet. His mouth dropped and his eyes bulged. He pointed a shaky finger at the blaze that Elizabeth was fueling.

"Tha'…"

"Yep."

"Tha'…"

"Afraid so."

"Tha'…"

"Don't kill yourself over this, man."

"Tha's me Rum!"

I looked at the flames licking the boxes, sending them cracking under the intense heat.

"Technically it's not anything anymore, but…I'm optimistic. I call it Bar-B-Que: The Next Generation."

"NO! NO! Stop! Not good!" He shouted, knocking me back and running over to Elizabeth, waving his arms wildly. I hitched up my skirts and trudged after him.

"Wha' are yeh doin'!" He asked her flabbergasted. "Ye burned all the food. The shade! THE RUM!"

"Are you sure you don't want a sugar cane, Jack?" I asked, "You look like you could use one right about now."

"I don't want a bloody sweet stick! I want me Rum, an' she…She burned it all!" Jack pointed, threateningly at her.

"I didn't do it alone, Sparrow." Elizabeth informed him, taking a certain amount of undue pleasure in provoking him and coincidently endangering me, "She helped me." Her finger was pointed and Jack followed it to my face.

Jack whirled on me, "You!"

"Yes, her." Elizabeth smirked.

"YOU!" He shouted again.

"Yes, me…sugar cane?"

Sparrow let out an unintelligible sound of rage.

"But yes," Elizabeth continued calmly, "We have made sure the Rum is gone."

"But why is the Rum gone!"

Now it was Elizabeth's turn to whirl on him. I was getting dizzy. "One: Because it is a vile drink that turns EVEN the most respectable gentlemen into COMPLETE scoundrels. Two: THAT signal was over a thousand feet high. The ENTIRE Royal Navy is out there looking for me. Do you honestly think there is a chance they won't see it!"

Pause. Good news, that speech kicked some serious ass. Bad News, Jack didn't care.

"But why is the Rum gone?" Jack asked in desperation, clearly not seeing the point in anything she had just said.

Elizabeth plopped down on the sandy bank, "Just you wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two. Keep a weather eye open and you will see white sails on that horizon."

Absolutely furious, Jack pulled his pistol from his belt and aimed it dangerously at the back of Elizabeth's head. It would have made a perfect hole had he fired, but once again my Good Samaritan instincts kicked in.

"That shot isn't meant for her either." I reminded him.

Shooting a violent look of malcontent at me he returned the gun to his sash, and grabbing a hold of my arm, bodily dragged me away from the erupting pyre of rum.

"This is all yer fault!"

"Not ALL my fault, surely?"

"Yes, ALL! Alrigh' so's I believe ya! Yer from the future, foine! But why yeh 'ave ta go ruinin' the past, eh?"

"What ARE you going on about?"

"ANYTHIN'! Everythin'! Everythin' tha' 'as 'appened so fars, 'as been because of ye! Yeh could 'ave made it dandy but no, ye'd rather see me writhe in tortuous agony first!"

"How is that possible!"

Jack quite literally exploded at that point in the game.

"YE KNEW WHA' WAS TA 'APPEN! Yeh could've stopped it all! Yeh could've saved me, Will, Elizabeth, not ta mention yer own mate Victoria, and more importantly…me RUM!"

He had pulled me through the forest of palms as he ranted. I stopped suddenly, yanking my arm from his grasp and placed them intimidatingly on my hips and narrowed my eyes to mere slants, "First off, do you REALLY think I couldn't have changed what's happened if I wanted to?"

"Oh, oh I see! Ye just enjoy watchin' me suffer is tha' it?"

"To some degree. Secondly, this would have happened even if I weren't here so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. And thirdly, I did manage to save something…"

"Such as…"He sneered, bearing down into my face, "Cause as far as I can see it, love. WE'RE STILL ON THE BLOODY ISLAND!"

Testy.

"Well, other than my own ass…this…" And so saying this, I drew out a bottle of salvaged rum about the size of a fist from the deep pocket of my skirt, and dangled it temptingly before the dumbstruck pirate.

Jack's mouth dropped slightly in astonishment as his eyes flicked hastily between me and his darling bottle of rum.

"Do I get a 'Thank you, Rachel, you're the best bonny lass I've ever 'ad' from you?" I asked dryly, not really expecting as anything as good as that.

I got more than what I bargained for as Jack spun me around at a dangerous angle and started to drag me in a loping dance about the trees, dodging them haphazardly.

"Oh…me bonny lass is the best there is!" He sang ruggedly, "She talks back ta the Queen's Navy, starts fights in local bars! She may not be Italian, but she saves Rum in whole jars!"

I clung desperately to him against the G-force as he picked me up and spun me around in a fast and swerved circle.

"Now for the chorus!" He shouted, "Oh she's me bonny lass! She's such a handy catch! Jump in anytime, love, with a rhyme, I'm runnin' ou' o' ideas 'ere."

I laughed helplessly, shapes blurring by me at ludicrous speeds, "Jack! Stop spinning like a moron and let me down before you make me upchuck the ten sugar canes I had this morning!"

The scenery slowed and righted itself as Jack gently let me slip to my toes, feeling the firm ground beneath my feet once more.

"Yeh know," He murmured roughly, breathing ragged from our sucky dance efforts, that gold tooth of his catching the sun, "I really should kiss ye fer tha'."

I shrugged my shoulders playing off my sudden unease, pulling back, "It was my pleasure. I don't want you to kiss me just because I gave you a drink." I chuckled handing him the bottle, hoping to divert his attention back to his first love.

Bottle seemingly forgotten for the time being, his hand flashed out, curled around my wrist, and pulled me back as he growled, "I'll kiss ye because I want to, lass."

I gulped noisily. Shit. I wanted this but was now the right time, how did you know the right time, and I was just too damned confused to think anything straight at the moment. I tried to stall. I licked my lips nervously, an action that did not go unnoticed by Sparrow as he leaned in.

"What about the Opportune Moment?" I struggled to pull back but Sparrow had a good hold.

"Let me tell ye somethin' about it, lass…" He explained pressing my back against one of the neighboring palm trees, "ye can only put it off for so long…"

As I'm writing this I'm scrunching up my face in concentration, trying to remember exactly what I felt, to pin down the sensations. And I'm trying so hard to find the words to describe it, this feeling, and all I can come up with in the after math is: Happiness. I felt insanely happy. Pure joy. Raw elation. A roller coaster is the closest I can come to explaining it. Like that first drop, you know? As you go down your breath hitches almost painfully sweet in your throat, and then you're screaming in wild laughter, raising your hands for more of that delicious thrill, and then you're laughing again.

Needless to say it was the first time I had ever been kissed by someone other than my mother, and it so being, knocked me flat off my feet. He tasted like seasoning, a strong scent of cinnamon and cloves, and I hope to god that my own breath was more of a blend of sugar cane than last nights purging. I obviously was not that bad (although my mind did worry what to do with my nose, or how I could still breath and kiss him at the same time) because he kept right on kissing me. I found him strangely courteous in his snogging skills. He didn't force, or try to make frantic attempts at ravaging my mouth, but kept the pace slow, as if he would stand there all day kissing me and never miss a solitary beat, the pressure equally strong yet unbearably soft.

A minute, an hour later (who could tell honestly, all things leave you even a sense of time when you're being that well macked on) he pulled back enough to kiss the edge of my mouth, his lips leaving me for the final time. I blinked, once, twice…several times. Then came the shaky, unsteady word from my mouth, the only one that made it out anyway.

"Whoah."

Sparrow's grin doubled, "Does tha' mean ye liked it?"

I found my head nodding like one of those bobble-head dolls.

"I take it this was yer first genuine experience of the sorts."

I nodded again, smiling through my teeth like a fool.

"Well, then…" He purred, a spark of dark expanding in his eyes. "I'm not entirely sure I gave ye yer purse's worth."

"I don't plan on paying you a dime, Sparrow." I grinned as pushed him back, only to have him push me just as firmly back against the frame of the palm, placing a blocking arm to the left of my face, barricading any escape.

"This one's on credit then…til ye can afford it."

And I was riding the roller coaster again, twice as fast and terrifying as the Super Man at Six Flags and ten times as exhilarating as Apollo's Chariot at Bush Gardens. I was practically gasping into each new branding kiss, struggling to breathe through the final gravity defying drop…

"Jack! Rachel!"

Elizabeth's hazy voice broke us apart.

"Make 'er go away…" Jack groaned, burying his head into my neck. I chuckled, pushing him back successfully this time.

"Jack!" Elizabeth's call was nearer now, "Rachel!"

She finally broke through the trees into our small intimate little clearing.

"There you are! Where have you been? I've been scourging this bloody island looking for you!"

Her eyes widened suddenly taking in the scene before her, and started to dart madly between the two of us.

"Am...Am I….interrupting anything here?"

"As a matta o' fact…" Jack began before I stomped on his foot.

"What's the story, mornin' glory?" I asked coming forward.

She took my hand, grinning, leading me out of the palms, with Sparrow kicking up sand behind us in an obvious pout.

As we broke through the trees we were greeted by such a sight as to stall Jack and send Elizabeth running to a figure in the distance.

"Well what 'dya know." I murmured in appreciation, "White sails."

"They'll be no livin' wif 'er after this." Jack sighed as he gazed upon the huge ship near the shoreline.

"Oh don't be so glum," I advised, hitting him lightly on the arm, and taking him along to our salvation.

"Well, I suppose it could always be worse." Jack muttered in agreement.

We were close enough now to see who Elizabeth had gone running to meet and he was close enough now to see us.

"YOU?" The Commodore exclaimed.

I glanced up at Jack, "You know this is your fault for saying that."

Jack paid me no mind as he raised his arm and waved to the tense shape of the Commodore, "Aye. It's me!"

"YOU!" Norrington shouted again.

"Yes, him." I replied. Seeing me Norrington nearly keeled over in…some very unpleasant feeling in seeing me again so soon…and alive.

"AND YOU!"

Jack pointed a finger at me, "It's 'er alrigh'!"

"YOU!"

"Yes, me." I tried again.

Norrington stood gaping in absolute horror.

"Me, bitchy gypsy." I clarified. "Him," I indicated Jack at my side, "coolio pirate. Her," I addressed Elizabeth, "falling out of her dress…and YOU…"

Before I could taunt him a second time Jack smacked my butt.

"HEY!" I shrieked, holding my hands to protect my backside from any other incoming attacks, "What was that for?"

"Yeh goin' ta get us killed, love."

I saw his point, "Granted, but did you have to hit me!" I said, rubbing my sore ass.

"Didn't 'ave to." He grinned, winking as he began to walk to the row boats lined up on the shore.

"Oh, you're are so gonna get it!" I vowed rushing after him.

"Is tha' so, lass?" He said suddenly spinning around, making me run smack dab into him, "An' 'ow exactly am I goin' ta get it, hmn?"

I stammered as his hands traveled up the length of my bare arms, "Didn't quite think of that yet, actually." I confessed.

"Betta start thinkin' abou' it, lass." He murmured, before trudging back to the boats.

"Commodore." He nodded going past him. Norrington nodded as well, and marched up to me.

"Hey there, sexy. Found me a gag yet?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"Gee, sucks for you."


	14. Chat With The Commodore

Disclaimer: Well, this is gonna be a long chapter. No lie. Then, Vicki, then me one last time and then. The End. Can you believe it? Neither can I. But never fear, like many movies, there is a sequel. Well, here it goes. Oh and there is mention of a certain Jo in here, as a sort of thank you for being such a good sport, now that we're all resolved.

* * *

"But we've got to save Will!" Elizabeth argued desperately, turning a furious gaze upon her father who was hearing none of it.

"No." He replied adamantly, seeming to end the matter in his mind, "You're safe. Wewillreturn to Port Royalimmediately, not go gallivanting after Pirates!"

"Gallivanting…"I mused off to the side, "That's a funny word like…lollygag and meander…Ragamuffin…hmnnn…"

Jack was placed quite properly between the two men of the Navy who he could the easiest dupe. Murtogg and Mullroy. What could the Commodore have been thinking at the time? Sparrow was trapped in the middle of their watchful gazes, following the family feud with rapt attention.

"Then we condemn him to death?" Elizabeth shot incredulously at her fathers turned back, a burning heat radiating from her narrowed eyes. Jesus, hit the deck, she's gonna blow!

The Governor seemed to hesitate upon the issue, truly covered in rue. He sighed, his plan already coursed, his mind frame already set. "The boy's fate is regrettable…but then so is his decision to engage in piracy."

"Whoa…that's harsh, Mr. G." I voiced.

Norrington shot me a glance.

"Well, it is." Excuse me for breathing, Commobore.

"To RESCUE me! To prevent anything from happening to ME!" Elizabeth fought on. Lesson number two Liz, learn when to give up the gun.

Seeing his opportunity to make an intervention, Jack interrupted the proceedings by stepping in amongst the fray, "If I may be so bold as to my professional opinion…The Black Pearl was listin' near scabbers after the batt'l. It's highly unlikely she'd be able ta make good time." He pressed closer to the Commodore infringing on the man's personal boundaries, and trying to bait him with the promise of adventure, as well as untold victory, "Think abou' it, mate. The Black Pearl. The las' real pirate threat in the Caribbean. 'Ow can ye pass tha' up?"

How? Very easily. As easily as glaring which, in fact, came second nature to the dear Commodore, since he replied in his usual cool manner, "By remembering that I serve others, Sparrow, not only myself." He turned coldly on the stunned pirate and started to make his way up to the helm.

"Shit," I hissed, "I'm sorry Jack, but even I can't say that wasn't brutal. He got you good on that one. You're now tied with James Norrington for witty comebacks. You better up the ante or your title's at stake."

Jack rolled his eyes, something I realized he had picked up from me, (the poor thing is teachable) as Elizabeth hurried to Norrington.

"Commodore!" She pleaded urgently, "I beg of you, please do this for me…"

I always hated what she was about to do. Call me crazy but it was just plain wrong. Even the likes of the Commodore didn't deserve to be deceived so cruelly.

"…as a wedding present."

Norrington stopped as if struck dumb, and turned to view her. He looked as if he hadn't properly heard her, or couldn't understand. Couldn't breathe.

"Why…" The governor exclaimed, obviously enthused beyond expectation, "Elizabeth, are you accepting the Commodore's proposal?"

Norrington was waiting like one unsure of waking from a dream, wasn't even daring to hope, to think that she could, would…

"I am."

I winced at her determined expression and the pain behind it, the self sacrifice of the action and deceit gnawing at her even now. Too late, the damage was done.

"Why you lying little bi-ATCH!" I growled.

Jack on the other hand, took it better than I. As he made all to evident by gaping his mouth open like a guppy in feigned surprise as his face brightened, "Oh, a wedding! I love weddings! DRINKS ALL AROUND!" He gestured vigorously.

Okay, I cracked a smile…I mean who doesn't smile at that line, except for like maybe a corpse. I was human after all, and a fan… don't get me wrong. I was still pissed, but come on, Jack was a riot!

Norrington was less than amused at our mood breaking antics, as he swung his famous glare on us. I winked, Jack gulped.

"I know…" Jack replied weakly, raising his arms out in front of him as if to be shackled on the spot, "Clap me in irons, righ'?"

"Find a gag bloody gag for that wench, PRONTO? Right?" I added.

Now either Norrington's sympathetic streak decided to catch up with him or he was moved by my tearfully wobbly chin motion, or possibly Elizabeth's heaving chest (the wanker, he probably was looking at those things) because he simply straightened in annoyance instead of chucking us into the ocean and spoke, "Sparrow."

Jack dropped his arms to his side, peering up at the Commodore like a lovable beaten dog.

"You will accompany these fine men to helm and give themand provide us with the bearingto the Isle de Muerta. You will then spend the remainder of the voyage contemplating all possiblemeanings of the phrase, 'Silent as the grave'."

"Damn…" I whistled.

"Do I make myself clear?" Obviously not a question.

"Inescapably." Jack replied.

Then for some unknown reason, Norrington rounded his gaze on me.

"What?"

Okay, he was still looking.

"What? Is there something in my teeth? Am I getting a zit? What is it! Are you actually looking at me, or the guy behind me, cause you're kinda freaking me out."

Whoop, glare was gonna burn a hole in my head soon.

"Oh my god, Josie was totally right…you have a really big vein that juts out when you get angry. There it goes again! That is just too weird!"

"Just agree to the terms!" Norrington burst like a balloon.

I blinked, "Oh was that what that was all about?"

Sighing, after regaining his composure, he nodded solemnly.

"Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place? Hmmn…Oh why not? I can be quiet…"

Elizabeth snorted.

"Occasionally…Ooooh, like this one time…AT BANDCAMP…"

Everybody stood silently, waiting in anticipation to see what I would say next.

"No, really, you don't want me to finish that sentence…EVER."

"Silent as the grave, Miss…" Norrington reminded me.

"Rachel." I offered, "Plain old Rae, not Gypsy girl or wench…"

Jack made some kind of movement I interpreted in a second flat.

"…or STRUMPET."

"Silent…" The Commodore groaned in irritation, "as the grave, Miss Rachel."

"Graves aren't really that silent," I informed him, "I mean take those zombie types for instance. They raise a ruckus…"

"Just give up, mate," Jack advised Norrington knowingly, as he stepped past him, "There's only one way ta shut 'er up, am I righ' lass?" He winked.

"Get bent, you Muppet." I snapped moodily.

Jack chuckled, pulling me along with him to the helm before I could tell off Elizabeth for her lies and Norrington for his stick in the mud attitude.

"Come along, lass. Let's not make a scene, hmnn?"

"Make a scene, my ass. You're making as much noise as I am!" I protested, shrugging his arm off of my shoulders. Sparrow grabbed my arm none too gently, stopping me at the top so that my eyes leveled with his dark ones.

"Don't make me 'ave to silence ye, lass." He whispered, tugging me closer. I stuck my chin out coldly, keeping us as much apart as I could, "It'll only make the Commodore blush, Miss Swann giggle, an' ye drop in a dead faint, an' I'm goin' ta need ye later on…so don't make me be doin' tha'. Savvy?"

I pulled in a hitching breath, "I so would not faint."

"Would to."

"Would not."

"Would too."

"I would NOT!"

His retorting grin could only be described as ravenous, as he walked over to the helm, "Let's not test it, just the same, lass."

I crossed my arms over my chest, "I wouldn't faint." I repeated sulkily.

"Don't push me, love." Was the only thing Jack said in response to this repeated claim, "I promise ye, I'll give ye the chance to discover the truth for yerself."

I gulped. That sounded more like a threat than a promise.

Then he started singing, 'A Pirates Life for Me.'

God, that song was getting annoying. I don't care how cool it is.

* * *

Needless to say there are only so many times the human ear can take in that song without going mad. After a while when I actually found myself singing it too, I made my way down to the main deck before I started dancing to it too, just as Sparrow went into the chorus. I had been meaning to have a few words with the Commodore anyway.

I caught him standing by the railing, Elizabeth at his side, looking jittery. A moment later after giving a tense smile and wringing her hands, she made her way to the cabin, leaving him to view the expanse of the sea alone.

"Hey there." I said saddling up to him.

Norrington's shoulders slumped forward. He sighed, "Silent as the…"

"I heard yah, I heard yah. Why can't I just talk to you?"

Turning, he regarded me warily and not without a small amount of irritation, "Make it quick."

Tough crowd, "Okay…" I came closer to his side and was silent, thinking of the best way to go about this conversation. After a time he stopped surveying me and once again, turned to face the ocean.

"You're in for some wee troubles, Commodore." I said finally.

"A threat, miss?" He questioned still gazing out. If it was a threat, he wasn't doing a very good job at sounding threatened.

"Not troubles of the physical nature Commodore," I clarified, "but of the heart and mind." I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes, "I assume you know what I am referring to?"

"I would say not."

Taking an exasperated breath, I swung on him, "You know she's lying to you, don't you? Worse than that though, she's lying through her teeth; your young fi-an-ce." Norrington clenched his jaw in stupid defiant silence. I knew he didn't want to face up to this now, but if it didn't happen now, he'd only hurt worse later. And, I didn't particularly want that.

"You're getting duped," I continued, "and as badly as you've treated me on our previous run ins, I don't like what's happening here."

"Is there a point to all of this?" He snapped.

I put a fidgety hand through my hair, turning away from him, "I'm not saying this well…"

"Indeed."

"But listen, cause this is important: It comes down to this…In the end what happens, happens. Elizabeth will make her choice, as will you. And for the decision you will make…I admire you."

I snuck a peek to find Norrington eyeing me with an expression that seemed to emote the sense of an unsure, kind youth, simply wearing the costume of a strict faced Commodore. In the end, despite all his pomp and reputation for being a stiff assed Brit, James Norrington was just a man in love, after all…whose heart was going to be trampled in the dust of Elizabeth's well meant (but ultimately evil) lie. Something I think even now he suspected.

He forced back the austere mask of his station onto his face. But I had seen his uncertainty, his fear that his convictions were not well founded, and his sadness in the knowledge that the happiness of his engagement would be short lived.

He blinked away his thoughts and replied, not unkindly, "My thanks for such a sentiment, Miss…Rachel, was it?"

"It was."

"Rachel then," He relented, his stern lines softening an inch more. Oh yeah, I was cracking him. God, am I good, or what?

"But I must remind you, you are still under my authority and surveillance as an accomplice to piracy. And you will not be pardoned just because of a few gentle words."

"Unlike some, Commodore Norrington," I brandied back, "my words are given unconditionally, without hidden agenda."

He glanced sharply, his mouth opened and then shut with an audible snap. He opened it again, "How did…? I …How do you know what was spoken between Miss Swann and I?"

"Threshold of Revelation." I shrugged my shoulders, stealing the line from one of my favorite plays.

"It's witchery is what it is."

"No more bewitching than a fiancé who says one thing and does another."

I regretted it as soon as it was out of my mouth. Oh god, his face as I said it.

"I'm sorry." I said truly contrite. He nodded, refusing to meet my eyes, "I really am, there was no excuse for me to say that." I sighed. Jeeze, it was so hard to talk with this guy. "You are a good man, Commodore. One of the best. Now if you'll allow me to speak a truth, here it is: If all my affection weren't dedicated to someone else…I could see us catching a bite to eat at the local ice-creamery."

"Your literary mannerisms are far beyond my comprehension, Miss Rachel. Please, explain yourself."

"I like you. I really do. And if I weren't crazy about Sparrow, I would marry you." He ducked his head, as a skeptical smile graced his lips, "You think I'm kidding?" I asked, taking a hold of his arm, "I would. In a heartbeat. Remember that. There is someone out there for you Commodore. It might not be Elizabeth and it might not be me…but there is somebody. Ya just got to find her and reel 'er in with your natural charm."

"I'll bear that in mind."

"Good. And ummmm…." And before I could think of the repercussions of my actions, I jumped up and kissed him quickly on both cheeks, making him pull in a breath in surprise, "Good luck, mate!"

Now let's see ya'll other bimbo's make the Commodore speechless.

Simultaneously, there erupted a great clatter from the other side of the ship, disturbing the peace of the moment.

"BLOODY WENCH KISSED 'IM! YE TWO TIMIN' BINT, YE KISSED THE BASTARD!"

"Silent as the grave!" Both Norrington and I yelled back at Sparrow.

"I'LL GIVE YE GRAVE! I'LL BURY YE BOTH ALIVE, YE BLEEDIN' SON O' A CUR AN' YER WHORE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YE BLOODY KISSED 'IM!"

"I better go and straighten this out, Commodore. But remember what I said, okay?" I patted his hand twice and trotted over to Sparrow, "For goodness sake, Jack, it was only on the cheek!"

"I don't care, lass," He snarled, "Ye stay away from me, ye an' yer lyin' lips…I don't want no part o' ye, anymore. Ye're dead ta me."

"Fine with me, I'll just go and pucker up for Gillette why don't I, or maybe smooch Governor Swann? You don't think Elizabeth would mind do you? I mean he is her fath…" I got as far as that before Jack yanked me hard (cause apparently Jack likes it hard) to him, and proceeded to shut me up.

I was very proud of myself…I didn't faint.

Well, ya know...much.


	15. Climax, Climax, CLIMAX!

Disclaimer: La la la al ala la alala lal al alalallalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa! This has got to be old hat by now, right? You've heard it a million times before. I lied last chapter, I said Vicki would be next but I wanted to get a chappie out before I went on vaca, so this is the second part of that….and then Vicki and Will, I swear!

* * *

First things first: No you are not getting a play by play scene of Sparrow forcing my knees to buckle under his feverant attempts at shutting me up, so don't even ask. Secondly, what makes you think my knees buckled, even if they did? Third off, how dare you pry into my own private affairs, just because this little display was done in front of (as Elizabeth has said to me on more than one occasion now) the ENTIRE ROYAL NAVY, does not mean you guys get a second show.

Good, five minute rant over. I feel much better now.

I just scared off a sailor dude with my, "What you lookin' at/ You lookin' at me!" glare.

Jack's just smiling. The smug, cheeky little bastard.

I left him to his gloating to take the only chance I would have at salvation.

Did you know that the Commodore's cabin on the ship is like ten times the size of my house? No lie. And it came equipped with washing bin and soap.

I take back every foul gesture I've made behind your back, Commodore.

* * *

After a refreshing scrub down (praise all substances that make rose smelling bubbles!) and toweling, I ransacked the cabin's chests and found some spare sailor outfits. Seeing as my skirt and amber top were somewhat sandy and fishy smelling, I folded them on the bed and exchanged them for the crisp clean white cotton shirt and long black legging/pants. I don't think the men knew they were wearing clothing that by today's standards would be classified as Peter Pan Tights, cause if they did, they'd run around naked instead. I wouldn't blame them.

To complete the ensemble I wore my black corset top over the flowy shirt. Sorta made me look like the female and slightly whiter version of the Dread Pirate Roberts, only he didn't have kick ass combat boots. When I came out it was fast approaching twilight, and there was no sign of Sparrow. The deck itself was quiet and bare, almost as if deserted.

"Yo, Skipper!" I called running up to an errant officer, trying to go about his duties, "Where's everyone at?"

The guy obviously didn't want to talk to me. British sailors man, what can ya do? Probably thought I was bad luck or something. He answered me in any case despite his superstitions and royal jerk skills, "Commodore Norrington, Lut. Gillette and Jack Sparrow went out to plan their course of action, regarding the criminals residing in the caves." He then turned and walked away.

Rude!

"What am I, some sort of leper or something!" I yelled at his retreating back.

There really wasn't much else to do. So I stole the Governor's wig and ran around the ship with it. Hey, I was bored. The old man put up quite a fight for it considering he was just trying to slap it out of my hands.

* * *

"All aboard! Look sharp! Look sharp! Hey you, stop picking your nose! You have no idea where that thing's been!" I cried out when the men came back. Elizabeth joined me at my side and pointed out the erring sailor enamored of his nostrils and we had a good laugh over it as the Commodore and Jack boarded in unison.

"So what's the plan, Abraham?" I chirped, bouncing about the two, sort of an ancient type of maypole dance. With my two great men as the pole…

Yeah, I think I could have summed that up in the not so R rated way…

"It is not up for discussion." Norrington replied succinctly. "We have a plan, that is enough for the time being." By the looks of it the plan pissed him off considerably.

"Speakin' of which," Jack announced jovially, "said plan goes inta action immediately."

Gillette and a few others grabbed a hold of Elizabeth and me.

"Come along now, ladies." Gillette grunted pushing us toward the Commodore's cabin, "You'll be quite safe in here."

Then I understood. I have to say I was surprised. I mean hell, by all means lock Elizabeth on the ship Sparrow, but me? This was backstabbing of the worse kind. And I sure as hell had something to say about it.

"HOLD UP!"

"No, you're not locking us in there!" Elizabeth shouted, just as outraged.

"Sparrow!" I shouted, stepping on Gil's foot so as I could turn around and pin Jack with a glare. Surely this was a mistake; he couldn't really mean me too.

Turning with the air of great mourning he made a dramatic protestation, clasping his hands together in the way he usually did when he was mocking regret, "Ye'll 'ave much more fun on the ship, ladies…I swear on me mother's life."

"His mother's probably dead!" Elizabeth countered with a snarl, as she knew as well as me Jack's tricks when it came to swearing to a truth.

"Ye don't know tha'!" Sparrow volleyed back.

"His mother's probably running a brothel somewhere!" I retaliated, interrupting the flow.

"Excuse me!" Jack exclaimed affronted, then shrugged noncommittally, "Yer probably righ'."

Meanwhile, we were still being dragged off the deck. I dug my heels in, and my boots started to smoke at the force. If they were making me leave, I would leave with style.

"You…" I yelled at Sparrow, who looked up from pretending to inspect his nails (which let me tell you are pretty dirty, don't know why he was even trying) and seemed mighty pleased with himself, "…are a dick! You miserable bastard, I know you're behind this whole thing to get rid of us. Well, let me tell you something, I have no intention of staying on this damn boat!"

"Yer wrong, lass." Jack returned, "I don't want ta get rid of both of ye. Just ye."

Well, let me tell you that sent me over the edge. I struggled so hard I accidentally elbowed a rather cutie boy sailor in the nose, "Sorry!" I muttered, suddenly my voice boomed across the deck as I pointed a finger at Sparrow, "YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU TANGLED WITH THE PRIMAL ANIMAL FORCE OF…THE LASS!" Or so I entitled myself on the spur of the moment.

Everyone stood stunned. I broke into a grin.

"I'm just screwin' with ya'll. But wasn't that cool, how my voice went all Phantom of the Opera-ery…Michael Crawford version mind you, not Butler…he ain't got the lung power to pull it off, baby!" I crowed as they pushed me into the room, my job done for the time being, as Jack watched from the sidelines waving cheerily and then walking jauntily off. Elizabeth however with still handling Gillette, the ponce.

"But I have to warn the Commodore!" She persisted, "The pirates! He must know! The pirates…they can't be KILLED!"

"Hee-yeah. Like he's gonna believe that." I murmured, making myself comfortable at Norrington's desk, rifling through his important documents.

"Oh, don't worry, Miss…" Gillette replied flippantly, "He's already been informed of that. A little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story." And laughing delightedly in her face he shut us in.

I discovered a silver letter opener under a signed contract and just as the doors closed I threw it at the doors. It hit the wood part and with a thunk, it quivered on its edge. "Yeah, well…I hope before she left she put her tail to good use, AND FIN SLAPPED YOU IN THE BALLS!" I bellowed at the oak wood. "Asswipe." I muttered under my breath at Gil's lack of manners.

Elizabeth huffed and slumped against the door, her eyes frantically searching the room. Her gaze brightened, alighting on something, and pushing herself off the wood she made her way to the bed.

"Come and help me." She said, stripping the bed and then proceeding to strip the strips, knotting them tightly together to make a sturdy looking rope.

"You go on and do that. I have a better idea."

I marched up to the door again and proceeded to pound on the glass.

"HEY!" I called through the crack in the door, "If anybody can hear me, I got use the loo, ya know…THE FACILITES!"

I saw a reluctant sailor approach on the other side of the glass barrier, actually I think he was the same one I elbowed not to long ago and he didn't seem too happy to see me. He was rubbing his nose tenderly, I winced.

"State your business, and hurry it up. Sparrow is about to enter the caves and extract the pirates for our justice."

"To make it plain and simple, I hafta pee like a racehorse."

The door was unlocked and a shocked skipper opened the door, "I beg your pardon?"

"Look," I shifted my feet to show my impatience, "I gotta GO, man, alright? And I'm going right HERE if you don't let me out and tell me where the freak the closet bathroom is located. I mean it! I'm a woman on the edge!"

The poor boy looked torn: keep me in here on orders from his superior or to let me do what nature intended a girl to do. The man obviously needed a little push to get the picture.

"I don't think the Commodore would be very happy if I soiled this carpet, do you?" I raised a brow.

Disgust crept into the man's face. Opening the door fully, he addressed me sharply, "Down the stairs to your left. If you're not back in five minutes I shall be forced to come and get you."

I slipped out the space he allowed me, "Might take longer than five." I said patting the guy on the shoulder.

Ok, now the boy looked just plain sick.

"I cannot believe you are going to the washroom NOW, of all times!" Elizabeth exclaimed incredulously.

"Hey," I shrugged, "When you gotta go, ya gotta go."

* * *

I took the opportunity and went. Always follow your own advice, I say. So I did take advantage of what might have been my last pit stop. Do you know that instead of toilet paper they use cotton? I bet you didn't want to hear that, right? Ok, I won't go into further detail…Getting off the digressing tack and continuing…I made my way to the starboard side, creeping oh-so-inconspicuously to where the Commodore and Jack were holding what seemed to be a heated debate. I melded into the shadows to overhear them.

"One of my men shall accompany you to make certain there are no…surprises." It was clear by Norrington's tone he didn't trust Sparrow one bit…and wisely so.

"Oh don't be goin' doin' tha', mate, unless ye want them dispatched. We pirates don't take too kindly ta those in the red an' royal colors. Barbossa tain't any different from all the others. That is unless ye want yer officers…." Jack drew his finger across his throat, miming dying a painful death through mass amounts of blood loss.

"I get the gist of it, Sparrow." The Commodore sighed, "Very well, you shall go to shore alone." He paused then spoke again, "I hardly think I need to make clear to you what consequences there should be should you betray us in this endeavor."

"Betta run it by me again, just for precautionary measures o' course. Oh wait there it'is, I'm goin' ta 'ang, righ'?"

"That would be a mercy should your intentions be anything other than what you've claimed them to be."

"I'm a pirate, boy. It's 'ard ta find one these days tha' doesn't lie a bit here or there."

"This is the only warning I'm prepared to give you, Sparrow." Norrington reminded him severely.

"Understood, Commodore. I shall be in quite o' bit of trouble, not ta mention tortured beyond all recognition should I stab ye buggers in the back, so ta speak."

Norrington cast a hard glance at Sparrow upon those words; I had to cover my mouth from giggling at the sight. James really was handsome when people ticked him off, "To say the least, Sparrow."

"Like the bloody Spanish Inquisition…" Jack muttered turning away.

"NO ONE SUSPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

The statement confused me because no one on board that I knew of knew about Monty Python, that is until I realized I was the one who had screamed it out into the night. I covered my mouth in shock. Stupid. Stupid. Pretty damn funny but stupid all the same.

"What the devil was that?" Norrington murmured casting his gaze about the ship in vain.

Jack was eyeing the surroundings suspiciously, sweeping the darkness, penetrating every nook and cranny for sign of the outbreak. Suddenly, his gaze paused and settled on the patch of shadow in the corner I had hid myself. They narrowed to slits and I thought for sure I was gonna pee my pants, but then realized I couldn't because I had already made sure I wouldn't be able to by going to the loo before now. I relaxed when his eyes moved on and then seemingly gave up.

He instead turned to Norrington and answered his initial question, "It sounded like a dyin' cat chokin' on its own tongue, eh?"

I did not sound like that!

Norrington nodded grimly, "Ghastly."

"Worse than a Tortugan bar lass tryin' ta sing E flat."

That was out of line.

"I couldn't say as I'd know, Sparrow."

"Or…" Jack added, his eyes sparkling darkly, "Per'aps a eunuch tyin' ta sing E flat."  
WHAT!

"That will do, Sparrow." Norrington replied sharply.

"Commodore!"

Uh oh, Skippy sailor man must have checked the little girl's room, "The girl, the gypsy! She's escaped!"

"And just how was she able to escape, soldier?" Norrington questioned dryly, raising that superior brow of his.

The boy hesitated, "I let her out…" He gulped nervously, "…sir."

"Hmnnn…."

"But sir!" The boy protested at the condemning hmnn, "She claimed she was in dire need of relieving herself!"

Norrington grimaced, but I caught a somewhat assuming smile in the corner of his lips. Two meetings with him and he knew I wouldn't just obey some rules. He knew I would have broken out sooner or later. I gotta tell you I really liked the Commodore then.

"Smart gel." Jack said grinning.

"Too smart for the likes of you, but then there is no accounting for taste…" Norrington murmured.

Jack's eyes hardened, "Wha' was tha', mate?"

But the Commodore had returned his attention to the boy guard and paid him no mind, "We don't have time for this. Find her. Sparrow, you should prepare yourself."

"Wha' do ye plan ta do with the lass once ye've found 'er?" Sparrow posed, his eyes still and steady.

"Deal with her." Norrington said briskly.

Jack drew back, a sly evil twinkle in his gaze, seemingly impressed, however something in that look made me think Norrington had crossed some sort of line with the pirate. I wondered what it had been. "Tha' sounds rather dirty, Commodore. I didn't know the Queen's subjects were allowed to 'deal' with 'er, as ye are willing to."

Either what Jack had just said irritated Norrington to the core or he just didn't get what he was saying because he did not answer the statement at all. "Prepare to board the dinghy, Sparrow. I want you gone when I return."

"I'll just get meself a final drink, then I'll be off."

I rolled my eyes. Typical Sparrow.

"Very good." Norrington snapped.

Both verbal warring parties walked off, leaving me free to storm the row boat and stow away.

I crept out of my hiding place.

"Ye wouldn't be lookin' for the lavatory, now would ye lass? It's tha' way."

I spun around in a panic.

Whoa…a Sparrow-Rachel-Wall sandwich. Now there's something you don't see everyday.

I had never seen Jack so calm and yet so angry at the same time. It was somewhat nerve wracking.

"Hey, there ol' buddy, ol' pal." I giggled nervously against the wooden side of the ship.

"Now just wha' exactly is it tha' ye think yer doin', love? Hmnnn?"

"Oh you know, just taking a nice evening walk on the ship…for a bit of fresh air?" I finished, knowing I'd need a better excuse than that to fool Sparrow.

"Try again, lass." He ground out, his hands tightening slightly at their hold on my upper arms.

"Fine." I hissed in exasperation, "Jeeze, mitts off mister. I was gonna try and sneak aboard that small boat thingy and come with you to save Vicki and Will."

"I thought so." Jack murmured, pulling back slightly, "Well, allow me ta make this simple for ye. I 'ad ye put in the Commodore's quarters for a reason, savvy? An' I'm not abou' ta change me mind. So get marchin' back ta the cabin and wait for us there."

"How about no, cowboy?" I countered snidely, trying to push him aside. I thought he would give but he just pressed me closer to the wood of the ship. The non acceptance of my bossy ways startled me. I mean he let me get away with murder usually. He was acting funny. I scrutinized him closely, "Give me a reason why I should? Why don't you want me to come?"

"Because ye annoy the bejesus ou' o' me, tha's why." He snapped.

"Okay." I let that sink in, granted I think he was probably right, but that wasn't his issue, "Now are you going to tell me the REAL reason why you don't want me to come?"

It was so strange. His eyes began to dart madly. As if trying to think of a way out of our current situation, "Look, lass," He sighed, "just be getting' on yer way now, don't argue with me this time. Just this once listen ta me."

My chest swelled with rage. After all this, after all we had gone through together he was treating me like a child. Fine, he wanted to play that way, I would play him into the ground. He was the Trickster who would now be formally tricked.

"Okay Jack…" I simpered, letting my eyes slide down to my feet, as if I were giving up.

He backed up a few paces, his eyes drilling into me, trying to see past my game, to see if I was serious. I thought he wasn't going to buy it, and then I'd have to use brute force. But he made my job easy, a sly smile filled his face, "Tha's a good gel. Hurry along now…"

I turned to go. In all actuality I was just going to loop around back and try again, but he didn't know that. Mores the better for me.

"Oh, an' lass…"

I turned expectantly and his hand snaked out in a flash and grabbed a hold of my wrist pulling me to him. It was a change of tactics I'll admit, but what the hey?

He splayed one hand over my lower back; the other went higher to cradle my head tenderly. He was lookin' funny again….what was up?

"What?" I asked.

Bowing his head to my throat he laid a tremulous imprint of his lips there and sighed against my skin again, "Oh lass…"

A heavy pressure was on my skull right where it met with my neck, Jack's fingers digging in…

"I trust ye just abou' as much as ye trust me."

I tried to struggle but his hand on my back held me too close as his Vulcan death grip made black tumble into my eyes.

"You…bastard…" I managed before I felt my body go limp and slip in his grasp. There was no darkness. I went out like a light bulb. Click.

* * *

Bad thing: Jack was smart and he caught me unawares. I'll give him that.

Good thing: He went soft and his mind meld pressure point thing only knocked me out for five minutes.

Bad thing again: Five minutes was more than enough time for Jack to leave without me.

Good thing dos: Five minutes he spent searching for a drink, and allowed me to trail behind him just as he was getting aboard.

"Hey Jack!"

"Hmnnn?"

"Think fast, asshole!"

He was only half way turned around when I hit his midsection at a run, and being so close to the edge of the deck and so close to the suspended craft ready and waiting for him, the force of the blow tumbled us both into the little boat. It swung dangerously on it's suspensions as Jack shook his head of the hurt the collision had caused him. Not that it did him any good. My fist found his shoulder.

"That's for locking me in the Commodore's cabin!"

The next punch landed just west of his sternum.

"That's for saying I sounded like a Tortugan bar wench with an incapable voice!"

A rough push nearly sent him over the edge, "That's for the Vulcan Death Grip!"

He grabbed my hands, pinning them to one of the rowing benches. I got a leg free, and he got a combat boot tip in the shin, baby!

"And that's for kissing me earlier on the island and making me like it when I know full well that I could have been ANYONE as long as I had BOOBS, you pig!"

By then the fight was slowly leaving me, and my movements ceased to be so frenzied.

Jack had said nothing this whole time due to the fact I had been kicking and punching and pushing him around. When he did speak it was to say just one thing in response to all this:

"I knew I should 'ave gone a bit 'arder on ye, held on longer. Ye would 'ave been wakin' up tomorrow morn with a bugger o' a headache but at least ye wouldn't be beatin' me ta death."

Oh that man! He made me so furious! Notice how he didn't apologize for being wrong, just for not using enough strength on me. Of all the nerve!

"Now, if ye done with yer little spat," He exclaimed, releasing my wrists, "I'd best be tellin' Norrington of your position so that we can get this litt'l excursion underway."

"You're not going without me." I growled.

"I believe I am." He leered down as he stood to signal a ship's boy.

"Then get a new religion because me and the Almighty are here to tell you," I spied the mechanism that worked the rigging to lower the boat, "Everything you believe is complete and absolute BOLLOCKS!" And saying so and grinning triumphantly I pulled on the rope attached to our small vessel.

Jack's eyes only made it to huge before the boat dropped. And I mean dropped, ya know, like it was hot or something! It was dropping fast like, "Oh my god, I wasn't really thinking when I played around with the rigging" fast.

We landed in the water, the little boat nearly shattering with the force of the plummet, sending me nearly toppling over the edge. By the time the frantic capsizing movements of the boat had calmed we were both pretty damp.

"I knew it. I knew'it from the first moment I laid eyes on ye. Ye are the worst kind o' trouble a pirate could run inta." Jack muttered, wringing out his dreads. Good luck, buddy.

I didn't answer because of the fact I was clinging to the side of the boat, horrified. Never, never, NEVER again…Jack spotted my terrified expression and found it extremely amusing however.

"Serve's ye bloody righ', ye dim wench."

Glowering, I splashed water at him angrily, but he ducked gathering up the oars and began rowing, "I guess yer in for a bit o' the adventure… but yeh know if ye wanted ta attack me so's badly, ye could 'ave just met me in a darkened corner instead of all of this pretense." He mentioned, grinning as he pumped the oars through the rippling water.

"Why don't you," I began dangerously, "just take that oar…and shove it up your…"

(BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Bleeped for those not old enough to be reading this. Git kids, come back when you're mature enough for my eccentricity.)

* * *

"It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-LOVELY!"

"Quiet, lass! We're tryin' ta ambush killer pirates, ye can't just go singin' at the top of yer lungs, like tha'! Bloody menace." He muttered.

"Hey, De-Stupid, just row the damn boat."

Muttering things under his breath, Jack guided the boat into the caves.

Ooooh…acoustics!

"HEY BABS BABY! I'M BACK! JUST LIKE IN POLTERGUIST 1,2, AND 3!"

* * *

"Begun by blood…"

"Excuse me…"

"Get outta my way, bozo."

"By blood…undone…"

"Pardons…"

"MOVE, goddamnit!"

The crowd of pirates broke apart in dumb shock to let Jack and me through. Will jerked up from the gold chest he was bent over, at the sight of us, "Jack! And Miss Rachel!"

Barbossa's gaze fell on us as well, and immediately it lost its vigor, "It's not possible." He whispered in horror.

"Hey Vicki!" I cried waving, as I hurried over to where she was being held.

"Bout damn time you guys showed up."

"Sorry for the wait, but Sparrow went all noble halfway through the operation and thought I'd like it better in the Commodore's personal cabin."

"Who in their right mind would like that stiff's cabin?"

"Well it was rather comfy…" I admitted.

"Yuck! Rachel, I'll never understand your taste in men."

"Not probable…" Jack clarified stepping up closer to the chest and Will, ignoring us of course. Usually I'd be mad, but baby had to work so I let it go this once, "Anythin's possible."

Will struggled against his bondsmen, "Where's Elizabeth!" He demanded, while fighting to stand upright. Vicki rolled her eyes.

Jack's process of walking toward the whelp was stalled by Bo'sun's hand on his shoulder.

"She's SAFE, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington just like SHE promised…"

Will's expression clouded. I knew if Vicki were saying what she was seeing she would be saying: Pissedy-Pants-McHott.

"…an' ye get ta die for 'er just like YE promised. So," Jack concluded, summing up, "we're all men of our words really, except for Elizabeth who is in fact…a woman."

"I still think she's just a really feminine boy." Vicki muttered to me.

"And except for me, 'cause I didn't make no stinkin' promises!" I added.

"Shut up!" Barbossa snapped sharply, "Yer next!"

"Told you you'd say that!" I recalled.

Barbossa swung to me, "Yeh be first in line, lass, after I'm done with the boy. Yer drivin' me over the edge o' me sanity. Thought I 'ad gotten rid of ye back on tha' infernal island, but it seems I'll 'ave ta deal with ye myself. An' I shall greatly enjoy doin' so."

I didn't even have a retort for something like that….and what was it with the guys wanting to "deal with me"? Was it code in man speech?

"But first…" Barbossa grinned hideously, bending to place the dagger in his hand under the curve of Will's neck.

"Ye don't want ta be doin' tha', mate." Jack cautioned.

"No, I really think I do." Barbossa replied with a hiss.

"That's what you WANT you to think." I pointed out.

"The lass is righ'. It's yer funeral."

Barbossa rolled his gaze, turning to Jack exasperated with the interruptions but ultimately curious, "Why don't I want ta be doin' it?"

Jack brightened, "Well…" He attempted to walk forward but was yanked back by Bo'sun's firm hand still on his shoulder. Jack impatiently slapped it away, and climbed the mountain of treasure up to Will and the hovering Barbossa. "…because the H.M.S Dauntless, pride of the Royal Navy, is floating just off shore…waitin' for yeh."

A murmur of fear rumbled in the cave, spreading out from the pirates, rising from one to another like a domino effect.

"OH SHNAP! YOU IN SOME DEEP SHIT, AMIGOS!"

* * *

"Trust me…"

My lips quirked at the very idea.

"Ye send yer men ou' in their litt'l boats, they do wha' they do best…"

A collective laugh vibrated from the huddle of pirates in assent, as Barbossa regarded Jack with a mixture of caution and interest.

I was officially bored, glancing over my chewed and bitten nails as if they were something infinitely more interesting than this.

"Robert's yer uncle, Fanny's yer aunt," Jack simplified the complexities, running his hands about, "There ye are with _two_ ships. Of course ye'll take the grandest as yer flag ship, an' who's ta argue? But wha' of the Pearl?"

Now here we got to it, the real fire and passion for this entire discussion.

Jack's expression became deadly serious and earnest, as he took a step nearer to Barbossa, "Name_me_ Captain. I'll sail under yer colors, give ye ten percen' o' me plunder, an' ye get ta introduce yerself as…Commodore Barbossa, savvy?"

"Why not just introduce yourself as Dumbass, dumbass?" I muttered, trying to pick out the dirt from under my non existent nails.

I got whopped upside the head.

I turned to Vicki, "What!"

"When you get shot, don't come blubbering to me." She replied severely.

"An' I suppose in return ye would want me not ta kill the whelp?" Barbossa asked sharply, jerking his head to Will's tense figure.

"Oh no, by all means…kill the whelp…" Jack indicated the struggling victim, gaily, "…just…not yet. Wait ta lift the curse at the Opportune Momen'." Jack's eyes connected solidly with Will's for a split second, "For example…" He continued turning back to Barbossa, scooping up a handful of the cursed Aztec gold, "After ye've killed Norrington an' 'is men. Every." He dropped a shimmering coin back in its stone coffin, "Las'." Plunk, "One." Plunk.

Another wave of mutual laughter ran through the caves, and with a witchy twitch of Jack's fingers the last coin disappeared up his sleeve. Sly old devil.

"Man, ya'll are so STUPID!" I remarked, "Can't ya'll count? He picked up four coins and…"

Vicki clamped a hand over my mouth, "I know you're going stir crazy with boredom here, Rachel but could you try and not blow the whole movie? If you mess this up and we don't get a sequel, I will flay you alive so help me god!"

I nodded in the affirmative.

"You've been planning this from the beginning!" Will accused, play acting or not he looked mad as hell, "Ever since you first learned my name!"

"Yeah." Jack said shortly, like 'Oh, silly boy, ye didn't REALLY think I'd 'elp ye for reasons other than me own personal gain. Oh, ye did? Tha' is so SWEET!'

"I wan' fifty percen' o' yer plunder." Barbossa claimed, beginning the haggling part of the evening's riveting entertainment.

"Fifteen." It seemed Jack was in his element here.

"Forty."

"Twenty five!"

Barbossa paused, almost swayed.

"An' I'll buy ye the 'at. A really big one."

Barbossa was crumbling under the offer. Jack clinched the deal effortlessly, "Eh, Commodore?"

"Brown noser." I muttered.

Placing his arm out it was clear Barbossa was hook-line-and sinkered, "We 'ave an accord!"

They shook and Jack beamed turning to the crew, "All 'ands ta the boats!" He stiffened, realizing his mistake, "Pardons, ye give the orders."

"Gents…" Barbossa declared, "Take a walk!"

"Not ta the boats?" Jack asked, anxiously earning an inquisitive glance from Barbossa.

"Yeah so it's a different course of action but the special effects are top notch." I informed Jack getting to my feet, wiping the dust from my bum.

"Hey, let's go dress Ragetti and Pintel in sissy clothes." Vicki said jumping to her feet.

"YAY! MAKE-OVERS!"

* * *

"Vicki, put a little more blush on the poor guy."

"Hey, don't tell me how to apply make up, rookie." She shot back, "You've botched your pirate's mascara."

"So cut me some slack, his wooden eye keeps popping out!"

"Leave us be!"

"We'll do anyfin'!"

"Jus' please, no more!"

Vicki and I cackled deviously and gave each other high fives in honor of our facial talents.

You might ask how we got a hold of this instrument of torture, make up. Think for a second. We're girls, we don't do anywhere without the stuff.

"Get a move on, ye bloody terrors." Barbossa growled pushing us away from our prisoners to take a peek himself.

He chuckled darkly and sent them on their way. Ragetti and Pintel practically scrambled to get out and away from our clutches.

There really wasn't much to do though, as we waited for the signal from the pirates that they had stormed the boat. One pirate started skipping stones while another guarded Will. Vicki stood beside him and just her presence seemed to give him some sort of strength even though he looked like he was about to drop. Barbossa sat atop a pile of treasure, a dragon on his horde, turning a green apple over in his hand. Jack, with my assistance, was taking stock of all the treasure. He was currently running his hands all over the bust of a golden goddess statue.

"Ahem." I coughed, "Horny much?"

He must have guessed what horny meant in this context because he just grinned and waggled his brows.

"Ye know Jack, I thought I 'ad ye figured, but turns ou' yer a 'ard man ta predict." Babs mused from the side.

"Me? I'm dishonest…"

"He's telling us." Vicki snorted softly.

"An' a dishonest man ye can always trust ta be dishonest," He threw the golden girl figurine over his shoulder, "Honestly, it's the honest ones yeh want ta watch ou' for…"

"Amen to that!" I declared to the lord.

"…because ye can never predict when they're goin' ta do somethin'…incredibly…shtupid."

Thus proceeded the combined efforts of stupidity and insanity.

Jack slid a sword from the pirates skipping stones's sheathe, throwing it to Will. Vicki dived out of the way so he could catch it and I took my opportunity and dove into the treasure. Needless to say I thought Jack could handle it from here on out all by his onesies. I opened a wooden chest.

"Vicki, come take a look at this!" I called over my shoulder.

"A little busy here, Rachel, if you didn't notice!"

"Fancy dresses with corsets!"

"Oooh where?"

I smiled.

So Vicki and I rummaged around in the chests, oohing and ahhing over the gowns as the men fought for life and limb. I threw two full underskirts at Vicki.

"What are these for?"

"Just follow my lead." I said, moving to the center of the cave where we could both be seen and heard.

I whispered in Vicki's ear.

"That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard." She muttered.

"But fun." I replied, "Come on, you start off."

A beam of moonlight fell on her.

"Hey, William!" He turned at the sound of her voice, "_OH WILLIAM YOU'RE SO FINE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU TAKE ME BY THE HEART AND YOU TAKE ME BY THE HAND!"_

Will began fighting again vigorously, with a pleased and happy grin on his face I noted.

"Rachel…" Vicki said turning to me, "this is so stupid. I don't even know half the words to this freakin' cheerleader song. I refuse to sing the second verse."

But I was already shaking out my pair of underskirts like pom poms.

"Hey, Jaaaaaaaaack!"

"Aye?" Jack ducked, as Barbossa swung the sword at his head.

"_WHEN YA TAKE ME BY THE OOOH-WHOSE, BABY, EVER GONNA KNOW? EVERYTIME YOU MOVE I LET A LITTLE MORE SHOW! WON'T YOU SAY 'GOODNIGHT' SO YOU CAN TAKE ME HOME, JACK!_"

"Can ye stop tha' caterwaulin', lass?" He grunted as he parried another thrust of Barbossa's sword, "It's just a bit distractin'…"

I grinned; finally ready to put my big ass kicking boots to use. Vicki was already helping out Will, dueling her own gross skeleton pirate. One of my own approached me.

"You wearin' your seatbelt, love?" I asked tossing in Jack's phraseology. "Cause this is a non-stop flight to kickin' year bony hind quarters ta the moon!"

One kick, only one! I rule!

"Bout time I broke these babies in!" I exclaimed, satisfied as I joined the fray.

* * *

"Yer off the edge of the map, mate! 'Ere there be monsters!" Barbossa hissed menacingly in Jack's face then swung him away with such a force that he sent Jack careening down the caves sloped floors.

* * *

Fast forward. Nothing much happened that deterred from the scripts original plot except I kept pushing one pirate back and forth in a beam of moonlight to watch him change.

* * *

So somehow, don't ask me how, Elizabeth ended up in the caverns with us and beat the stuffings out of a few pirates, making obscene remarks about her underwear. Go figure, I was jumping from stone to stone on one foot completely bored out of my skull, when I saw Jack throw a bloody coin to Will.

"Shit, I'm gonna miss the best part! Move yer bloomin' arse, Liz!" I yelled pushing her out of the way and into one of those puddles just as Barbossa aimed his gun straight in my path, right at me.

But I was cool. Jack stops him before he does anything, right?

But there's always a price to pay for such fun. So I stood uncomprehendingly, staring down the barrel of that pistol, as Barbossa's lips curled into a cruel smile, not knowing that the blood price had to be paid.

A gun fired it the dark. A pistol shot rang in the cave.

* * *

"Ten years ye carry tha' pistol…" Barbossa sneered, "an' now ye waste yer shot."

"He didn't waste it."

Two blood soaked coins dropped with the utmost slowness into the stone chest. When they landed they made no sound, yet it was a sound all heard.

Barbossa turned to view Jack who was lowering his gun now, with a look of surprised stupor and shock etched deeply within the lines of his face. The blood spread quickly from his wound, across the dirty white of his shirt.

"I feel…cold." He murmured with finality. First touches of feeling, last words.

Sliding down the mound of gold, a green apple, yet to be tasted, fell from his cold fingers.

"Is everyone alrigh'?" Jack asked thickly.

"I've got a cut on my hand." Will volunteered.

"Tha's nothin' boy. Ow's abou' ye, Miss Fraser?"

"Okie Dokie Dominokie." She gave a two thumbs up.

"Righ'."

There was a groan from a puddle near by where they found Miss Swann, "Elizabeth, why are you floundering around in a puddle?" Will asked, hurrying over to her side, helping her up.

"That mad girl pushed me in."

"Where is the lass?" Jack questioned.

"She fell somewhere over there, and it's not wonder! She was hopping about on one foot. Most strange if you ask me." Elizabeth pointed in the general direction, "Oh, I'm soaking!"

"Rachel…" Vicki called venturing nearer.

Will moved forward as well just as Vicki clapped a hand to her mouth, "My god…Jack…"

* * *

"OW! FUCK!"

"Oh, she is alive then." Will commented, deeply relieved.

"THE NUMB NUTTED BASTARD SHOT ME! HE SHOT ME! IN THE LEG!"

"Stop yer screechin' woman, an' let me take a look at it." Jack preached, leaning down to check my injury.

"THE PAIN! THE GODDAMN PAIN!"

"Tis only a scratch, yeh stupid gel. Barely even touched the skin as it'is."

"I'M MELTING! MELTING! WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD!"

"Ye do somethin' abou' this mess," He said to Vicki, "This is beyond me."

Vicki came up and smacked me smartly across the cheek.

"Ell, I'd of been more than 'appy ta do tha'." Jack murmured.

"Snap out of it! Jack Sparrow is leaning over you and you're whining about your wounds? Wake up and ravish the man!" Vicki exclaimed.

"Ow."

"You're impossible."

* * *

(VICKI'S POV)

"Well, it's done, Victoria. We saved Elizabeth, killed Barbossa and found some adventure ourselves." Will said mischievously as I made my way to his side.

"Will, I think it's time you chose." I said quietly, staring down at his fingers that were slowly intertwining with mine. He stopped and pulled up my chin so that I was looking at him directly.

"What are you talking about?" I closed my eyes in concentration; his hand was pushing a bit of hair behind my ear. I pulled his hand away from my face and spoke.

"You have to choose between Elizabeth and me. I know that you've been putting it off but I can't keep getting closer to you without know that you want me and only me." I kissed his forehead, let go of his hands and walked over to Jack and Rachel.

* * *

(RACHEL'S POV)

Once I had recovered enough to throw myself at Jack that is, the both of us went to inspect the treasure troves littered about the cave.

"Ooooh sparkily…shiny….must rub…"

Jack grinned as he himself stuffed his pockets full of loot and booty. Sometime later, when he was haphazardly throwing priceless jewels over his shoulders, carelessly, I made my way over to him and looked over to see Will and Vicki in what seemed like a serious conversation.

"Sweet, ain't it?"

I turned to view Jack as he continued rummaging around the piles and stacks of gold, "I just 'ope the lad takes the momen' in stride."

"Yeah." I murmured in agreement, hopeful for both of them too, as Vicki walked away from Will toward us, struggling to control her features, and Elizabeth took her place beside the blacksmith.

"But which moment?"

* * *

The song we sing is actually "Micky" we just put in our lovers names instead. Don't ask me why, I was having a blond moment. Not that I have anything against blonds, to be more accurate I guess you could say I was having an Elle Woods moment. 


	16. Chapter of Lasts

Disclaimer: Vicki's chapter written by her just like usual, Rachel's povs written by me like usual, Vicki's povs written by her as per usual, and updated by me…you get the picture. Don't own nothin', nothing new. Get ready, the end is beginning. My that was a contradiction of terms!

* * *

I fingered the small blue beading on the dress as we rowed gently towards the Dauntless. No one was really saying much. Jack made an occasional grunt and Rachel was humming Brittany Spears (Rachel: Was not! Ye filthy lying scoundrel!) under her breath. I had a strong desire to let Will hold me or rest his chin on the top of my head but I knew I had to stay strong. He had to choose between Liz and me, it was inevitable.

The row boat was crowded and every few minutes a small rocking wave motion sent one of us flying toward the other with shouts of, "Oy!" "Sorry" "Watch it!" or in Jack's case; "Oh bugger, that's me 'ead!" I tried my best to catch my balance when falling towards Will, but an unusually strong jolt sent me flying into Will's arms. I quickly (though challengingly) released myself from his grip, under the watchful eyes of Elizabeth.

Rachel started trying to tell me something, only she felt the need to use only facial gestures to do so. She widened her eyes, then winked, then batted her eyelashes and crinkled her nose. I narrowed my brow in confusion and shook my head, 'No." Rachel repeated the actions again but exaggerated this time. She added on a bit of nostril flaring and then mouthed, 'Do you get it?' I opened my mouth wide and mouthed back, 'NO." So she scooted over to me and whispered in my ear.

"I hope Will chooses you!" I opened my mouth in disbelief.

"What the hell does that have to do with batting your eyelashes and narrowing your brows?" I whispered back, agitated.

"The eyelashes were Elizabeth and the brow-narrowing was Will!"

I rolled my eyes. Apparently our telepathic face reading needed some serious work.

The trip from the Isla de Muerta to Port Royal went by in what seemed like hours. I slept that night like I hadn't slept in years considering all the shit I was worried about. Will choosing me wasn't really SHIT, but it was still the first real sleep I'd had since this adventure began. We arrive in Port Royal at an ungodly morning hour. Governor Swann ushered Elizabeth home quickly after she's said goodbye to Will, completely forgetting about me and Rachel. Commodore Norrington glared at all of us before grabbing Jack by the arm and pushing him in front of us.

"Bye, Jack! We'll miss you! Have fun in jail!" Rachel cried out.

"Yeah, too bad you won't have us there to entertain you!" I added.

Jack looked back and gave a look like, 'I'm goin' ta jail ta be 'anged, ye bloomin' idiots!'

I looked around and realized that Rachel, Will and I were the only ones left. Uncomfortable meter levels!

"Well, looks like you tow will be spending the night in the Blacksmith shop." Will said.

"I could also just charm my way into a nice little hotel or…"

I shot Rachel a smoldering look and she shut up…for a moment.

"Or I could join you and keep you company!" She finished.

The three of us stood for a moment before Will extended his arm and we started on our way. I have to admit the shop was WAY creepy at night. The rafters loomed overhead eerily and the tools cast irregular shadows on the ground. Will found a few candles and lit them, and then started a roaring fire in the hearth. He beckoned us to follow him to the back, where he opened a door and led us into a small room with an equally small bed.

"This is where I sleep, and you'll be here for the night."

"Thanks Will!" Rachel said, a bit fakily as she looked at the miniscule bed. I looked back at Will to find him looking at me.

"Goodnight, Victoria." Will murmured.

"Goodnight, Will." I replied.

Will left the room, closing the door most of the way, so that a thin line of orange firelight crept into the room.

"Night, Will!" Rachel said sarcastically, trying to act like she was upset that he didn't say goodnight to her. I knew she didn't really care. I laid my dress down on a small wooden stool. Rachel was taking off her shoes. I realized that I'd left mine behind. Hopefully, my sister wouldn't kill me, considering they were hers.

I crawled under the covers and Rachel and I squirmed around until we were both (mostly) comfortable. I closed my eyes and waited for blessed sleep to come, as tomorrow was a BIG day…but sleep did not come. The night air was stifling and I tried not to toss and turn on the creaky cot. Rachel gave a heaving snore and I sighed, she'd found sleep. I began to shut my eyes again when I heard a sigh and restless footsteps coming from the main shop. I carefully extracted myself from the bed and padded to the door. I peeked through the crack and watched as Will picked up a sword and, pacing quietly in a circle, swung it over his head in one quick cut and thrust it out in front of him. I opened the door a bit more and a resounding crack issued from it. Will jerked his head towards where I was standing and I slowly stepped out of the doorway and into the light.

"Oh, it's you. I was worried we had another burglar or pirate." Will said, smiling. Immediately my heart lifted. I couldn't be strong and withdrawn anymore.

"I was just practicing. If it's late and I can't sleep I often take up my sword and practice." He continued as I stepped closer, the earth floor was cool to my feet and my sleeves were rolled up, exposing more skin to the night air. I picked up a sword from a circular rack and it immediately hit the floor with a THUD. Will chuckled.

"Here," he said, finding another that looked somewhat smaller, "this one's a bit more light weight." I took the cutlass from him and was pleased to find that he wasn't lying. I placed one hand above the other one on the hilt and held it up to my face in a very Aragorn-esque way.

"Were you lying before when you told me that you could handle a sword?"

I smiled. He remembered. My statement hadn't been a total lie. Ten years of childhood swordplay and a class in stage fighting meant that I could indeed HANDLE it, but whether I could actually use it well, was another story.

"A bit." I answered simply. Will stepped forward.

"I can give you a few lessons if you'd like." He offered. HA! Sword fighting lessons! I knew he'd make Bob Anderson proud!

"I'd love it! And we don't have to worry about waking Rachel; she's snoring like a banshee." I answered, stepping forwards, and behind me Will placed his hands over mine.

"Ok, now you always block with the flat part of the blade, and parry with the edges."

* * *

A few hours later, or perhaps it wasn't really hours (time flies when you're getting lessons of ANY kind from a Turner). Will and I were parrying. Well, we were practice-parrying. I was nowhere near ready to match with his skills. The night air was full with the sounds of swords meeting in midair. I caught Will's sword on the flat part of the blade and pushed it down, then, with a flick of my wrist, sent his cutlass flying through the air. It landed in the soil, point stuck in. I turned my attention back to Will and advanced on him. He kept stepping back until he reached his workman's bench, which he fell back on. I stuck the point of my sword under his chin and smiled.

"Touché." I answered. "You were holding back on me." I continued, pulling the blade off.

"Well, I wouldn't want to accidentally kill you." He replied, standing up off the bench and looking down at me.

"I'm getting better, aren't I?" I asked.

"Brilliantly better." Will murmured, his eyes staring deeply into mine. I caught my breath an instant before his lips came crashing down onto mine! He spun me around and forcefully pushed me down on the workman's bench, climbing on top of me and restarting the kiss. I lost all thoughts from my head with the exception of "Holy shit! I'm making out with Will!" I threw my hands over his head and finally got the chance to do what I'd wanted to do the first time I saw him; I ran my fingers through his curls and pushed his face onto mine. I soon lost control of my actions and my hands began undoing his vest buttons, which was lying on the floor in seconds. I pulled his linen shirt out of his breeches and pulled it off at the same instant his tongue decided it was time to meet mine.

I felt calloused hands slide underneath my shirt. Inch by inch they slid up, breaths became heavier and…Rachel sleepwalked up to us. Will and I froze and looked at her before I slowly pushed Will off me.

"Don't worry, Will. We were just having some fun." I said softly. One last look and I padded away to the bed. I slipped inside, knowing that it was more than just some fun; it was the last glimmer of hope. Everyone needs to feel loved and wanted, and Will had given me this, if only for the last time on a cool night.

* * *

I awoke the next morning when a loud knock came from the door.

"If you two wouldn't mind getting ready quickly, we could be on our way." It was Will. I nudged Rachel as she'd slept through the knocking. She groaned and slowly slid out of the bed.

"Uhhh, morning." She mumbled. I pulled my loose curls back in a half ponytail and stepped into the dress. It was heavy and I had a feeling that I would be sweating bullets before the day was out. I found a small mirror on the window sill and looked at myself for a moment. Part of me wanted to look beautiful for Will; the other part didn't give a shit. A small curl fell out of the hair ribbon and I brushed it back behind my ear. I turned around just as Rachel was pulling on the red Navy jacket she had filched off of the Dauntless.

"Here. I got one for you." She said, tossing me a jacket. I smiled and folded the jacket up in the small bundle of my other loot. Rachel noticed my quietness and stepped closer to me.

"Is something wrong? You seem withdrawn, nothing to say about Orlando today? No more count-downs?"

"Rachel, do you know if you sleep walk?" She frowned.

"Of course I don't sleep walk, what kind of a question is that?" I shrugged. I'd let it go for now, I could always kill her later. Another round of knocking echoed from the door.

"We're just finishing up, Will keep your shirt on!" I gulped, that was a little too embarrassing for real life!

We opened the door to reveal Will, in cape and feather hat glory, leaning against my favorite workbench. His eyes grew wide when he saw me and I tried to contain my joy in seeing him so dashing.

"You look beautiful, Victoria." He said. I nodded slowly and began to walk towards the door.

"Let's go save Jack."

The walk to the Square was silent. Mostly because Will and I were embarrassed about the previous night's events. Rachel, too, remained quiet. I think she was still trying to figure out what was wrong.

I wish I could say the crowd was buzzing at the hanging, but mostly it was boring; old ladies and overheated young people. Rachel and I walked behind Will and kept our eyes out for Jack.

"There he is!" Rachel pointed. A large executioner had pushed him onto the platform and a man with a curly white wig began to read Jack's crimes. People around us were beginning to shake their heads and whisper disapprovingly, so I couldn't really hear any of the crimes being read. I did however receive a nudge from Rachel and turned my head to the platform again.

"Impersonating a cleric of the Church of England…"

I looked at Jack who'd just remembered the incident and smiled at the executioner, who, I can only guess, growled in return. I turned to look at Will, only to find that he'd disappeared. I searched the crowd and saw Governor Swann, Commodore Norrington, and Elizabeth standing in a stone doorway, and realized that this was perhaps the time to run quickly and pray that Will was not at that moment picking Liz. I grabbed Rachel by the elbow and pulled her behind me, finding a large man to hide behind while listening to Will, who had just stepping in front of the three. He paid his respects to the Governor and Norrington before coming to Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth." He said, slowly, "I should have told youon theday I met you…that I loved you." I shook my head thinking that I had heard wrong.

"Ummm, Rachel, did that sound a little different to you too?" I asked. She opened her mouth to speak but Will brushed past us and on seeing me, took my arm.

"Victoria, do you think you can handle things on your own for a bit?" I nodded and he handed me the sword I'd used the night before in our lessons. I pulled Rachel into a corner of the square and quickly slipped out of my dress. I reached into my bundle and pulled out the Navy jacket. Putting it on I motioned for Rachel to hand me the boots Will had lent me, but just then a resounding TWANG came from the hanging platform so, stepping into the boots as quickly as humanly possible (which was pretty quick, considering they were too big for me and my feet slipped right in), and ran through the crowd towards Will. The executioner missed Will's darting body and sliced through Jack's noose in a single cut. Rachel darted under the platform and jumped on Jack's back just as he'd cut his bonds.

"I told ya you wouldn't die!" She cried as Jack reached up and pulled her off.

"Get off me back, ye crazy wench! Oh wait, seems I've forgotten. Yer only crazy for me!" Jack retorted back as he ran past her to join Will, who'd just done a super-human back-flip off the platform.

"You wish, Sparrow!" Rachel called after him. I ran after the two and when a soldier got in my way, I leaned back and gave him a good round-house kick in the back. He cried out and fell to the ground.

"Ha! Tae-bo in your face!" I laughed. Another soldier seeing my attack advanced on me, brandishing his sword. Will's lessons came clearly to my head. As we parried, the sounds of cutlasses clashing mixed with the cries of –

"Go Jack, he's our man, if he can't do it….um…hold on…if that parrot poops on me…" From Rachel. Unfortunately for me, I was still a beginner and the soldier had me by the throat in a short time.

"Let me go you Butt-Muncher!" I cried, but to no avail. He pushed me straight into the circle of soldiers where Will, Jack, and very put off Rachel already were standing.

"Are you alright?" Will asked, his hands quickly resting on my waist. I heaved a sigh of relief. It was all going to be alright soon.

"I'm brilliant, Will. Just brilliant." I answered, beaming. Governor Swann and that prat Norrington (along with some more soldiers, as if we needed any more) had stepped in front of us, looking very much like they had leprechaun's shelaylee sticks shoved up their asses.

* * *

(RACHEL'S POV)

We were encircled, surrounded…

"HOLY FLYIN' FROGGERS! GOD…can't freakin' breathe…" I panted, my hands resting heavily on my knees, my head bowed between my legs, struggling for more air than I was getting, "I want my inhaler, and I want it NOW, goddamnit!"

Jack's hand covered my mouth, "Shut yer 'ole, gel. I'm tryin' ta make ou' wha's bein' said. Now hush."

I grumbled as I spat out his hand, folding my arms over my chest. One of the guards was staring at me oddly, like so many people in this story already have.

"What? WHAT? What are you looking at? STOP UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES, YOU PERVERTED FREAK!"

The soldier snapped his attention back to Norrington and Will, who was talking about boots, honor, and friendship. Blah, blah, blah, blahblahblahblah…

Oh what a pretty parrot…Wait a tic.

A smile spread across my face. I spun Jack around and gave him a quick kiss. Pulling back, I was nearly jumping up and down in my excitement.

"Not tha' I didn't extremely enjoy tha', but can I ask wha' tha' was for?"

"For luck." I said happily, bouncing about on the balls of my toes. "Look." I pointed to Mr. Cotton's bird perched nearby. "Looks like your mates have decided to chuck the code into Davy Jones and save your ass after all!"

A triumphant grin warmed Jack's features as he glanced in the direction I had gestured. Turning back to me, his eyes grew solemn again. He looked like something was struggling to be said on the tip of his tongue, a word he couldn't seem to say. So I said it for him.

"Goodbye, Jack." And knowing I wouldn't get another chance what with the rules of time travel and all, I leaned in to steal my last kiss.

Now I had thought a simple one-two-three kiss would suffice, apparently Sparrow had other ideas. So of course I wasn't expecting Jack to take control of the whole situation and kiss the stuffin's out of me. It was such kiss that I had to pluck the feather out of Will's hat to use as some sort of cover to block the stares of the Royal Navy. When he finally decided to release me, we were both of us were breathing rather raggedly.

"Let me guess…" Jack smirked, knowing full well I hadn't meant to play such a serious inning of tonsil hockey, just a simple parting peck, "tha' was because I'm devilishly dashin'."

I shook my head trying to stop myself from smiling, an after affect of kissing Sparrow, "Nope."

"The accen'?"

"Nuh uh."

"It's me ship, righ'? Wenches love the ship."

I shook my head again, "It's because I've had a great time. Because I really like you, and I'll miss you."

"Miss me, eh? The lass says she'll miss me." He smugly murmured, "Ye do know lass, there is a simple solution to said problem."

"Like what?"

"Don't miss me. We've got a clear escape, love. A litt'l risky per'aps, but still…ye could come with me."

"Come with you? On the Pearl?" He nodded, "I don't think so, Jack. Actually I'm pretty sure I can't."

He peered at me, "Wha' do ye mean, lass?"

"There are certain rules at work here, certain overpowers and if I'm right in my calculations…I won't be able to stay."

"Bugger overpowers, an' rest o' them. Give it a try, lass."

"Jack, that's not the way it works. You have to go, and so do I."

"Lass…" He began, though I could tell by the shifting of his eyes he was worried about his increasing lack of time to make a get-a-way.

"Don't." I said laughing, "Don't get all mushy on me; I've done enough of that for both of us. Go on. Go be witty and fall off a cliff. Oh and sing. Don't forget to sing."

Jack took my hands firmly in his and shook them twice for emphasis, "I won't forget."

"I hope I won't. I'm still a kinda new to the whole time travel thing. Now go, and be a Captain worthy of a sequel."

Jack grinned, the gold hidden in his mouth giving me a secret wink.

"An' now I'm gone…did ye say fall off a cliff?"

He turned back suddenly uneasy.

"Go!" I cried, and pushed him out of the inner circle so he could say his goodbyes. I didn't just do it for him either. I love those lines.

* * *

(VICKI'S POV AGAIN)

"I thought we might have to deal with some ill devised escape attempt, but not from you." The Commodore accused Will.

"On our return voyage," started the Governor, "I granted you clemency. And this is how you repay me? By throwing in your lot with him? He's a pirate."

"And a good man!" Will cried a look of determination bright on his face. Jack pointed to himself proudly before trying once again to get Will's feather out of his face.

"If all that I've accomplished today is that the hangman earns two pairs of boots instead of one, so be it. At least my conscience will be clear." Ahh, I love that. Not that I wanted his shoes to be taken away from him, but the DELIVERY of it, ooo! Norrington stepped forward.

"You forget your place, Turner." I held my breath, eagerly awaiting my favorite all time Will line…

"It's right here…between you and Jack." Will's eyes got an intense wideness to them that stole my breath. I must have slipped out of consciousness from lack of air, and forgotten about Elizabeth's entrance, because the next thing I knew she was on Will's other side, clasping his hand.

"As is mine." She stated clearly. Will turned to her and I felt a sharp pang of jealousy shoot through my body as he looked into her eyes and reached down with his free hand, holding hers tighter. I instead looked at Norrington who looked as though he had been speared through the gut. I heard a whimper from Rachel coming from Rachel at seeing the Commodore's face.

"Elizabeth…" Governor Swann exclaimed, as he turned to the officers still pointing their weapons dangerously close to us, "Lower your guns. For god's sake put them down!"

Norrington still looked like he had been steam rolled over, "So…this is where your heart truly lies?" He choked out. I even felt a bit of sympathy for him.

"It is." Elizabeth said without a hint of emotion. I looked at the stone ground. Well, it looked like I was going back to the 21st Century a loser…whenever I was going back. I turned my head around and wiped away a hot tear from my cheek. I heard a throaty sigh coming from Jack and watched as he stepped forward.

"Well! I'm actually feelin' rather good abou' all this. I think we've arrived at a very special place, eh? Spiritually, ecumenically…" He said, speaking right in Governor Swann's face, "Grammatically." The Governor made a face that implied that Jack had terribly bad breath which made sense…think of all the fish he's eaten in his lifetime. Jack turned to Norrington, leaned in real close, and put a rough finger in his face.

"I want ye ta know I was rootin' for ye, mate…know tha'." Jack then turned on his heel and walked past the circle. He stopped before passing Elizabeth, a look of faked sadness on his face. "Elizabeth…"

She broke her stare with Will and listened to him.

"It never would 'ave worked ou' between us, darling…I'm sorry." He darted past.

"Jack! Please take me with you! Don't leave me here." Jack put a hand on my shoulder and shook his head.

"Sorry, love. Yer place is not with me." I wanted to tell him that I had no place with Will anymore, that he'd chosen Elizabeth, but the words did not make it through my lips. "Besides, yer mate told me ye two would be 'eadin' off anyways. Ta each 'is or 'er own path, lass. Mine lies with the Pearl, an' who knows…all paths merge sometime. We'll be seein' each other again. Count on it." And then as an after thought he looked at Will.

"Will…" He stopped searching for something to say, "Nice 'at." I slowly looked back at Will, who peered up at his hat and smiled the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. I shook my head, a strand of hair coming loose and falling on my freckled cheek. I walked back to the circle of soldiers and sat down in the very middle.

Jack still facing us addressed all the soldiers in the vicinity, "Friends! This is the day ye will always remember as the day tha' y…" And with that Jack fell off the ledge on which he was perched, his steps gone a bit too far. Everyone rushed forward. There was a splash from below.

"Idiot!" Gillette sneered, "He's nowhere to go but back to the noose!"

"Sail ho!" A cry from below punctuated the proceedings. And sailing across the waters toward the fallen Sparrow, was the Pearl.

"What's your plan of action, sir?" Gillette asked earnestly, eager for a fight it seemed.

Norrington lowered his head, as if he were struggling with the answer to such a simple question as that. Seeing his turmoil the Governor gently added his own piece, "Perhaps, on the rare occasion, pursuing the right course demands an act of piracy…Piracy itself can be the right course?"

"Mr. Turner!" Norrington called stepping back to Will. I sat down on the ledge and watched Jack swim towards the Pearl. Rachel was smiling and blowing cartoonish kisses towards her drunken, wet beloved. I began to hum 'Into the West' under my breath and wished that it was THAT movie I'd fallen into. At least in LOTR Legolas had no one else going after him, so I'd have no competition.

* * *

(RACHEL'S POV AGAIN)

"This is a beautiful sword…" Norrington claimed calmly as he held it aloft in front of Will's face, "I would expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life."

Way to go, James! Uh oh. Did I just use the Commodore's first name?

"Thank you." Will murmured softly.

Norrington nodded in such a way as to say 'If you don't, guess who's gonna have you in the stocks.'

I slowly made my way to James….GAH, I did it again! What the hell was wrong with me?

"That was it, Commodore. That was the decision. I'm so proud of you." And like the weirdo girl I am, I hugged him. And he allowed it is what is even more surprising! Letting him go I lightly punched him on the shoulder, "You made the right choice. Three Huzzahs for you, my good man!"

Rubbing his sore shoulder a bit he smiled. James really did look quite pleasant when he smiled.

Piss it. Just smack me the next time I use his first name, will ya?

Just as suddenly a shout bellowed across the sea to the fort, amazingly enough…from the Pearl itself! The COMMODORE and I turned toward the cry.

"I SAW THA' WOMAN! I DO 'AVE A PERISCOPE! AN' YE, YEH SLIMEY CHAT-TAW, YEH KEEP YEAR MITTS OFF 'ER! YE 'EAR ME!"

Sharing a timid smile together, Norrington bowed his head in a respective gesture towards me, and began to make his way out of the fort.

"Commodore!" Gillette shouted in outrage, "What about Sparrow?"

Norrington paused at that and cast his gaze about as if in deep concentration, although I could tell he had already made up his mind long before now, "Oh, I think we can afford to give him one day's head start." And then with another gentle, somewhat amused smile at his own daring in letting a prisoner of Her Majesty's Navy go free, he walked confidently away.

That just made me want to hug him all over again.

I…I…mean ugh, no it didn't. Of course it didn't. No.

Okay, yes…

A little…

Okay, a lot…

A lot, a lot.

Ahem…soooooooo anyways, I saw Vicki sitting all alone by herself on the ledge and I knew things hadn't turned out the way she wanted them to. I made my way over to her. Hey, what were best friends for?

* * *

(VICKI AGAIN)

I cut off my song as I heard Governor Swann begin to speak to Elizabeth. I'd heard nothing of Norrington's speaking since I was lost in my own Carnival-esque world of self pity. Wheeeeee!

"So…this is the life you have chosen, is it? After all…he is a blacksmith." I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Rachel comforting me for the kiss I dreaded with all my heart.

"No…" Elizabeth said slowly, plucking Will's hat off his head. "He's a pirate." A long moment passed before Elizabeth leaned in and Will kissed her…cheek? WAIT! Hold up! REWIND ya Mama Jamma! I leapt up from my ledge, Rachel following suit.

"That was unexpected…" She whispered to me as we viewed the scene.

"Goodbye, Elizabeth. You don't want me. Or rather, I find myself in love with another. I'm sorry." Will said to a shocked Liz. I felt the tears flowing freely down my cheeks. Will stepped up to me and put his hands on either sides of my face. A very distantly removed part of me saw Liz running after the Commodore out of the corner of my eye. Ah, well. Rachel might've had a few objections about that…

"Oh no she didn't…I know that bitch didn't just run after Ja…uh Norrington, to beg for him to take her back! DISS HER, COMMODORE. SHE AIN'T WORTH YOUR TIME!"

Or so she might have said, I wasn't really focusing on her at that moment.

"Well, my Victoria. Will you have me? Will you be my own?" Then as an after thought he added, "It's not marriage I'm proposing to! I doubt either of us is ready. But I'm proposing to us being together, with no one threatening to break us up." I let loose a sob and Will pulled my face up to his, crashing his lips down on mine. As we finished, both gasping for air from our passionate kiss, I laughed. It range out in the air and I threw my arms around his neck in a very Aragorn/Arwen/Return of the King relieved at finally being together…um…way. We broke apart and walked over to Rachel, who stood grinning at us in her Cheshire cat like way. But something about her looked off.

"Your friend," Will informed me quite frankly, sounding a bit befuddled, "seems to be somewhat transparent."

That was it! Rachel was disappearing before our very eyes!

She looked down at herself, "HAH! I so called it."

"But how?" Will whispered beside me in puzzlement and some small sense of horror.

"Well, what did you expect, pretty boy? I AM a Gypsy, after all."

I would have lunged at her for calling him that, if she hadn't chosen that time to disappear completely. Her last words lingered on the air.

"Man, I really wanted to hear him sing…"

The second she disappeared I felt a tingling sensation. I looked down and found, oddly enough, that I could see the stone ground through my feet.

"Will! I'm gonna disappear like Rachel! Oh, why now? This always happens! Ok, ok, magic words….Open sesame! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Abra Cadabra, Hocus Pocus, Bippity Boppity Boo!" I screamed as Will leaned in to give me one last kiss.

"I love you, Victoria."

Then all I saw was darkness.

Isn't this how it all started?


	17. DUN DUN BA DUMMMM!

Disclaimer: It's almost one in the morning and yeah, I've got the typing jitters so…why not type up the last and final chapter, eh? Can you believe it? Two years hard work, grueling setbacks, and other such surprises just to finish a fanfic…It's a crazy world we live in ladies and gentlemen…and we just plan on making it crazier. So here you have it, friends, enemies and the like, the last chapter of Pirates Hilariousity…

* * *

I felt the sucking void pull at my limbs, trying to drag me back to my appropriate time and rightful place in history.

"Oh come ON! GIVE ME AN 'EFFING BREAK! I just want to hear him SING! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, HUH? Answer me you stupid son of a WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH – UMPH!"

I screamed myself hoarse as I tumbled from the tugging black hole, and then grunted when I was suddenly (and not too gently) deposited on a hard wooden surface.

"Bloody 'ell, woman! Don't break me ship! Tha's finest wood ye'll err see in this part o' the Caribbean, it tis!"

I groaned as I raised my head to find a peeved off looking Captain a few feet away, glaring down at me, sprawled out midsection of his precious Pearl. I squinted my eyes against the glare of the sun. Wow, I hadn't really expected the time travel overpower to listen to the demands of a whining eighteen year old girl.

Sighing finally at my prone state, Sparrow offered a hand, which I clasped gratefully as he hauled me to my feet.

"A bit odd really…seein' ye drop from the sky like tha'."

"Trust me, it felt just as odd." I murmured, rolling my shoulder back into place. It cracked several times and I winced.

Jack surveyed me curiously, "Wha's this mean, lass? I thought ye couldn't stay."

I shrugged pretending to brush off invisible dust from my shirt, "I asked for a favor." I said simply.

Jack's face broke into a wide grin, "Wonderful! I can show ye off at Tortuga then! Ye won't be sorry, lass. We'll 'ave a grand ol' time…"

I smiled slightly as I followed him to the wheel, taking my place behind him, deciding not to let his hopes down. I wouldn't be staying very long. Even now, I felt a quiver pull at the sleeve of my shirt. Not yet, I prayed, just a little longer, I promise…then I'll go without shouting your ear off.

" 'Ey, lass… 'ow's abou' a song for celebration?" He glanced over his shoulder at me.

"I would love that." I admitted quietly.

Jack grinned again, swinging back to the helm with the jangle of those amazing beads and bangles.

"La da da da da da da da…" He sang in a throaty baritone huskily, I could feel the slight pull of time tugging again, incessantly, impatient…I moved so that I stood beside him, and wrapping an arm around his waist, I sang with him.

"And really bad eggs…"

His mischievous smile only grew, "Drink up me 'earties…"

"Yo ho…" I finished.

The pull was stronger now, refusing to be ignored, and I felt myself slipping. I must have made some small noise of distress because Jack turned, his smile dropping.

"Lass, yer…" He paused as if trying to find the words for what he couldn't begin to explain, "…all fuzzy."

I smiled, knowing I couldn't hold it off for much longer, "Yeah? Well…your face is all fuzzy."

"Lass…"

I waved, although by that time, I didn't think my hand was really visible, "I'll be seein' ya Captain, every time you're on HBO…"

"Wha's tha'!"

But…hey I wasn't there anymore.

Okay, you win Time…you win. It was fun. So…thanks.

* * *

The credits were rolling from the movie. I don't know how it all happened but one moment I was in a time continuum and the next I blinked I was sitting on my ass watching the dull names scan by. It was like the TV had spat me out on the cold hard wood floor.

And Vicki wasn't there.

Ok, that was cheap! She got to shack up with the blacksmith but I was left Jack-less? THAT SUCKED!

Just as I was griping about the injustice of the world, how my skirt and amber top were still aboard the Dauntless with the Commodore (I wondered briefly if he could storage them for oh say…a couple hundred years, so I could get them back some day), and how the hell would I explain to Vicki's PARENTS that their daughter was back in the Caribbean living it up with Orlando Bloom…I was blindsided and being crushed by Ms. Fraser herself.

"Will?" She asked hazily.

"GET OFF ME!" I said, throwing her off my back.

Looking around, still a bit dazed as to her current position she suddenly burst out saying, "That was such a RIP-OFF! I mean I WAS…and HE was…and WE WERE…" After a several few other attempts at voicing her rage, she took a few calming breaths and stilled long enough to grumble one word: "Shit."

Shit indeed, my friend. Shit all OVER that.

We sat in mutual silence until the DVD stopped itself, bringing it back once again, to the main menu screen.

I opened my mouth, hesitant, then shut it…then opened it again.

"Ya wanna watch it one more time?"

Vicki nodded a sad little smile on her lips. I pressed play. The familiar Aztec score rolled across the living room.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

* * *

We were coming to the end of the movie. Let me tell ya. Our escapade made what Disney imagined look like squat.

"Ya want some cold pizza, chica?" I asked, getting up.

"No," Vicki sighed.

I nodded, "Ok, well I'm going to the loo. Don't get freaked out by my windows."

Vicki smiled faintly, as I turned and left the room. I knew whatever had happened, her parting with Will had been worlds harder than mine.

I was washing my hands (through with my business) when a piercing scream rattled the glass of my mirror on the wall.

"RACHEL!"

Throwing the door open, I sprinted down the hall into the living room.

It was a sight. One I couldn't properly register for a few precious moments.

Vicki was standing on a chair, a fiendish looking creature nipping at her legs in a violent frenzy. She saw me in the doorway.

"RACHEL, IT JUST CAME OUT! IT JUST CAME OUT OF THE TV AND ATTACKED ME!"

The creature caught sight of me and opened its jaws in a terrifying shriek, then rushed at me. I hesitated for perhaps a second and then dove for our broom in the corner. Now well armed, I started to try and whack it as it scurried about, knocking things over.

"GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!" I screamed, herding it toward the front of the house and out the door. Vicki followed, snatching up a butcher's knife from the kitchen counter.

Reaching the door, I raised the broom high and swung with all my might, "FORE!" The animal screeched, as it landed and then scampered down the street. I turned back to Vicki relieved, who was still clutching the knife in a white knuckled grasp. A shaky sigh escaped her.

The air cracked around us, as a gun shot broke the night, making me yelp and Vicki scream in stunned shock, nearly slicing open her hand in the process.

"DAMN MONKEY!"

Came the bellow as another shot rang out on the street.

"DIE, YE VILE UNDEAD BLODDY MONSTROSITY!"

"Jack! Not so loud!" A softer, masculine voice warned.

Shooting me an incredulous look filled with hope, Vicki and I both skidded out into the street to find two very unlikely characters in the middle of it. One was waving a pistol about threateningly, while the other held a cautious hand over the handle of a finely crafted sword. Visual confirmation can do wonders.

"Will!" Vicki exclaimed.

Shocked by the sound of the intrusion Will turned to the frantic call and alighting on the sight of her he gasped, "Victoria!"

"Will?" I asked, uncertainly, disbelieving even now when there was proof in front of my eyes.

"Jack!" Vicki said.

"Miss Victoria!"

"Miss Rachel!" Will noticed, happily.

"Jack!" I called.

"MONKEY!" Jack roared, aiming again at the rabid corpse monkey that was scuttling down the street as we spoke.

"Romantic." I snorted at his lack of fever for seeing me again.

Not that he was paying the slightest bit of attention to me at the time, as he was setting his sights on destroying whatever remained of Barbossa's pet.

The gun went off again, taking out a street light further down the lane.

"Oh shit, we're so busted." Vicki mumbled.

Cursing, I grabbed Jack by his dreadlocks, yanking him up the stairs to my house as Vicki took Will's hand intent on doing the same, only much more gently.

"MUST…KILL…DEMON…BEAST…" Jack growled through gritted teeth as I pulled him along.

"Later. Right now we're trying not to get sued…or arrested. MOVE. In the house! I think I hear sirens!" I said ushering everyone inside.

I sighed leaning up against the door. Thank goodness mom was out with friends tonight. I followed the others to the living room just in time to see Jack take out his gun and point it at the TV, which displayed Jack's ruggedly handsome face as he had just shot Barbossa.

"Bloody evil twin! This be the end of yeh and all yer mischiefs!"

I threw myself in front of it with a cry of horror. Vicki covered her eyes. Jack paused his gaze focusing on me. Slowly, so he would see what I was doing, I raised my hand and pressed the off button. The screen went blank. Jack blinked in surprise. Marching over to him, I snatched the gun out of his hand, rolling out the bullet as I did so.

"Do not…terrorize…my TV."

I handed him his pistol back after pocketing the bullet.

We all stood in silence.

Finally Will coughed, "Where are we?"

I sighed, "The future."

"Yer pullin' the lad's leg an' mine, lass." Jack chuckled, "Now, if ye would be so kind as ta tell us the truth…"

"That is the truth, Jack. Look around…"

Jack eyed me suspiciously, like I was having a go just so I could poke fun at him.

"I'm serious!" I exclaimed.

Meanwhile, Will was looking awash from so many different emotions seeing Vicki again, "It's impossible…you don't look at all altered, Victoria, despite time."

"What time?" She snorted, "We've only been gone three hours…"

Will regarded her in shock.

"…haven't we?"

"I'm afraid not, Victoria, it's been nigh on six months now…"

"Stupid Time Continuum…can't it get anything right?" I muttered. "Six months, eh?" I mused.

I turned to Jack. Six months was more than ample time for him to bed every woman from Spain to China.

I rounded on him, "So…fess up. How many strumpets you spend a night with in the last six months, Sparrow?"

"I'm off…I don't need ye ta question me motives…" He refuted the question, meaning to slink off in mid sentance.

"Your motives are always questionable….Where do you think you're going, Sparrow, I'm not done with you!"

"Ta find meself a pub."

"Ohhhh no you don't!" I cried, springing forward to catch him on his sleeve, "You are staying in this house until we figure out what the hell is going on!"

"Well, be sure ta tell me when ye find ou'." He grumbled, "I need a drink."

I knew he'd continually be obstinate until he had something forced down his throat so, growling in annoyance I marched to the fridge, pulled out a carton of milk and thrust it into his hands.

"Ya want something to drink…There ya go!" I walked back to Vicki and Will.

Jack sniffed at it tentatively, then sneering at it, set it down again.

I sighed, pulling Vicki aside, "What are we going to do?" I asked her frantically.

"Keep them?" She volunteered.

"And how am I gonna explain to my mom what two ruggedly handsome tight pants wearing fictional pirates are doing in my house!"

"Now this.." I heard Jack's purr of approval, "is more like it…"

I turned and found Jack with a bottle of Vodka in one hand and a Jack Daniels in the other. My eyes widened.

"Get away from my mother's liquor cabinet!" I yelled, lunging at him as he dodged away trying to keep out of my grasp.

I called for back up but Vicki was busy being pulled off by Will…toward my coat closet.

DUN DUN BA DUMMMMMM!

* * *

Just want to say thank you all for all of your reviews, and just being around to be apart of the creation of this fic. This is the final chapter. You know there's a sequel…but we have a contest! Yes, a contest. Character contest…Jack's in the future which means he'll be doing a lot of flirting…we need girls! Mean bitchy ones, shy ones, tomboyish ones…all kinds. Give name, description, and any info you so desire. And if you can get us up to a hundred reviews and over before I post the sequel, and you quote one of your favorite lines from the story…you will be featured also. So it's wins all around. This is our thanks to you. You have been so wonderful. Thank you so much.

Till then, here's a quote to tide you over from the mind and mouth of Jack/Vicki: "Do they make Rum sauce? Really? I need some now…PUT IT IN MY MOUTH! And then…stick it down my pants."


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